Friday, February 17, 2017


I want a grocery store in our apartment building.  Then I'd never have to leave except for medical BS.  Everyone here says "Hi" or "Hello" when they meet you in the hallway.  Everyone here is carrying some huge cross.  Everyone is willing to help one another.  I've met some people here who have blown my mind.  I want a little cart to drive around the hallways in.  With the drop in my kidney function, maybe my nephrologist would OK one for me.  I'd spend all day running around the halls, challenging other scooter drivers to drag races.  I'd modify mine.  I don't know much about electronics, but the internet can teach me.  I'd get a huge boombox mounted on it and blast rap music as I cruise by.  Maybe if we get enough scooters in here, we can get our own police force. 

Well, I can dream, can't I?

Four for Fridays!

I hope everyone has enjoyed their week and that you are doing well. This weekend we are going to have really nice weather and I hope everyone gets to go out and enjoy it. Here are your questions.

1) How did you spend your Valentine's Day?

2) Did you get anything for Valentine's Day?

3) Do you think Valentine's Day is just another Hallmark day?

4) Do you celebrate the Hallmark Holidays?

Have a nice day.

Open Blog - Friday

As an English major, I agree.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

A piece of wood?

Submitted by legal stranger:

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my boys and girls!  How are you?  How well have you been riding the weather roller coaster?  I'm strapped in tight.  Up, down, and all around the weather coaster goes.  Climate change or not, we're having a warm, weird winter.  I'm not complaining; just pointing out. I'm sure it's bad for the landscape, but what can you do?  Maybe Mr. Trump can write an executive order correcting Ma Nature.  I don't think he will, though, because this would amount to admiring climate change us true.  We can't have reality interfering with our government.  When it comes to reality versus our government, I believe our government all the way.  I also have beets for eyes and a carrot for my nose.

It looks like another conman has been found to carry out the Machinery Row mission, which, I believe, is to squeeze every last cent out of Racine's residents.  And then you can pay for a huge arena with absolutely no demand for it. There's no demand for Machinery Row, either, but screw reality, we're gonna build it anyway, at about triple the original estimates. Watch Lying John's friends get rich off of our money.  Watch lying John and Tommy Friedel piss away millions after millions of our dollars.  Watch them get absolutely NO return on our dollars.  Lying John likes to play real estate agent, especially with our money, but he's had no successes.  Rather than rein him in, our City Council approves Dickert's every move. We are governed by felonious pigs.  I hope that every last member gets it when lying John is revealed by the FBI.  If you're not working against this thief at the head of our city, then you're working for him, whether you know it or not.

No one gives a damn anymore if they do their city job or not.  I know a man who has submitted various Freedom of Information Act requests from the city.  They don't even try to meet their own quotas by now.  It doesn't matter.  Who's going to prosecute a "city of ill-repute," if the prosecutors are part of the problem? The people who work in City Hall hate lying John, and they spread that hatred whenever you deal with them.  He has doubled the workload of the average City Hall employee with no corresponding wage increase.  He's hated by those he "governs' and "employs."  No wonder he hangs with a tight circle.  No wonder he craps on us with ease.  He truly believes that he is above the law and impossible to jail.  So did the guy who preceded  him.  There's much more hatred for lying John than Becker, though.  I wouldn't be surprised by an assassination attempt.  Some homeowner pushed to the edge by financial concerns just goes downtown and blasts away at lying John.  I hope his aim is good.

Many of us who live outside of downtown are repulsed by lying John's concentration on just one spot of the city as the rest of it goes to hell.  And yet, for all of his "concentration," downtown is as empty as ever, except when the drunks take over at night.  It's shaming to show visitors.  Here's our downtown where almost all of our money goes, but nothing is ever built.  Start with the old Zahn's building and move on.  You'll be confronted by empty storefront after empty storefront. Then there's the block on 6th Street where Porter's used to be.  That's flattened except for the church on a corner.  We heard all sorts of promises on that one.  And, once again, in the toilet.  I guess if you gauge victory by the number of roundabouts proposed, then lying John is victorious.  Give him a city car and let him drive around and around his roundabout in front of City Hall.  Beep-beep!  Let conscientious people run our city rather than the band of thieves we have now.  Please, Lord, make it so.

Well, I didn't plan on making this a purely political blog, but I did.  Sorry.  Sometimes the lies coming out of City Hall are just too much.  But don't let that get you down.  Stand up to the criminals.  Say, "I'm with Madame Zoltar and your time has come."

Enjoy our weird weather.  I love you all and hope for the best for each and every one of you. Keep the faith.  Fight injustice whenever you encounter it.

Overcome by the criminals in City Hall?  Ask to help you.

I bet you that it snows in July.
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Open Blog - Wednesday

Better than staring into a cell phone all day.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Bitchers and Voters Report

From The Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek 32 minutes ago

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, I got one hot tip for you’s who may be still steamed by having to cool your heels in long lines whenever you go to vote once every four years during a November battle of presidents. Next Tuesday, Feb. 21 is a spring primary and for a lot of voters in Beer Town all you got on the ballot is the state school superintendent and a municipal judge—some of you’s may also need to pick a school board member. That’s it.

Yes sir, I’m here to tell you that when it comes to exercising your franchise, if crowds or standing in line ’round the block and back cause you to consider relocating to some Commie country where the sanctioned synonym for suffrage is “labor camp,” then this is the election for you, I kid you not.

Talk about democracy-friendly. No muss, no fuss. You’ll be in, then out of that ballot booth like a regular Harry Houdini. It’ll be so easy that, to tell the truth, I might even ask one of the ladies passing out ballots to handcuff and blindfold me first and see if I can still make it out in less than 15 seconds, what the fock.

Now if you’ve never voted before but have always felt like giving it a shot, a small-potatoes primary election is a good place to get your feet wet and feel good about your performance. You see, a lot of rookie voters tend to choke under the pressure when they enter the booth during the heavy national elections when the fate of the free world may hinge on their ability to follow simple instructions. It’s called the “Florida Syndrome,” and the results can lead to disaster, you betcha.

And then I’ll tell you that the seasoned voter understands that there are elections when political practicalities and the calendar dictate that you got to settle for a baloney sandwich even though you more hanker a nice hunk of Ch√Ęteaubriand. It’s like tickets to a Bucks game. You may prefer to see Golden State, but the only seat you can score is of a distance from the action that if you don’t carry in an iron lung and the Hubble telescope, hey, focking forget about it. So instead it’s the Nets out of New Jersey for you. Plenty of empty seats. And parking? No problemo.

But let me tell you’s that a ballot which lists only a school board, state superintendent and local judge is a thing of beauty to the true election aficionado. The aficionado would say that it’s the synchronicity of form and function, that the percentage of eligible voters who actually turn out for one of these shebangs to choose citizens to help run the schools is nearly identical to the percentage of eligible students who actually show up for class any given day of the school year.

You know, if I wasn’t so damn busy running 24/7+12/52/365 for president of our fine country, I might myself cotton on one of these school-board gigs. Focking-A, sit around and bitch about schools, teachers and the jackass kids, plus get paid for it to boot? That’s exactly all I did during mine own glorious school days, and the only thanks I ever got back then was a couple, three soapy mouth-washings and trips to the principal’s office 8/5, what the fock.

Better yet would be to start my own damn school now that the powers-that-be can choose to take money away from the public schools and hand it over to any Tom, Dick or Dickless who’s got a notion to change his/her crappy basement into some kind of academy for this or that. I’m not exactly sure what I’d try to cram down the throats of the students at Art Kumbalek’s Excellent Knowledge Nook, but I better come up with something if I’m going to grab this state dough they’re passing out hand over fist.

I’m thinking my curriculum will be strong on teaching the good ol’-fashioned values: Let a smile be your umbrella; never, ever mix good booze with soda; brush your teeth and stay in school. And there’d be plenty of memorizing stuff, you bet, ’cause while the kids are doing their memorizing, I could step outside and have a nice smoke in the faculty garage.

The most important thing I’d have them memorize would be any and all parts in the Constitution that talk about the right to vote—skip the fake clause where the slave-holding Founding Fathers state the need for an I.D. card but don’t forget to bring one with you, the bastards.

As soon as any student showed me they had those phrases and particles down cold, plus swore up and down they’d vote in every election no matter how seemingly stupid or trivial, I’d stamp them straight-A ready for the real world of these United States. Class dismissed. Now go out and prepare to vote next Tuesday. It’ll be good spring training for the big-league 2018 midterm elections when we’ll really need you to show up and compete, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.



Open Blog - Tuesday

Happy Valentine's Day.