Wednesday, March 25, 2020
Dear Madame Zoltar
Unless, of course, you want to possess something that will ward off the new coronavirus, along with a host of other common ailments. What I'm talking about is a pouch that you wear around your neck. Said pouches contain garlic cloves. They have each received a telepathic implant from me. The implant is an anathema to COVID-19. Wearing such a pouch, you need not worry about contracting the coronavirus. I can afford to sell such simple garlic-infused pouches for only $29.95 each. If you want the deluxe model, which protects you from all viruses, the price is $49.95. Send your prepaid orders to: firstname.lastname@example.org .
Coronavirus, coronavirus, coronavirus, that's all you hear about anymore. Newspapers, radio news, TV news, online news, and on and on: all they talk about is the coronavirus. It's like nothing else counts. Nothing. Oh my.
Here's a timeline for the coronavirus;
Señor Zanza is being a saint by refusing to talk about, or even mention, the coronavirus. He tells jokes, shares funny online videos, even sings and dances. He'll do anything to distract me and Junior. Like the rest of Wisconsin, we're sheltering in place. Thank God that I can still astral project. That allows me to go anywhere in the universe without leaving the comfort of home. How nice.
Mr. President Trump says that he wants to give every American $1,000, or $2,000, or a million dollars. What a deal! Go, Donald, go! I can use $1,000. I could pay for a complete makeover. And some new clothes. And shoes. And jewelry. And, and, and all sort of stuff.
All three of us (Señor Zanza, Junior, and me) file income taxes. Will we each get a check? Three, or even six, thousand dollars could do this household some good. Please, Congress, stop dithering around and give us our money! Now, please!
That's it, my friends. As I write this, I can't help but think of COVID-19. I need to stop dong that. It's not healthy to concentrate on a disease all day long. The only way to stop that is to stop writing. So I must.
Thank you for reading my blog this week. I appreciate and love all of my readers. We're family. Let the love flow.
Please be sure to respect one another. It's our best hope for peace.
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