Hello, my tater tots. How are you? Have you been enjoying the cool weather we've been getting? I've actually had to sleep under a sheet the last two nights. Senor Zanza is no help. He just snores away, oblivious to everything.
Our Green Bay Packers meet the Washington Redskins in a preseason game this Saturday at 6:30 pm at FedEx Field. Unless you're privy to the coach's thoughts, preseason games can easily give you the wrong impression. A coach might try out his secondary. He might authorize Hail Mary passes. You never know what to expect in a preseason game.
Looks like we don't know what to expect from our Common Council, either. Dickert is barely gone, and already they're spending like drunk sailors. The latest thing is a retreat for Council Members to the tune of over $8,000. A retreat. From Racine, in Racine. Sheesh.
How about a retreat for every single citizen in Racine? We all need to get to know each other and get those warm fuzzies inside. It would probably cost a few million, but all we have to is take down some more streetlights. Dickert has shown us the way. Let's use that knowledge to rip ourselves off while it's still fresh in our minds. Aldermen should be able to come up with all sorts of ways to foolishly spend money. I still like the idea of rubber sidewalks and think all of the downtown area should be paved with them. That way, when a drunk, er, I mean, patron of the arts falls, the fall will be cushioned by the rubbery sidewalk.
And do we really need enough lights for a landing strip on State St. near downtown? They illuminate all of the nothing that we have. They are bright, I'll give you that, but you should've seen the way cousin Romero lit up when he stuck his hand in the light socket. Maybe we can get a couple hundred Romeros to man the light stations each nigh. When a car or truck goes by, they can stick their hands in the sockets. Much more creative than just some dumb lights. When asked about the lights, City Hall thought they might be LEDs (from Cree). When I suggested turning them down or off to save money, I was told that they have to be turned on to save money (http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot&play=true).
I have purchased some of those LEDs for the home. They're very expensive, but the manufacturers claim that you save money over the life of the bulb. I've had 3 LEDs burn out in less than a year. That's saving money? At least stop repeating the lie about LEDs lasting longer than regular lights. It's not true. Stop using your customer base to run lighting experiments. And stop producing insane $12 light bulbs that no light shade can connect to and telling us it's an anomaly when an LED burns out early. Lies, lies, lies. Lies ruin everything. Especially government.
OK, this next video was forwarded to me and I present it as is, sans comment:
Why do we the people always have to give our politicians a kick in the ass to get them to do anything?
That's it, my dears. I so enjoy bringing this blog to you and I'm extremely grateful for the readers that I have. Pretty soon Junior will be back in school and the household will become more peaceful. I like it that way. Quiet.
Enjoy the weather while we have it. You know who I always think of when I think of the outdoors? SER. I don't know why, but I do. I still miss him dearly. Please be careful, the rest of you. I can't afford to lose anymore readers. In fact, I better "draft" some. People will suddenly come out of their spells of reading Dear Madame Zoltar. I love you all. I always have.
__________________________ Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order. Thank you
I’m Art Kumbalek
and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen up ladies and lassies, I
hear another Milwaukee Irish Fest has come upon us, which reminds me of a
This, a wee
tale of this Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman who were at the pub
discussing families. The talk turned to children and surprised they are to
learn they each have a 15-year-old daughter they struggle to understand. The
Englishman’s problem is that he found cigarette butts under his daughter’s bed.
“I didn’t know she smoked,” was his complaint. The Frenchman then says that
he’d found cognac bottles under his daughter’s bed. “I was not aware that she
drank,” he confessed. And the Irishman says his situation is the toughest—he’d
found condoms under his daughter’s bed. “Ah lads, what kind of father am I that
I did not know my daughter even had a dick?” Ba-ding!
days I’m liking my chances to be your next president more and more, what the
fock. If elected, I abso-focking-lutely ought to represent a gentle return to
some kind of normalcy, I kid you not.
(Hold on, I got a phone call. It’s my buddy
Little Jimmy Iodine. I got to take this ’cause he owes me some dough. Smoke ’em
if you got ’em. Be right back.)
“Hey Artie, you
got two bucks you can spot me?”
“You got to be
jerking my beefaroni, Jimmy.”
“Yeah yeah, I
know I owe you but listen, I’m short of dough and if you give me a couple bucks
I can buy a Powerball ticket that’s guaranteed to win the $430 million jackpot.
Then, we take that dough to Potawatomi and double it on the 25-cent slots—then
we split it and I can pay you back that fiver I owe you from before, plus you
got enough dough to run for president, not to mention a nice down payment on
that used Buick Park Avenue you’re always talking about, ain’a?”
“So Jimmy, how
are you so sure you can win this Powerball? The odds are one in 292, 201, 338.”
“But I got the
numbers, Artie. Got ’em but good ’cause I did some research. You ever heard of
this writer, some kind of William S. Burroughs?”
“Yeah, wrote the
book Naked Lunch, died at the age of 83 in 1997 to serve as a lesson to
the young people that a drugged and vagabond kind of lifestyle of lurid
dissipation more than often snuffs out even the best of us too soon. So?”
“He died in August,
Artie—it’s August now—plus it’s the 20-year anniversary. I did some
research ’cause I saw that book in a used bookstore the other day and I
wondered how a lunch could be naked. Didn’t add up. Lunchers can be naked
’cause they’re people. But lunch is food and food doesn’t wear clothes, ain’a?
And then it hit me: This year is also the 40-year anniversary of the
unconfirmed death of Elvis Presley, August 16. And then I remembered
that the Memphis minstrel’s middle name was Aaron, and that Aaron was also the
surname of the first man to go past George Herman Ruth’s total of career
baseball home runs. And I wondered, could there be another connection between
the King of Rock & Roll and the Sultan of Swat besides that they were both
known to dine like pigs? I rushed to my baseball encyclopedia and there it was:
Babe Ruth passed away on an August 16, the same date as the man who
starred in Viva Las Vegas.”
“Jimmy, I got to
Then I heard about some closet Nazis who are celebrating the 30-year
anniversary of nutty Rudolf Hess who hung himself in Spandau prison at the age
of 93 on August 17, 1987—Rudy Hess, Hitler’s deputy and Nazi solo peace
negotiator who parachuted into Scotland in 1941 and said, ‘Hi, my name’s Rudy.
Want to surrender?’”
think of the anniversaries I just mentioned, Artie—20, 30, 40—plus the name
connections. Then chew on this: Bill Burroughs was born February 5, 1914; Babe
Ruth, February 6, who then first stepped onto a major league team with the
Boston Red Sox in 1914. Burroughs was
once cleared of obscenity charges in Boston. Babe played right field. Rudy Hess
flew in out of left field. Bill did drugs, shot and killed his wife in Mexico.
Elvis did drugs, shot and wounded his career in Fun in Acapulco. OK,
Middle East connection: Rudy was born in Egypt; Bill regurgitated Naked
Lunch onto the page in Morocco; in the bible there’s a Book of Ruth; Elvis
starred in Harum Scarum. Also, Rudy spent years and years in Spandau.
Elvis spent years and years in Spandex…”
“Piece of cake, Artie: 16-17-20-30-40. Powerball is
8, for August, eighth month of the year. See you on Easy Street, pally.”
All right listen, I got to run up to the Pick ’n
Save, so I can’t finish the essay for you’s. Yeah, campaign financing is a
bitch, but once I’m in the White House I’ll be set for life, so what the fock
’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.
"MADISON - Without any Democratic votes, Republicans on Monday advanced a $3 billion incentive package to encourage Foxconn Technology Group to build a display panel plant in southeastern Wisconsin that could employ thousands.
8-5 vote in the Assembly Committee on Jobs and the Economy came as a
new report concluded the ripple effect from the Taiwanese tech
giant's investment would produce 4,000 to 10,000 fewer jobs than
News with a twist Lisa Neff and Louis Weisberg, Staff writersUpdated
A royal toast, or four
At 91, does Queen Elizabeth have a
secret tonic? Well, according to Travel + Leisure magazine, she actually
enjoys a daily gin and Dubonnet with a slice of lemon and lots of ice
before lunch, followed by a glass of wine and a dry gin martini at lunch
and a glass of Champagne before bed. Here, here.
woman from a city in central China accumulated more than $3.71 million
in personal debt and then attempted to avoid repayment and arrest by
undergoing plastic surgery. Reuters reported police officers searching
for a 59-year-old woman were astonished to find a woman who looked to be
in her 30s. How did she pay for the disguise? She used a credit card,
Better off fired
The week Anthony Scaramucci
learned he was out as President Donald Trump’s communication director,
he also learned he was dead — at least according to the Harvard Law
School’s alumni directory. The directory mailed to alumni in late July
showed an asterisk next to Scaramucci’s name, indicating the 53-year-old
Ivy Leaguer had died. The school issued an apology and said the error
would be corrected in subsequent editions, which are published every
Give a little, take a lot
Donald Trump, as a
candidate, promised not to take a salary for serving as president. Since
the law says he must be paid, the president is donating his salary. His
first-quarter “earnings” went to the Interior Department. And the
second-quarter paycheck went to the Education Department, which is due
for a 13 percent cut in Trump’s proposed budget. WigWAG wonders: Are
donations to government agencies tax-deductible? We’ll probably never
know what Trump’s tax returns show.
for Science in the Public Interest issued its annual “Xtreme Eating”
awards, recognizing “nutritional nightmares” served in U.S. restaurants.
The Cheesecake Factory made the list twice. Its Pasta Napoletana —
sausage, pepperoni, meatballs and bacon on pasta that’s been greased
with butter and cream — delivers 2,310 calories and 79 grams of
saturated fat. And then there’s the boozy Flying Gorilla shake — five
scoops of chocolate ice cream drenched in 20 ounces of Budweiser beer.
Not a new deal
Party leaders this summer rolled out a new agenda with a populist pitch
aimed at winning back voters lost to Donald Trump in the 2016 election —
still a baffling thought. Promoting “A Better Deal: Better Jobs, Better
Wages, Better Future,” the leadership promised “a better deal for
American workers.” The rebranding effort prompted a small protest, at
which activists hoisted pizza boxes with photos of Nancy Pelosi and the
words “Better skills, Better jobs, Better wages, Still Pelosi.” Some
have mocked the Dems’ slogan as similar to “Better Ingredients, Better
Pizza,” the slogan for Papa John’s pizza.
a debate with Chelsea Handler over Obamacare, right-wing firebrand and
Trump supporter Tomi Lahren admitted she takes advantage of the health
care law’s benefits — despite opposing it. At age 24, Lahren remains on
her parents’ health insurance policy, thanks to a provision in the law
that allows such coverage up to age 26. The debate occurred at
Politicon, a non-partisan event.
he exited his clown car and entered the presidential circus, Donald
Trump was close to signing on to play the president in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!
But then, he decided not to because — wait for it — he was afraid the
appearance would make him look un-presidential. Producer David Latt
asked Mark Cuban to take the role instead, triggering a swift threat
from a Trump lawyer: “He basically said, ‘How dare you? Donald wanted to
do this. We’re going to sue you! We’re going to shut the entire show
down!’” Latt told The Hollywood Reporter. It doesn’t get much more
presidential than that, does it?
Not a foam party
attendants really hate it when you order Diet Coke. It takes forever to
pour, because the lack of sugar creates way more foam than regular
sodas. Pouring it over ice makes matters worse. “I’ve actually had
nightmares about frantically trying to finish a never-ending Diet Coke
beverage service before landing,” American Airlines flight attendant
Heather Poole told the Huffington Post.
Cute enough to KISS?
frontman Gene Simmons tweeted “This is real, folks!!!” after seeing an
image of a newborn calf with black-and-white facial markings similar to
Simmons’ onstage persona. Genie the calf was born on a ranch near
Kerrville, Texas, northwest of San Antonio. The ranchers say Genie is a
family favorite and won’t be sold for slaughter.
Every Wednesday, Madame Zoltar responds to your queries and comments in her blog, Dear Madame Zoltar. Are the stars in your favor? What to do with that 401K? Find out by sending your questions and thoughts to: email@example.com
"The famed Bald Eagles from Decorah, Iowa are back on their nest and ready to start a new family! World famous and live streamed via the internet by the Raptor Resource Center, anyone can view the parents raise their eaglets from egg to fledglings from the comfort of their homes. Using infrared cameras and microphones, the eagles can be seen around the clock during the nesting season, which starts in January or February and runs till June."
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