Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my diaphanous daffodils! How are you? Surprise, I’m baaack!

Oh my, what a story. The “lottery” that I “won” was a scam. I couldn’t believe it at first. I was devastated. Thank God that Mr. OrbsCorbs was there or I might have fallen for it. He appeared at my front door right after I announced that I’d won the money. Mr. OrbsCorbs offered to help pack, clean, or do whatever he could to be useful in the preparation for our move to Romania. He also seemed to pay a lot of personal attention to me (tee-hee), but I know that sudden wealth might have something to do with that. (I found his vague hints at marriage to be unsettling, though.)

While we were making preparations, I received a telephone call from the same gentleman who had called previously to tell me that I had won. He was inquiring about the “earnest money,” and giving me directions on where to send it. I told him that I had no idea of what he was talking about. He said, “It’s right there, printed on the back of your ticket. You must put up $5,000 earnest money as a show of good faith and your intention to come to Romania to claim your prize and live here for at least the next five years."

I panicked. I’ll be honest with you, my dears, I don’t even remember buying a ticket for the Romanian Psychic Lottery. I’m not sure I ever did. When the man called to tell me that I had won $30 million, I wasn’t going to quibble over details. I thought perhaps the lottery was conducted psychically and I had been selected through the ether. In any case, I didn’t have $5,000 lying around. We had already purchased our airline tickets and had to rent out a lot of storage space for our belongings until we were settled in Romania and could send for them. The house was going up for sale, with some of the furniture still in it, but I wasn’t going to sell the business. That meant I had to hire on a manager at more costs.

I told the gentleman that I would need some time to get the money together and he said that he would call again the following day. Oh my. I just didn’t know what to do. At that point, Mr. OrbsCorbs came into the room to ask me if some items were to be put in storage, or shipped with us. He looked at me and said, “Madame, you don’t look too well. Is anything wrong?” Oh dear. I told him about the phone call and the $5,000 and being broke. And I cried. Mr. OrbsCorbs was so consoling. He gave me a great big hug and let me cry on his shoulder for awhile, and then he said, “You know, I think this lottery thing is a scam.” “What?” I said as I pushed back from him. Mr. OrbsCorbs went on to explain about how ruthless telephone scammers ask people to provide money upfront to claim some ”winnings” or “inheritance” or deserted bank account. I was still skeptical. So he offered to take me to the Racine Police Department where we could talk to an officer about it. No thanks! My kind has a built-in aversion to the police.

Finally, Mr. Orbscorbs suggested that I contact some of my psychic friends in the area to see if they, too, had “won” the Romanian Psychic Lottery. I felt foolish at first, but Mr. OrbsCorbs egged me on. So I called, and the very first psychic that I contacted said that she, too, had been informed that she’d won the lottery. She had not yet received any “earnest money” call, though. I was shocked. So I called all of the psychics that I know here. In total, 29 had been contacted and told that they had won the “lottery.” Of those, 14 had already received the call about providing “earnest money.” And of those, sadly, three had already wired money, in amounts ranging from $5,000 to $10,000. Oh my, oh my. If Mr. OrbsCorbs hadn’t alerted me to this scam, I don’t know what would have happened. Thank you so much, Mr. OrbsCorbs. Thank you.

And me, a professional psychic, and I didn’t see through this? That is what happens when greed clouds your heart and your vision. Junior is devastated, too, because he won’t be a teenage millionaire playboy on Romania’s nude beaches. Well, I learned a lot from this experience, mainly that old saw, “If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

I hope that all of my dear Irregulars will accept the newly-humbled me back into the fold of your loving embrace. I wanted to reply to all of your lovely farewell comments in my last blog, but I couldn't because I was crying too hard.  I started having nightmares about you right after I wrote that blog. The emotional stress of leaving here, even temporarily, was almost too much for me to bear. It’s like I was created to do just this. So I hope that you don’t mind if I hop back into the spot of the JTI’s official prognosticator. Unless, of course, you’ve already replaced me. If you have, please notify me, and I’ll scratch the bitch’s eyes out, oh, no, I mean, we can “discuss” matters.

Please send your lucky lottery numbers to:

[Confidential to JD:  Those who make deals with the Devil get burnt permanently.]

I love you, I love you, I love you, my dear Irregulars. I am so happy to be back with you. It would have been nice to be rich with a lot of money, but here in Racine I am so much richer with a lot friends. May we never part again. Spring is beginning to sproing. Pay attention. The plants will be putting on the greatest show on earth. Anagnorisis!


OrbsCorbs said...

Welcome back, Mme. Z! The JTI would never be the same without you.

You're welcome for my assistance in foiling the scam. I still think you should report those guys to the FBI or somebody so they can warn other psychics.

SER said...

Wow, what a deal! But in any case welcome back......!!!

Why Not? said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the lottery scam, I was quite excited for you.. But now I am very excited for us here at the JTI, it just would have never been the same without you. I hope you are not too bummed out.

lizardmom said...

so glad you're staying, and btw, I think you and our very own Orbscorbs would be a super cute couple :)
you know he's a nice guy, came to your rescue, just sayin'... :)

kkdither said...

I hate to break it to you, Mme., we did get a few calls. That hussy, Esmerelda, didn't waste one second to apply. She was "hot" for the position, if you get my innuendo. We also heard from someone named Senor Zanza who, in his cover letter, claimed superior prognosticating powers to you. How dare he!

I am thrilled you are back where you belong. All is well in this little corner of the world once again. Money is just money. Too much of it brings about extreme evil and immense worry of trying to keep it safe.

OKIE said...

Welcome Back Madame

It really stinks about the lottery, maybe with your help we could all put a hex on those nasty people.
Our Wednesdays are complete again now that you are back.

Anonymous said...

Thank you all for you wonderful comments.

We psychics will take care of the perpetrators in our own way. There's no need to alert the FBI or other law enforcement agencies. We sent out a psychic all points bulletin. The scammers have been apprehended and will suffer a fate worse than any that the law would provide.

Ms. kk, I'm not surprised that hussy Esmerelda tried to move right in. (By the way, she was one of the psychics stupid enough to send money to those charlatans.) As for Senor Zanza, I've not heard of him before, but now I will make a point of finding out about him. A better psychic than me, eh? I'll show him!

As for Mr. OrbsCorbs, again I am thankful for his help. But he hasn't come around since I "lost" the lottery. I wouldn't want to think that he is a gold digger . . .

Tender Heart Bear said...

I am really happy that you are back. I am very sorry to hear that this was a total scam. It was a good thing that Orbs was there to let you know about that.

The JTI wouldn't have been the same without reading your post on Wednesday's. I always look forward to see what you have to say. You know how to get people to smile.

kkdither said...

Never fret, Mme., Esmerelda may have moved in on seconds with Monsieur Zoltar, but the JTI would never fall for her charlatan wiles. If you are looking for a companion, the spicy Senor Zanza might be worth looking up... he had a very interesting resume and a wide scope of adventures.

OrbsCorbs said...

"Gold digger"? I've just been, uh, busy lately and haven't had time to stop by.

OrbsCorbs said...

Hey, wait a minute. Who is this Zanza guy? I saw Mme. Z first!

MinnesotaChick said...

Welcome back Madame!
Sorry the big win turned out to be just a scam. But it just makes us at JTI all winners because we will still have you!
Sounds like we have a little romance brewing.. ?? Ah.. Spring ...