Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Dear Madame Zoltar
Junior can hardly wait for the holiday to get here. It has everything he loves: girls, a parade, girls, explosives, girls, fireworks, girls, and (I think) a sip or two of beer. I don't know if Señor Zanza will be joining Junior at the parade, but I won't. Junior must get his love of loud noises from his father. I have difficulty tolerating them. I'll stay home and set up the grill in the yard. When my "boys" get home, they'll want brats. This is Wisconsin, right?
I know it's Racine because I believe that only in Racine could the Loan Board "lose" $800,000: http://journaltimes.com/news/local/city-writes-off-loan-from-s/article_87978eef-8ec8-5bbf-95e9-6dd0551c55d0.html I want to apply for a loan from those people pronto. I'll want only $500,000, payable never, I mean, we'll call it 20 years. Much more money is lost each year in failed developments, so who cares about half a million dollars here or there? Certainly not Mr. Mayor Dickert. A $500,000 withdrawal, off the books.
If only, if only, if only I'd get a large sum of money. Such a deposit is tax deductible. My once-uber rich clients have started to tighten their belts, too. Large tips to the psychic shrink, as do the number of professional visits. I believe that this puts them in psychic jeopardy, but they only talk $. These are people who make hundreds of millions of dollars a year, or more, but the first place they cut back is in their belief system. Don't say I didn't warn you.
This is also our first full season with the Zika virus. Mosquitoes are active during the day and I'm active during the night. But sometimes you have to go outdoors. When I do, I take a bath in OFF!® beforehand. The only mosquitoes that get past me are wearing gas masks. My skin feels a little hot for awhile until the chemical fumes overtake me. I have woken up in some of the strangest places . . .
That's why I go outdoes as least as possible during the day and at most as possible at night. Also, at night traffic is lighter and stores less active. Someone once suggested to me that I go to Walmart at 4 AM just to see what it's like. I didn't go, but I know what it was like: it was nearly empty. I just can't seem to adjust my schedule to 4 AM shopping.
Thank you all for visiting my blog today. I love you all. My blog is one of neutrality. My blog is one of love. and I love you for reading it today. Thank you, thank you.
What to do if you're infected with the Zika virus? Ask firstname.lastname@example.org
Enjoy the weather as much as you can. This is why we put up with winter: so we can see spring's show. I love you all and wish you a great 4th of July. Be careful. There are a lot of drunks on the loose on Independence Day.