Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, Santa’s irregular helpers! How are you? Ho, ho, ho, one more week with no, no, no s-word on the ground. Isn’t it lovely? And it’s in the 40’s again after last week’s nip of winter. Don’t forget, winter doesn’t officially start until December 22. On that day, and a few after, you can think, “s-word, s-word-, s-word” all you want. It’s fitting to have a white Christmas. But after that, stop thinking about the s-word. January and February’s cold and wind and gloom are enough. We don’t need s-word, too.

Hail, hail, o mighty Packers, warriors supreme! Green Bay stifled the Oakland Raiders last Sunday, and we can expect a repeat performance at noon this Sunday, Dec. 18, when the Packers meet the Kansas City Chiefs at Arrowhead Stadium. (Oh my, how do they get away with such politically incorrect names?) Knock the Chiefs back onto the reservation! (Oh dear, I can’t believe I said that.)

I thought I’d check into what some of my competition has been doing for Christmas, and, my, was I surprised. Here is what Vine, from Australia, posted last year:



Of course, they have summer weather for Christmas down under. I think that’s a pretty nice video. I’m ashamed of what other Christmas videos I found posted by psychics, so we’ll let it go at that.

I still have almost all of my shopping and decorating to do. Christmas is such a busy time of year. Busy, but joyous. I especially like the concerts and choirs at Christmas time. Good music, good people, good cheer. Goodness gracious.

Thank you for taking time out of your busy holiday season to read my blog. I appreciate it very much. My Irregular and regular readers are my favorite people, and this is my favorite time of year. Glad tidings to all. Madame Zoltar ♥ you.

Holidays have you down? Get perked up: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Get out your car’s brush and scraper just in case we get any s-word. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. An ounce of my medications average about 25¢. If they don’t cure you, you won’t care anyway. Be careful, my friends. Lucubrations!

14 comments:

jedwis said...

Happy Festivus to the rest of us. Mme Z...the only good thing about Lucubrations is that there is a "brat" cooking in the middle. lol

kkdither said...

Oh dear.... I read it lubrications. Jed.... glad to see you back!

jedwis said...

Lubrications KK? I don't think Mme Z knows anything about that! lol

Anonymous said...

Don't be so sure, Mr. jedwis. My Mme. Zoltar Mojo Personal Lubrication Gel sells quite well.

jedwis said...

I've got to get me some of that there gel, Mme Z. Where can I find some? Wal-Mart? The local Massage Parlor? lol

Why Not? said...

how about this??

http://baconlube.com/

OrbsCorbs said...

^ Wtf, Why Not? Bacon flavored lubricant and massage oil. I'll have to get some for lying John for Christmas.

Toad said...

I like that. Very unusual.

Toad said...

I don't believe It. "Baconlube" actually exists. I didn't check the price, but probably would have gotten some for gifts, had I known.

OrbsCorbs said...

http://baconlube.com/

$12 a bottle or $60 for a six-pack: http://store.baconsalt.com/Naughty-Bacon_c_43.html

Wasn't there a commercial for a bacon burger from a fast food chain wherein a young woman attracts all of these guys to her? Her secret? The aroma of the bacon burger in her purse.

Toad said...

PURSE?

kkdither said...

Wow... you guys are perverted. My mom used to keep bacon grease in a coffee can by the stove. Now, I hope to hell there was only baking and cooking going on! lol

jedwis said...

Forget the bacon...these are my scents of choice...Question is for option #2, how does the cologne know if a gay guy is wearing it, or possibly a woman to attract men? Inquiring minds? lol

1.Arouse-Rx Sex Pheromones For Men: Unscented Cologne Additive to Attract Women - 10mL
$99.95 $29.95

2.Arouse-Rx Sex Pheromones For Gay Men: Unscented Cologne Additive to Attract Men - 10mL
$99.95 $29.95

3.Arouse-Rx Sex Pheromones For Men: Scented Cologne Concentrate to Attract Women - 10mL
$129.95 $39.95

kkdither said...

You mixing this stuff up in the garage, jed? (Not that there is anything wrong with that!) :p