Sunday, June 15, 2008

Madame Zoltar: Tomorrow's News Today


Hello, childrens!

Here are my predictions for the coming week in the Racine area:

The National Weather Service will issue a storm watch/warning, tornado watch/warning, forecast a blizzard, damaging high winds with hail, an electrical storm, an ice storm, a hurricane, a typhoon, and/or acid rain - all of this with 100% certainty. None of it will happen.

Someone, somewhere in Racine will be shot, stabbed, hit, mugged, robbed, and/or raped. All of it will happen, probably at once.

Mayor Becker will make an appearance at some obscure forum somewhere out of state, quite possibly out of the country, speaking with great knowledge and insight on a subject that has absolutely nothing to do with Racine or the problems facing this city. None of the local media will report on this except for the Racine Post.

The winning lottery numbers will be 4 - 32 - 78.926 - 40,698,251 - √378 - π

Thank you, and have a wonderful week!

13 comments:

kkdither said...

Mme.Z, I am having trouble navigating through the road construction and flood closures. Do you have any premonitions you can offer on routes to get me from here to anywhere?

AvengingAngel said...

Mme. Z, your gifts are truly amazing. I bow in your presense.

Can we start a kind of safari game? We can call it "Becker sightings" or "Where in the world is the mayor?".

The scoring could be based on where you see him:

In a Bar, 10 points.

On the streets of Racine, 20 points.

At City Hall, 50 points.

In his office doing work, 100 points.

What do you think?

Anonymous said...

kk, I predicted a flying car decades ago. Why they haven't engineered one yet, I have no idea.

AA, I like your game, but I think the points for a bar sighting should be lowered to 1, otherwise those 10's will be adding up too quickly.

Anonymous said...

As much as you guys claim to hate the JT, we see that you still post on our site. We don't want your type on our site, so hit the road and stay in here losers!!

AvengingAngel said...

What you fail to realize Piece of Shit, is that here, we are free to post whatever we wish, without getting censored by some little zit faced nerd who's never been laid.....Like you.

Anonymous said...

I've scanned this site with my psychic powers and nowhere have I found anyone claiming to hate the Journal Times. We even link to them in the Local News sidebar.

But "Piece of Shit" owns the Journal Times site? Even I didn't know that.

Lizardmom said...

oh PS, thanks for making our point, even YOU had to come over and check us out, but feel free to crawl back to the other side, the muck and mire and depressed news, sad, just sad, we're happy here but DO have friends there that we will at times comment to. Are you possibly without friends that you are so unhappy? If you play nice here in our sandbox, I'm sure you'll make friends in no time...

Anonymous said...

Stop posting on the JT's site then you hypocrites. Man up!

kkdither said...

Confucius says...those who have no power are the very ones who seek it most! : )

Anonymous said...

Confucious also say those with stinky snatch must douche! :)

OrbsCorbs said...

Irony: someone using a pseudonym to exhort others to "Man up!"

Personally, I never said I wouldn't post on the Journal Times site again. I know some who have said that and I respect their decision.

I'm not sure what the gripe is. This place hardly seems like competition to the Journal Times. They're the biggest show in town, we're a "banned of bloggers." This is just another place for people who have an interest in the Racine area to express themselves. If you want to join us, be our guest. If you want to post anonymously, be our guest. In any case, be our guest.

kkdither said...

Madame Zoltar, may I say without offending you that simply gazing on your image brings a smile to my face? I hope you continue to deliver this pre-timely news as a regular feature to this site.

Anonymous said...

I knew you were going to say that.

;)