Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my eloquent elves!  How are you?  There definitely is a chill in the air.  Autumn approaches.  It’s supposed to be warm for the next couple of days, but the shortening days and cold nights belie the truth.  When I was younger, I enjoyed autumn.  The beautiful colors of leaves enchanted me.  I relished the fall holidays.  However, those days are no more.  I hate to be a Debby Downer, but the truth is that autumn now signifies the coming cold of winter to me.  Oh my.  I’ve watched others head for Florida or Arizona for decades.  I didn’t understand the attraction.  Now I do.  If I moved, I’d miss my Racine family and friends so much.  But my aching bones would thank me.  Oh well, I’ll just take another sip of Madame Zoltar’s® Magic Tonic™ to keep me warm.

Hip, hip, hurray!  Hip, hip, hurray!  Hip, hip, hurray! Our sublime, superb, and sumptuous Green Bay Packers decidedly defeated the Washington Redskins last Sunday.  The balance of nature has been restored.  This coming Sunday, our radiant and resplendent Packers meet the Cincinnati Bengals in Cincinnati.  The game starts at noon.  May the Packers slaughter and skin the Bengals.  I’d love to have a tiger skin throw rug.

At right are the scores from last week’s games in the Irregulars Football League.  The Fighting Mongrels are in first place, my Screaming Psychics are in second place, and Mr. OrbsCorbs’ Orbliterators are in third, but the season is very young.

Speaking of Mr. OrbsCorbs, he sent me an email the other day.  Here’s his message:

Dear Madame Zoltar,

I suddenly realized something tonight that has me spooked.  My mother died on December 20.  Exactly three months later, on March 20, my sister died.  On June 19, my doctor told me to go to the Emergency Room or I’d be dead the next day, June 20, exactly three months after my sister died.

I went to the hospital and I’m still recovering.  Now September 20 is fast approaching.  That’s exactly three months after my hospitalization.  What the hell should I expect?

Sincerely and respectfully,

Oh my, Mr. OrbsCorbs, that’s intimidating, but I assure you that it’s simply coincidence.  I foresee nothing ominous for you on that day.  You don’t need superstition when you have psychic science on your side. Try to ease your mind and relax a little.  Want some Magic Tonic™?

Finally, some words on the Washington Naval Yard mass shooting:  Oh my God.

Thank you for reading my blog this week.  I enjoy visitors of all size, shape and species.  It’s nice to feel loved.  Thank you so much.

Where to get Madame Zoltar’s® Magic Tonic™?

There’s still plenty of sunshine and fun left in this year.  Get out and enjoy it.  For once the snow flies and the fingers freeze, it’ll be too late.  I love you all.  Ecphonesis!


SER said...

I suddenly realized something tonight that has me spooked. My mother died on December 20. Exactly three months later, on March 20, my sister died. On June 19, my doctor told me to go to the Emergency Room or I’d be dead the next day, June 20, exactly three months after my sister died.

Holy Crap....Makes me think of one of my old sayings, "Live for today, not for the expectations of tomorrow".

Madam Zoltar, please do want ever you can do to keep the cold south of the Wisconsin Illinois border.

kkdither said...

Thank you, Madame. You soothe my soul. It was a rough one out there.

I missed the annual Zoltar flier with the back to school sales. Will you be clearance pricing your merchandise with a Black Friday sale?

OrbsCorbs said...

Thanks for the advice, Mme. Z. I'm still anxious.

legal stranger said...

I could use a little Zoltar tonic to ease the aches and pains of life, can I buy it by the 55 gallon keg?

OKIE said...

Good advice for Orbs Madame. If I were him I would be, for lack of a better word, nervous. Gives one the heebie jeebies.

Toad said...

Orb's, Stay awake for the next two day's. It should be no problem at all. KK, Is usually awake most of the night. Many others also. I will try to POKE you when possible. Keep In mind, If anything happens to you I will be really pissed off.

As I write I think about my brother. My mom died when she was 67, and my sister In Florida died when she was 67. My brother Is 67, and has until Oct. 9th to reach 68 and has the days counted. He Is an alcholholic and has a bottle (un-opened) just In case he feels the big one coming.

OrbsCorbs said...

If I feel the big one coming, I'm chewing a couple of aspirin.

Anonymous said...

All the JTIs get 50% off Madame Zoltar's® Magic Tonic™.