Friday, August 18, 2017

"Legally High: BBC News Reporter Inhales Burning Drugs And Can't Finish Report"



They should've held a party.

Four for Fridays!

Good morning everyone I hope you have enjoyed your week. We have enjoyed having the Grandkids here spending time with them this summer. Here are your questions.

1) Have you ever seen a solar eclipse before?

2) Are you planning on seeing the solar eclipse on Monday?

3) If you are going to see the solar eclipse do you have the right glasses?

4) If you go to see the solar eclipse are you planning on taking pictures?

Have a great day!

Open Blog - Friday


A little too much energy for me.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my tater tots.  How are you?  Have you been enjoying the cool weather we've been getting?  I've actually had to sleep under a sheet the last two nights.  Senor Zanza is no help.  He just snores away, oblivious to everything.

Our Green Bay Packers meet the Washington Redskins in a preseason game this Saturday at 6:30 pm at FedEx Field.  Unless you're privy to the coach's thoughts, preseason games can easily give you the wrong impression.  A coach might try out his secondary.  He might authorize Hail Mary passes.  You never know what to expect in a preseason game.

Looks like we don't know what to expect from our Common Council, either.  Dickert is barely gone, and already they're spending like drunk sailors.  The latest thing is a retreat for Council Members to the tune of over $8,000.  A retreat.  From Racine, in Racine.  Sheesh.

How about a retreat for every single citizen in Racine?  We all need to get to know each other and get those warm fuzzies inside.  It would probably cost a few million, but all we have to is take down some more streetlights. Dickert has shown us the way.  Let's use that knowledge to rip ourselves off while it's still fresh in our minds.  Aldermen should be able to come up with all sorts of ways to foolishly spend money.  I still like the idea of rubber sidewalks and think all of the downtown area should be paved with them.  That way, when a drunk, er, I mean, patron of the arts falls, the fall will be cushioned by the rubbery sidewalk.

And do we really need enough lights for a landing strip on State St. near downtown?  They illuminate all of the nothing that we have.  They are bright, I'll give you that, but you should've seen the way cousin Romero lit up when he stuck his hand in the light socket.  Maybe we can get a couple hundred Romeros to man the light stations each nigh.  When a car or truck goes by, they can stick their hands in the sockets.  Much more creative than just some dumb lights.  When asked about the lights, City Hall thought they might be LEDs (from Cree).  When I suggested turning them down or off to save money, I was told that they have to be turned on to save money (http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot&play=true).

I have purchased some of those LEDs for the home.  They're very expensive, but the manufacturers claim that you save money over the life of the bulb.  I've had 3 LEDs burn out in less than a year.  That's saving money?  At least stop repeating the lie about LEDs lasting longer than regular lights.  It's not true.  Stop using your customer base to run lighting experiments. And stop producing insane $12 light bulbs that no light shade can connect to and telling us it's an anomaly when an LED burns out early.  Lies, lies, lies.  Lies ruin everything.  Especially government.

OK, this next video was forwarded to me and I present it as is, sans comment:


Why do we the people always have to give our politicians a kick in the ass to get them to do anything?

That's it, my dears.  I so enjoy bringing this blog to you and I'm extremely grateful for the readers that I have. Pretty soon Junior will be back in school and the household will become more peaceful.  I like it that way.  Quiet.

madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

Enjoy the weather while we have it.  You know who I always think of when I think of the outdoors?  SER.  I don't know why, but I do.  I still miss him dearly.  Please be careful, the rest of you.  I can't afford to lose anymore readers.  In fact, I better "draft" some.  People will suddenly come out of their spells of reading Dear Madame Zoltar.  I love you all.  I always have.
__________________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you

Open Blog - Wednesday


Only on Wednesday?

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

"Wizard of Odds"

From the Shepherd Express:
 
2 hours ago
 
 
 I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen up ladies and lassies, I hear another Milwaukee Irish Fest has come upon us, which reminds me of a little story:
This, a wee tale of this Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman who were at the pub discussing families. The talk turned to children and surprised they are to learn they each have a 15-year-old daughter they struggle to understand. The Englishman’s problem is that he found cigarette butts under his daughter’s bed. “I didn’t know she smoked,” was his complaint. The Frenchman then says that he’d found cognac bottles under his daughter’s bed. “I was not aware that she drank,” he confessed. And the Irishman says his situation is the toughest—he’d found condoms under his daughter’s bed. “Ah lads, what kind of father am I that I did not know my daughter even had a dick?” Ba-ding!

Anyways, these days I’m liking my chances to be your next president more and more, what the fock. If elected, I abso-focking-lutely ought to represent a gentle return to some kind of normalcy, I kid you not.

 (Hold on, I got a phone call. It’s my buddy Little Jimmy Iodine. I got to take this ’cause he owes me some dough. Smoke ’em if you got ’em. Be right back.)

“Hey Artie, you got two bucks you can spot me?”

“You got to be jerking my beefaroni, Jimmy.”

“Yeah yeah, I know I owe you but listen, I’m short of dough and if you give me a couple bucks I can buy a Powerball ticket that’s guaranteed to win the $430 million jackpot. Then, we take that dough to Potawatomi and double it on the 25-cent slots—then we split it and I can pay you back that fiver I owe you from before, plus you got enough dough to run for president, not to mention a nice down payment on that used Buick Park Avenue you’re always talking about, ain’a?”

“So Jimmy, how are you so sure you can win this Powerball? The odds are one in 292, 201, 338.”

“But I got the numbers, Artie. Got ’em but good ’cause I did some research. You ever heard of this writer, some kind of William S. Burroughs?”

“Yeah, wrote the book Naked Lunch, died at the age of 83 in 1997 to serve as a lesson to the young people that a drugged and vagabond kind of lifestyle of lurid dissipation more than often snuffs out even the best of us too soon. So?”

“He died in August, Artie—it’s August now—plus it’s the 20-year anniversary. I did some research ’cause I saw that book in a used bookstore the other day and I wondered how a lunch could be naked. Didn’t add up. Lunchers can be naked ’cause they’re people. But lunch is food and food doesn’t wear clothes, ain’a? And then it hit me: This year is also the 40-year anniversary of the unconfirmed death of Elvis Presley, August 16. And then I remembered that the Memphis minstrel’s middle name was Aaron, and that Aaron was also the surname of the first man to go past George Herman Ruth’s total of career baseball home runs. And I wondered, could there be another connection between the King of Rock & Roll and the Sultan of Swat besides that they were both known to dine like pigs? I rushed to my baseball encyclopedia and there it was: Babe Ruth passed away on an August 16, the same date as the man who starred in Viva Las Vegas.”

“Jimmy, I got to go.”

“Wait, Artie. Then I heard about some closet Nazis who are celebrating the 30-year anniversary of nutty Rudolf Hess who hung himself in Spandau prison at the age of 93 on August 17, 1987—Rudy Hess, Hitler’s deputy and Nazi solo peace negotiator who parachuted into Scotland in 1941 and said, ‘Hi, my name’s Rudy. Want to surrender?’”

“Powerball numbers, Jimmy?”

“For starters, think of the anniversaries I just mentioned, Artie—20, 30, 40—plus the name connections. Then chew on this: Bill Burroughs was born February 5, 1914; Babe Ruth, February 6, who then first stepped onto a major league team with the Boston Red Sox in 1914. Burroughs was once cleared of obscenity charges in Boston. Babe played right field. Rudy Hess flew in out of left field. Bill did drugs, shot and killed his wife in Mexico. Elvis did drugs, shot and wounded his career in Fun in Acapulco. OK, Middle East connection: Rudy was born in Egypt; Bill regurgitated Naked Lunch onto the page in Morocco; in the bible there’s a Book of Ruth; Elvis starred in Harum Scarum. Also, Rudy spent years and years in Spandau. Elvis spent years and years in Spandex…”

Numbers, Jimmy.”

“Piece of cake, Artie: 16-17-20-30-40. Powerball is 8, for August, eighth month of the year. See you on Easy Street, pally.”

All right listen, I got to run up to the Pick ’n Save, so I can’t finish the essay for you’s. Yeah, campaign financing is a bitch, but once I’m in the White House I’ll be set for life, so what the fock ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.
 

"Wisconsin Assembly panel advances $3 billion in incentives for Foxconn"




"MADISON - Without any Democratic votes, Republicans on Monday advanced a $3 billion incentive package to encourage Foxconn Technology Group to build a display panel plant in southeastern Wisconsin that could employ thousands.

"The 8-5 vote in the Assembly Committee on Jobs and the Economy came as a new report concluded the ripple effect from the Taiwanese tech giant's investment would produce 4,000 to 10,000 fewer jobs than previously estimated."



This is a cartful of horseshit.  Once again, Wisconsin voters are about to be fucked because of their "leaders'" incompetence or criminal negligence.

Open Blog - Tuesday


Drink up.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Friday, August 11, 2017

"A lions attempt in hunting a hippo backfires horribly."

Four for Fridays!

The weeks seem to be going faster every week. What happened to all the rain we where suppose to get last night. Here are your questions.

1) Have you ever been cut off on the highway by a semi?

2) Have you ever pulled on the side of the highway because the rain was coming down to hard for you to see the road?

3) Have you ever been in an accident on the highway?

4) What was the worst thing that happened to you when you were on the highway?

Have a great weekend and enjoy the nice weather!

Open Blog - Friday


I hope the other days don't get jealous.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

"WiGWAG: Queen Elizabeth's drinking habits, a Kiss cow, and more"

From Wisconsin Gazette:

News with a twist  Updated


A royal toast, or four

At 91, does Queen Elizabeth have a secret tonic? Well, according to Travel + Leisure magazine, she actually enjoys a daily gin and Dubonnet with a slice of lemon and lots of ice before lunch, followed by a glass of wine and a dry gin martini at lunch and a glass of Champagne before bed. Here, here.

Plastic binge

A woman from a city in central China accumulated more than $3.71 million in personal debt and then attempted to avoid repayment and arrest by undergoing plastic surgery. Reuters reported police officers searching for a 59-year-old woman were astonished to find a woman who looked to be in her 30s. How did she pay for the disguise? She used a credit card, of course.

Better off fired

The week Anthony Scaramucci learned he was out as President Donald Trump’s communication director, he also learned he was dead — at least according to the Harvard Law School’s alumni directory. The directory mailed to alumni in late July showed an asterisk next to Scaramucci’s name, indicating the 53-year-old Ivy Leaguer had died. The school issued an apology and said the error would be corrected in subsequent editions, which are published every five years.

Give a little, take a lot

Donald Trump, as a candidate, promised not to take a salary for serving as president. Since the law says he must be paid, the president is donating his salary. His first-quarter “earnings” went to the Interior Department. And the second-quarter paycheck went to the Education Department, which is due for a 13 percent cut in Trump’s proposed budget. WigWAG wonders: Are donations to government agencies tax-deductible? We’ll probably never know what Trump’s tax returns show.

Gut-busters

The Center for Science in the Public Interest issued its annual “Xtreme Eating” awards, recognizing “nutritional nightmares” served in U.S. restaurants. The Cheesecake Factory made the list twice. Its Pasta Napoletana — sausage, pepperoni, meatballs and bacon on pasta that’s been greased with butter and cream — delivers 2,310 calories and 79 grams of saturated fat. And then there’s the boozy Flying Gorilla shake — five scoops of chocolate ice cream drenched in 20 ounces of Budweiser beer.

Not a new deal

Democratic Party leaders this summer rolled out a new agenda with a populist pitch aimed at winning back voters lost to Donald Trump in the 2016 election — still a baffling thought. Promoting “A Better Deal: Better Jobs, Better Wages, Better Future,” the leadership promised “a better deal for American workers.” The rebranding effort prompted a small protest, at which activists hoisted pizza boxes with photos of Nancy Pelosi and the words “Better skills, Better jobs, Better wages, Still Pelosi.” Some have mocked the Dems’ slogan as similar to “Better Ingredients, Better Pizza,” the slogan for Papa John’s pizza.

Hypocritical much?

During a debate with Chelsea Handler over Obamacare, right-wing firebrand and Trump supporter Tomi Lahren admitted she takes advantage of the health care law’s benefits — despite opposing it. At age 24, Lahren remains on her parents’ health insurance policy, thanks to a provision in the law that allows such coverage up to age 26. The debate occurred at Politicon, a non-partisan event.

Un-presidential personified

Before he exited his clown car and entered the presidential circus, Donald Trump was close to signing on to play the president in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! But then, he decided not to because — wait for it — he was afraid the appearance would make him look un-presidential. Producer David Latt asked Mark Cuban to take the role instead, triggering a swift threat from a Trump lawyer: “He basically said, ‘How dare you? Donald wanted to do this. We’re going to sue you! We’re going to shut the entire show down!’” Latt told The Hollywood Reporter. It doesn’t get much more presidential than that, does it?

Not a foam party

Flight attendants really hate it when you order Diet Coke. It takes forever to pour, because the lack of sugar creates way more foam than regular sodas. Pouring it over ice makes matters worse. “I’ve actually had nightmares about frantically trying to finish a never-ending Diet Coke beverage service before landing,” American Airlines flight attendant Heather Poole told the Huffington Post.

Cute enough to KISS?

KISS frontman Gene Simmons tweeted “This is real, folks!!!” after seeing an image of a newborn calf with black-and-white facial markings similar to Simmons’ onstage persona. Genie the calf was born on a ranch near Kerrville, Texas, northwest of San Antonio. The ranchers say Genie is a family favorite and won’t be sold for slaughter.

From http://www.wisconsingazette.com/blogs/wigwag-queen-elizabeth-s-drinking-habits-a-kiss-cow-and/article_7c505e0a-7dd2-11e7-858d-e31eed36fd39.html

"10 Most Brutal Schools In The World"

Open Blog - Thursday