From the Wisconsin Gazette:
News with a twist
Happy ownerAlbert Einstein’s handwritten theory of happiness sold for $1.3 million at a recent auction in Jerusalem. Einstein wrote the theory of happiness, not nearly as famous as the one about relatively, on a note he gave to a bellboy in 1922. Lacking the money for a tip, Einstein wrote in German, “A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success with constant restlessness.” Bidding opened at $2,000. Another note to the bellboy, “Where there’s a will there’s a way,” sold at auction for more than $200,000.
Are you there — God? It’s me, Mark
No more knock, knock?Amazon Key is expected to launch later this month. Consumers can place their orders and then arrange for delivery inside their homes. But first, shoppers must buy a camera and Wi-Fi connected lock from Amazon, which retails for about $250. When using Amazon Key, the delivery person’s arrival triggers the camera to record and the door to unlock. That’s putting a new twist on home shopping and home delivery.
Yes, airman, there is a Santa ClausAt a time when news outlets dedicate teams of reporters to identifying fake news and correcting very prominent liars, we don’t know what to make of this report. So we’ll make light. The Air Force says its tweet declaring Santa Claus “isn’t real” was a bluff, part of a threat to steal Christmas from bases in North Dakota and Missouri. The bases were debating via Twitter about which had the better fleet when a tweet appeared on the official Air Force account. It said if the bases didn’t get along, Santa would “bring you nothing this year because he isn’t real!” Later, the Air Force retracted that statement. Of course Santa is real, and his sleigh is tracked every year by the North American Defense Command.
Eyes not on the roadAn Oklahoma sheriff’s deputy found himself on a slippery slope when he stopped a man and discovered the driver was wearing only a bikini thong and was covered in Vaseline, according to The Smoking Gun. A pornographic magazine in the passenger seat suggested the man wasn’t driving with both hands on the wheel. He was charged with speeding and driving on a license that was revoked in 1985.
Cowabunga, manA Florida surfboard-maker was bummed out in 1981 when someone stole a board on which he’d painted a life-size rendering of Superman. He alerted the surfing community but heard nothing for decades. Then, in July, he received an email from a dude in Maine who’d found a log matching the description and bearing his signature. The board was reunited with its old carp, but we’re guessing Superman has seen its last gnarly wave and will live out the years as wall-hanger.
This queen has a kickClaire Jeffress nailed a 30-yard field goal for the Dawson High School football team in Pearland, Texas, cementing a victory against a major rival. The feat came just a week after the senior was crowned homecoming queen. “My team had faith in me, and they were going to block for me, and the snap and the hold were going to be good, so I just had to do my job,” she told the Houston Chronicle. Jeffress also is on the school soccer team.
He must have been highPolice in Allentown, Pennsylvania, arrested a man who told them he’d broken into a market so he could get money to pay his court fines for marijuana possession. Now he faces burglary, criminal trespass and criminal mischief charges.
Easy scoopA New Jersey newspaper scored an easy scoop when a Corvette crashed into its newsroom. The Press of Atlantic City reported the driver fell asleep before driving through an intersection, jumping a curb, traveling about 75 feet and then slamming into the newspaper’s office. The accident shattered two windows and knocked over several filing cabinets, but no one was hurt.
Plaque of dishonorThe producers of Legends of Tomorrow placed a “plaque of dishonor” in the parking lot of NBC’s Burbank, California, studios at the spot where Donald Trump made his predatory comments about women on the Access Hollywood bus. “On this spot in September 2005, Donald J. Trump bragged about committing sexual assault,” the plaque read. “In November 2016, he was elected President of the United States.” The plaque was removed 15 minutes after its installation, according to CNN.