A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the
cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big -breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my
husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast
this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to
see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,
so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,
"Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
To cover my embarrassment had unconsciously formed a habit
of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,
"I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied," No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I
wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name