Friday, August 18, 2017

"Legally High: BBC News Reporter Inhales Burning Drugs And Can't Finish Report"



They should've held a party.

Four for Fridays!

Good morning everyone I hope you have enjoyed your week. We have enjoyed having the Grandkids here spending time with them this summer. Here are your questions.

1) Have you ever seen a solar eclipse before?

2) Are you planning on seeing the solar eclipse on Monday?

3) If you are going to see the solar eclipse do you have the right glasses?

4) If you go to see the solar eclipse are you planning on taking pictures?

Have a great day!

Open Blog - Friday


A little too much energy for me.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my tater tots.  How are you?  Have you been enjoying the cool weather we've been getting?  I've actually had to sleep under a sheet the last two nights.  Senor Zanza is no help.  He just snores away, oblivious to everything.

Our Green Bay Packers meet the Washington Redskins in a preseason game this Saturday at 6:30 pm at FedEx Field.  Unless you're privy to the coach's thoughts, preseason games can easily give you the wrong impression.  A coach might try out his secondary.  He might authorize Hail Mary passes.  You never know what to expect in a preseason game.

Looks like we don't know what to expect from our Common Council, either.  Dickert is barely gone, and already they're spending like drunk sailors.  The latest thing is a retreat for Council Members to the tune of over $8,000.  A retreat.  From Racine, in Racine.  Sheesh.

How about a retreat for every single citizen in Racine?  We all need to get to know each other and get those warm fuzzies inside.  It would probably cost a few million, but all we have to is take down some more streetlights. Dickert has shown us the way.  Let's use that knowledge to rip ourselves off while it's still fresh in our minds.  Aldermen should be able to come up with all sorts of ways to foolishly spend money.  I still like the idea of rubber sidewalks and think all of the downtown area should be paved with them.  That way, when a drunk, er, I mean, patron of the arts falls, the fall will be cushioned by the rubbery sidewalk.

And do we really need enough lights for a landing strip on State St. near downtown?  They illuminate all of the nothing that we have.  They are bright, I'll give you that, but you should've seen the way cousin Romero lit up when he stuck his hand in the light socket.  Maybe we can get a couple hundred Romeros to man the light stations each nigh.  When a car or truck goes by, they can stick their hands in the sockets.  Much more creative than just some dumb lights.  When asked about the lights, City Hall thought they might be LEDs (from Cree).  When I suggested turning them down or off to save money, I was told that they have to be turned on to save money (http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot&play=true).

I have purchased some of those LEDs for the home.  They're very expensive, but the manufacturers claim that you save money over the life of the bulb.  I've had 3 LEDs burn out in less than a year.  That's saving money?  At least stop repeating the lie about LEDs lasting longer than regular lights.  It's not true.  Stop using your customer base to run lighting experiments. And stop producing insane $12 light bulbs that no light shade can connect to and telling us it's an anomaly when an LED burns out early.  Lies, lies, lies.  Lies ruin everything.  Especially government.

OK, this next video was forwarded to me and I present it as is, sans comment:


Why do we the people always have to give our politicians a kick in the ass to get them to do anything?

That's it, my dears.  I so enjoy bringing this blog to you and I'm extremely grateful for the readers that I have. Pretty soon Junior will be back in school and the household will become more peaceful.  I like it that way.  Quiet.

madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

Enjoy the weather while we have it.  You know who I always think of when I think of the outdoors?  SER.  I don't know why, but I do.  I still miss him dearly.  Please be careful, the rest of you.  I can't afford to lose anymore readers.  In fact, I better "draft" some.  People will suddenly come out of their spells of reading Dear Madame Zoltar.  I love you all.  I always have.
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If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you

Open Blog - Wednesday


Only on Wednesday?

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

"Wizard of Odds"

From the Shepherd Express:
 
2 hours ago
 
 
 I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen up ladies and lassies, I hear another Milwaukee Irish Fest has come upon us, which reminds me of a little story:
This, a wee tale of this Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman who were at the pub discussing families. The talk turned to children and surprised they are to learn they each have a 15-year-old daughter they struggle to understand. The Englishman’s problem is that he found cigarette butts under his daughter’s bed. “I didn’t know she smoked,” was his complaint. The Frenchman then says that he’d found cognac bottles under his daughter’s bed. “I was not aware that she drank,” he confessed. And the Irishman says his situation is the toughest—he’d found condoms under his daughter’s bed. “Ah lads, what kind of father am I that I did not know my daughter even had a dick?” Ba-ding!

Anyways, these days I’m liking my chances to be your next president more and more, what the fock. If elected, I abso-focking-lutely ought to represent a gentle return to some kind of normalcy, I kid you not.

 (Hold on, I got a phone call. It’s my buddy Little Jimmy Iodine. I got to take this ’cause he owes me some dough. Smoke ’em if you got ’em. Be right back.)

“Hey Artie, you got two bucks you can spot me?”

“You got to be jerking my beefaroni, Jimmy.”

“Yeah yeah, I know I owe you but listen, I’m short of dough and if you give me a couple bucks I can buy a Powerball ticket that’s guaranteed to win the $430 million jackpot. Then, we take that dough to Potawatomi and double it on the 25-cent slots—then we split it and I can pay you back that fiver I owe you from before, plus you got enough dough to run for president, not to mention a nice down payment on that used Buick Park Avenue you’re always talking about, ain’a?”

“So Jimmy, how are you so sure you can win this Powerball? The odds are one in 292, 201, 338.”

“But I got the numbers, Artie. Got ’em but good ’cause I did some research. You ever heard of this writer, some kind of William S. Burroughs?”

“Yeah, wrote the book Naked Lunch, died at the age of 83 in 1997 to serve as a lesson to the young people that a drugged and vagabond kind of lifestyle of lurid dissipation more than often snuffs out even the best of us too soon. So?”

“He died in August, Artie—it’s August now—plus it’s the 20-year anniversary. I did some research ’cause I saw that book in a used bookstore the other day and I wondered how a lunch could be naked. Didn’t add up. Lunchers can be naked ’cause they’re people. But lunch is food and food doesn’t wear clothes, ain’a? And then it hit me: This year is also the 40-year anniversary of the unconfirmed death of Elvis Presley, August 16. And then I remembered that the Memphis minstrel’s middle name was Aaron, and that Aaron was also the surname of the first man to go past George Herman Ruth’s total of career baseball home runs. And I wondered, could there be another connection between the King of Rock & Roll and the Sultan of Swat besides that they were both known to dine like pigs? I rushed to my baseball encyclopedia and there it was: Babe Ruth passed away on an August 16, the same date as the man who starred in Viva Las Vegas.”

“Jimmy, I got to go.”

“Wait, Artie. Then I heard about some closet Nazis who are celebrating the 30-year anniversary of nutty Rudolf Hess who hung himself in Spandau prison at the age of 93 on August 17, 1987—Rudy Hess, Hitler’s deputy and Nazi solo peace negotiator who parachuted into Scotland in 1941 and said, ‘Hi, my name’s Rudy. Want to surrender?’”

“Powerball numbers, Jimmy?”

“For starters, think of the anniversaries I just mentioned, Artie—20, 30, 40—plus the name connections. Then chew on this: Bill Burroughs was born February 5, 1914; Babe Ruth, February 6, who then first stepped onto a major league team with the Boston Red Sox in 1914. Burroughs was once cleared of obscenity charges in Boston. Babe played right field. Rudy Hess flew in out of left field. Bill did drugs, shot and killed his wife in Mexico. Elvis did drugs, shot and wounded his career in Fun in Acapulco. OK, Middle East connection: Rudy was born in Egypt; Bill regurgitated Naked Lunch onto the page in Morocco; in the bible there’s a Book of Ruth; Elvis starred in Harum Scarum. Also, Rudy spent years and years in Spandau. Elvis spent years and years in Spandex…”

Numbers, Jimmy.”

“Piece of cake, Artie: 16-17-20-30-40. Powerball is 8, for August, eighth month of the year. See you on Easy Street, pally.”

All right listen, I got to run up to the Pick ’n Save, so I can’t finish the essay for you’s. Yeah, campaign financing is a bitch, but once I’m in the White House I’ll be set for life, so what the fock ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.
 

"Wisconsin Assembly panel advances $3 billion in incentives for Foxconn"




"MADISON - Without any Democratic votes, Republicans on Monday advanced a $3 billion incentive package to encourage Foxconn Technology Group to build a display panel plant in southeastern Wisconsin that could employ thousands.

"The 8-5 vote in the Assembly Committee on Jobs and the Economy came as a new report concluded the ripple effect from the Taiwanese tech giant's investment would produce 4,000 to 10,000 fewer jobs than previously estimated."



This is a cartful of horseshit.  Once again, Wisconsin voters are about to be fucked because of their "leaders'" incompetence or criminal negligence.

Open Blog - Tuesday


Drink up.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Friday, August 11, 2017

"A lions attempt in hunting a hippo backfires horribly."

Four for Fridays!

The weeks seem to be going faster every week. What happened to all the rain we where suppose to get last night. Here are your questions.

1) Have you ever been cut off on the highway by a semi?

2) Have you ever pulled on the side of the highway because the rain was coming down to hard for you to see the road?

3) Have you ever been in an accident on the highway?

4) What was the worst thing that happened to you when you were on the highway?

Have a great weekend and enjoy the nice weather!

Open Blog - Friday


I hope the other days don't get jealous.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

"WiGWAG: Queen Elizabeth's drinking habits, a Kiss cow, and more"

From Wisconsin Gazette:

News with a twist  Updated


A royal toast, or four

At 91, does Queen Elizabeth have a secret tonic? Well, according to Travel + Leisure magazine, she actually enjoys a daily gin and Dubonnet with a slice of lemon and lots of ice before lunch, followed by a glass of wine and a dry gin martini at lunch and a glass of Champagne before bed. Here, here.

Plastic binge

A woman from a city in central China accumulated more than $3.71 million in personal debt and then attempted to avoid repayment and arrest by undergoing plastic surgery. Reuters reported police officers searching for a 59-year-old woman were astonished to find a woman who looked to be in her 30s. How did she pay for the disguise? She used a credit card, of course.

Better off fired

The week Anthony Scaramucci learned he was out as President Donald Trump’s communication director, he also learned he was dead — at least according to the Harvard Law School’s alumni directory. The directory mailed to alumni in late July showed an asterisk next to Scaramucci’s name, indicating the 53-year-old Ivy Leaguer had died. The school issued an apology and said the error would be corrected in subsequent editions, which are published every five years.

Give a little, take a lot

Donald Trump, as a candidate, promised not to take a salary for serving as president. Since the law says he must be paid, the president is donating his salary. His first-quarter “earnings” went to the Interior Department. And the second-quarter paycheck went to the Education Department, which is due for a 13 percent cut in Trump’s proposed budget. WigWAG wonders: Are donations to government agencies tax-deductible? We’ll probably never know what Trump’s tax returns show.

Gut-busters

The Center for Science in the Public Interest issued its annual “Xtreme Eating” awards, recognizing “nutritional nightmares” served in U.S. restaurants. The Cheesecake Factory made the list twice. Its Pasta Napoletana — sausage, pepperoni, meatballs and bacon on pasta that’s been greased with butter and cream — delivers 2,310 calories and 79 grams of saturated fat. And then there’s the boozy Flying Gorilla shake — five scoops of chocolate ice cream drenched in 20 ounces of Budweiser beer.

Not a new deal

Democratic Party leaders this summer rolled out a new agenda with a populist pitch aimed at winning back voters lost to Donald Trump in the 2016 election — still a baffling thought. Promoting “A Better Deal: Better Jobs, Better Wages, Better Future,” the leadership promised “a better deal for American workers.” The rebranding effort prompted a small protest, at which activists hoisted pizza boxes with photos of Nancy Pelosi and the words “Better skills, Better jobs, Better wages, Still Pelosi.” Some have mocked the Dems’ slogan as similar to “Better Ingredients, Better Pizza,” the slogan for Papa John’s pizza.

Hypocritical much?

During a debate with Chelsea Handler over Obamacare, right-wing firebrand and Trump supporter Tomi Lahren admitted she takes advantage of the health care law’s benefits — despite opposing it. At age 24, Lahren remains on her parents’ health insurance policy, thanks to a provision in the law that allows such coverage up to age 26. The debate occurred at Politicon, a non-partisan event.

Un-presidential personified

Before he exited his clown car and entered the presidential circus, Donald Trump was close to signing on to play the president in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! But then, he decided not to because — wait for it — he was afraid the appearance would make him look un-presidential. Producer David Latt asked Mark Cuban to take the role instead, triggering a swift threat from a Trump lawyer: “He basically said, ‘How dare you? Donald wanted to do this. We’re going to sue you! We’re going to shut the entire show down!’” Latt told The Hollywood Reporter. It doesn’t get much more presidential than that, does it?

Not a foam party

Flight attendants really hate it when you order Diet Coke. It takes forever to pour, because the lack of sugar creates way more foam than regular sodas. Pouring it over ice makes matters worse. “I’ve actually had nightmares about frantically trying to finish a never-ending Diet Coke beverage service before landing,” American Airlines flight attendant Heather Poole told the Huffington Post.

Cute enough to KISS?

KISS frontman Gene Simmons tweeted “This is real, folks!!!” after seeing an image of a newborn calf with black-and-white facial markings similar to Simmons’ onstage persona. Genie the calf was born on a ranch near Kerrville, Texas, northwest of San Antonio. The ranchers say Genie is a family favorite and won’t be sold for slaughter.

From http://www.wisconsingazette.com/blogs/wigwag-queen-elizabeth-s-drinking-habits-a-kiss-cow-and/article_7c505e0a-7dd2-11e7-858d-e31eed36fd39.html

"10 Most Brutal Schools In The World"

Open Blog - Thursday


Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello my honey dews and don't.  Such beautiful weather!  Get out ,play some game, fall down and cut yourself, end up in the ER getting stitches.  Then you can sue somebody.  It's the great American game.  While I've been the target of lawsuits often enough, I don't think I've ever brought suit against somebody. This whole stinkin' city is full of opportunities to sue.  With an even halfway decent case, the city will fold.  One of my favorites is the "your bus ran over my foot' litigation.  It helps if you have a corrupt foot doctor on your side, but it's not necessary.  In fact, a doctor can cut into your settlement quite a bit.  Limp into City Hall some morning and yell out, "Your bus ran over my foot.  When I yelled for him to stop, he didn't"  Then threaten to sue and see what happens.  If nothing else, you should get something for pain and suffering.  This city just loves to give away money.

If you're really into it, claim some sort of back or nerve damage.  Those are very hard to disprove or prove so it may take awhile, but you could end up with a healthy chunk of change.  We've been giving millions to lying ohn's contacts.  How about we keep some of that green at home?   Speaking of which, my candidate, Sandy Weidner has a campaign headquarters:


She's also released a statment on her run:



Sandy is my candidate, so you'll find a preponderance of evidence to support her here. The above snippets come from Racine Community Media: http://racinecommunitymedia.tumblr.com/

Maybe, just maybe, with the head of the snake removed, our Common Council can return to normal.  If not, we'll just have to chase the rest of the cons out.  I believe that lying John will attempt to run Racine "long distance."  His crew is in place.  They'll push his agenda.  Maybe lying John can attempt a takeover of the US Government.  He should be able to pull that off in a week or so.

Speaking of the US Government, I believe that it's our duty to squash the bug currently running North Korea.  All he does is talk war with us.  Well, bring it.  You must have at least a dozen nuclear weapons.  We only have a few thousand.  Pig.

Well, like I said, today is turning out to be a great day.  Plenty of sun and temps not too high.  Thanks for reading the time to read my blog today.  I appreciate all of my readers and encourage them to send more my way.

madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

Thank you, again, for recommending our site.  We're nothing if not crazy.

__________________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

 

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Open Blog - Wednesday


Don't fall off of your bar stool.

"Stick Wad"

From the Shepherd Express: 

By Art Kumbalek  4 hours ago


I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, I got the good news and I got the bad news—what’s the “good” and what’s the “bad” is up to you’s, but here it is: On one hand, I’m back from a summertime Up North odyssey 30 miles straight out of Hayward; on the other hand, I’ve returned queasily under-the-weather to the degree that there’s not much on my platter that I can shovel your way in the form of an essay, what the fock.

But hey, thanks for taking care of the city—such as it is—while I was away. And yeah, the trip was OK, thanks for asking, until focking Ernie somehow managed to drop the car keys out of the goddamn boat for christ sakes. You know, when you go Up North you always hear about the deer ticks and the wood ticks and I say big focking deal, ’cause I tell you that the ones that really get under your skin are the luna-focking-tics you’re vacationing with, I kid you not.

Yeah yeah, we were way up northwest around your Sawyer/Bayfield counties, a quaintly developed area of the state where I swear Woodrow Wilson is still president. But it’s one heck of a scenic locale, and although job opportunities seem slim, there appears to be plenty of eating opportunities given the load of girth the huge majority of residents have swaddled themselves with. Cripes, my buddy and political campaign-fund solicitor Herbie goes about 225 lbs. but Haywardians always threw in a couple extra bucks out of sympathy when he panhandled them for the cause ’cause they thought he was sick-thin from chemo treatments or something.

We held our brainstormin’ retreat that could change the future of this country at my buddy Ernie’s brother-in-law’s state-of-the-art summer home. Yes sir, state of the art provided you were a contemporary of Jean Nico-focking-let. And spacious? You bet. How would the equivalent size of three modern-apartment bedroom closets, with equivalent toilet facilities to boot, sound to you? Well, whatever it is you hear Up North, it sure wouldn’t be the sound of a flush toilet if you’d have stayed where we did.

And I’m also tight on time on account of having to meet the fellas up over by the Uptowner tavern/charm school, so’s we can make our plans for going to see the new Apes Planet movie. But I got to tell you, even if this movie is Oscar-worthy, it won’t seem like a genuine Apes movie to me without Chuck Heston in it. Talk about a guy with a style. I don’t want to say the guy brought a curious quality of woodenness to his characters, but whereas most of your actors put on some makeup before doing a scene, Chuck would slap on a fresh coat of varnish and be ready for action, what the fock.

You know, in this new batch of Apes movies, the monkeys are as smart or smarter than the humans—like they’re super aliens from outer space somewheres. Which reminds me, I read an article the other day about this institute out in California to search for extraterrestrial intelligence. And I’ll tell you’s that anytime I hear of some outfit out of Californica that goes by the name of an institute or academy, my nut radar starts to hyperventilate. Contacting aliens? A terrible idea. What if we get mixed up with a bunch of conquistadors from who-knows-where? Hey, go ask the Aztecs how that panned out for them—if you can find any.

And speaking of species of lesser intelligence, our President Orange Circus Peanut apparently entertains a novel notion regarding personal fitness. The following is from a Trump biography by a couple of Washington Post writers, by way of Kali Holloway from Alternet:

“After college, after Trump mostly gave up his personal athletic interests, he came to view time spent playing sports as time wasted. Trump believed the human body was like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted. So he didn’t work out. When he learned that John O’Donnell, one of his top casino executives, was training for an Ironman triathlon, he admonished him, ‘You are going to die young because of this.’”

Talk about compassion, ain’a? And this from a guy who was supposed to have a great fantastic plan for health care, a great beautiful plan—part of which, I imagine, that if you now couldn’t afford the astro-focking-nomical health insurance plan, insurance companies would be mandated to rent you a shovel so’s you could choose to dig your own focking grave, what the fock.

Cripes, I got to go relax. Anyways, it’s nice to be back where a guy like me can see concrete again wherever he looks, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

Open Blog - Tuesday


Feels like Friday to me.

Friday, August 4, 2017

"The Foxconn Con"

From the Shepherd Express:

By Joel McNally  Aug. 1, 2017

Photo credit: Prachatai (Flickr CC)  

Editor's Note: The following are Joel McNally’s opinions. We agree with his observations and his cautions. The Shepherd’s position is that, since Wisconsin has had a dismal job creation record over the past several years, we embrace the idea of taking a risk with Foxconn. We hope that Foxconn delivers close to the number of jobs it is estimating, and we believe that the Walker administration could improve its deal by requiring Foxconn to abide by DNR regulations and, rather than making the annual $200 million tax credit a refundable tax credit, it should be a non-refundable tax credit that can be carried forward.

"Why do you think it’s called Foxconn? Politics aside, everyone who cares about Wisconsin really wants to believe all those gushing promises about the staggering number of high-paying jobs about to be created by a gargantuan high-tech facility—three times as large as the Pentagon—guaranteed to transform Racine and Kenosha into a modern-day version of Walt Disney’s Tomorrowland. But it sure would be a lot easier to believe if the breathless announcement hadn’t been made jointly by President Donald Trump, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and Terry Gou, chairman of the Taiwanese electronics company Foxconn, all three notorious public liars.

"Many people are familiar with the dubious veracity of Trump and Walker. The Washington Post’s running tally of Trump’s documented lies and misrepresentations averages nearly five a day. Walker once attempted to remove 'the search for truth' from the mission of the University of Wisconsin and then lied about trying to do it. But most Wisconsinites are just starting to learn about Gou’s stream of broken promises around the world to spend billions of dollars to create tens of thousands of jobs—$10 billion in Brazil, $5 billion in India, $5 billion in Vietnam, $1 billion in Indonesia, $30 million in Pennsylvania—that came to little or nothing. He sounds like Trump and Walker’s brother from another mother.

"An early warning sign the Wisconsin announcement might produce far less than the mind-boggling claims was the mysteriously shrinking number of promised jobs. In January, around the time of Trump’s inauguration, Gou announced he might invest at least $7 billion in the U.S. to create 30-50,000 jobs producing flat LCD screens for TVs and computers. By the time Walker made the announcement, Gou’s investment was claimed to be $10 billion producing only 13,000 jobs. Even that number appeared to be inflated by Walker. Foxconn said it would only be hiring 3,000 workers over four years, and eventually that number might potentially grow “up to 13,000.” Someday. Maybe. Or maybe not.

"Walker has a history of promising unbelievable jobs numbers that never happen. Walker’s motive for fabricating Foxconn numbers is obvious. A 'transformational,' 'once-in-a-century' jobs coup is the perfect start to the re-election campaign of a governor whose greatest political liability is his failed jobs record.

"But, while many of those jobs could be imaginary, the historic $3 billion (that’s billion with a 'b') state tax giveaway Walker wants his eager Republican legislature to hand to Foxconn is real, hard cash. If Foxconn makes its promised investment, Wisconsin would literally write checks for more than $200 million a year for the next 15 years to Gou’s multi-billion-dollar company.

‘A Guaranteed Loser for the State’

"Good Jobs First, a nonpartisan Washington, D.C. research group that tracks government subsidies to private companies, ranked it as the fourth-largest tax incentive deal in U.S. history and unlikely ever to produce enough revenue to justify the enormous cost. 'We can only describe this as a gift from Wisconsin taxpayers to Foxconn shareholders,' Executive Director Greg LeRoy told The New York Times. 'This is a guaranteed loser for the state.'

"Walker swears state safeguards protect taxpayers. If Foxconn doesn’t create 13,000 jobs, he said, it won’t get all of its $3 billion windfall, and anybody who raises questions about the deal can go suck lemons. But when, exactly, over the next decade-and-a-half would Wisconsin decide Foxconn isn’t creating enough jobs and stop writing $200 million dollar checks? After Foxconn’s first billion in five years if it’s only created the 3,000 jobs it promised? After the second billion? And what kind of deal is paying a billion dollars to create 3,000 jobs, anyway? In 2010, with what would now be the second-largest Wisconsin subsidy, Democratic Gov. Jim Doyle saved 3,000 jobs at Mercury Marine in Fond du Lac for a mere $65 million (with an 'm').

"Politicians are always thrilled to attract high-tech 'jobs of the future.' But high-tech factories almost always mean far fewer jobs. Foxconn’s biggest investments are likely to be in robotics. Foxconn recently announced laying off 60,000 workers at its iPhone 6 factory in Kushan, China—more than 50% of the workforce—replacing them with robotic advanced technology, also produced by Foxconn. 

"One of the attractions of Wisconsin for Gou was the anti-union, anti-worker culture Walker has brought to the state. That’s disturbing given Foxconn’s reputation as a dangerous, high-stress work environment. Chinese workers complain of working seven days a week and standing for long hours on swelling legs. In 2010, there was a suicide cluster of 18 workers throwing themselves from Foxconn buildings, with 14 deaths. Foxconn installed safety nets to catch the falling bodies. Two years later, 150 workers threatened mass suicide from the roof of one factory before they were talked down.

"Do Walker’s state safeguards for Foxconn’s Magic Kingdom include suicide nets? Mass suicides can put a real crimp in a state’s workforce development".

From: http://shepherdexpress.com/article-30171-the-foxconn-con.html


I'll bet you they'll be gone, money in hand, before a spadeful of dirt is overturned.

Four for Fridays!

We survived watching my sons three dogs last weekend. I am so glad for Daddy Orbs he stepped in for me last week. Here are your questions.

1) Do you sit outside and watch the thunderstorms?

2) So you have pets that are scared of the thunderstorms?

3) Do you have aches and pains when it thunderstorms?

4) Do you like to watch the lighting?

Have a great weekend!

Open Blog - Friday


Hurrayayayayay!

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

"Trump thinks the 'White House is a real dump,' report says"



"President Trump told members at his Trump National Bedminster golf club he has spent so much time there recently because 'that White House is a real dump,' Golf magazine reported Tuesday.

"According to the in-depth look at the president and his relationship to golf, Bedminster has become one of Trump's favorite escapes. It served as a 'permanent campaign rally site' in the months leading up to the election and Trump has visited the club four times since taking office. 

"'He has his own cottage adjacent to the pool; it was recently given a secure perimeter by the Secret Service, leading to the inevitable joke that it's the only wall Trump has successfully built,' Golf magazine reported. 'Chatting with some members before a recent round of golf, he explained his frequent appearances "That White House is a real dump."

"By contrast, people who've played with Trump on his courses say he praises every detail of his clubs."



He's right, the place is a dump.  Better it's rented out to me.

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my blessings! How are you?  We've been having some beautiful weather lately.  I hope that you're enjoying some.  I love having the windows open as opposed to the air conditioner.  But when it's hot and I can't get a breeze going in the house, I've been known to turn on the a/c.  There goes the electric bill.  Senor Zanza says that he can cool down the entire house.  All we have to do is move to Antarctica.  Sometimes I'm half-tempted to do just that. 

Have you heard the news?  Foxconn is coming to southeastern Wisconsin.  Oboy, oboy, roll out the red carpet and strike up the band.  They've screwed around a number of other communities, so I'll believe it when construction starts.  Meanwhile, where are we going to get 3,000 people qualified to work there?  We have plenty of unemployed people, They can't read or write or do simple math.  They can't get up early in the morning and they hare no idea of what work is.  These illiterates don't want to work.  Their parents never taught them the basics of employment.  If Foxconn does settle here, expect the majority of the workers to drive or ride in from other communities.  Chicago comes ti mind, but I don't want to start any rumors.

I must admit that I love the circus that the presidency has become.  Apparently, no one is qualified to work at the White House, either.  The last guy had ten days on the job when he was replaced.  I believe that Mr. Trump is more interested in keeping the pot boiling rather than settling into any groove.  Presidency by Twitter.  It's become a circus and is very entertaining.  Every day his employees must wake up and wonder if the still have a job.  Just check your tweets to find out.  Just shut up, Mr. Trump, and do your job.  I suggest that you start by bombing North Korea back to the stone age.  Wait, they're already in the stone age.  I guess we'll just need to obliterate fat boy.  Unite the Koreas again.

Just a short note: Mr. Trump's wall will cut off the migration routes of thousands of animals.  Keep up the good work, Mr. Trump.

Racine's government became less fun with the abdication of lying John.  Without that source of the maximum in lies, we're becoming a normal city again.  Who'd a thunk it?  Good-bye lying John, hello normalcy.  I hope that interim Mayor Wiser and the rest of the city council has the balls to do away with the proposed Machinery Row and the events center.  I know that a lot of people are expecting to get rich off of these projects, but let's stop subsidizing every contractor in town.  Let them find their own work.  There's plenty of fixing up that needs to be done in Racine.  Concentrate on that instead of pie in the sky announcements out of City Hall.

Well, kiddos, I love you all and wish you the best.  Thank you for reading my blog this week.  I'm always looking for new readers.  We are family.

madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

Again, enjoy the good weather while we have it.  I wouldn't be surprised if it snows in September.  The new, screwed up environment is almost as entertaining as Mr. Trump's lies.  Remember, always keep an umbrella and a change of clothes in the car when you drive anywhere.  You never know what to expect.
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If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.
     

Open Blog - Wednesday


Have a good one!

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

" Kinta Grandmother Takes Aim At Copperheads"

Posted: Jul 28, 2017 12:13 PM CST Updated: Jul 28, 2017 1:03 PM CST

"KINTA, Oklahoma -

"A 72-year-old grandmother is getting a lot of attention on social media after killing 11 copperhead snakes she found at her home near Kinta.


 "According to family members, Mrs. Newby killed the 11 copperheads in one night, then four more the next.

 "Family members say she believes there is a den under her old house trailer.

"They said her 'weapons of choice' are a 20-gauge shotgun and a shovel when she runs out of shells.

"Last month, the family said Mrs. Newby killed a five-foot-six-inch western diamondback rattlesnake."

Susan Thompson

From: http://www.newson6.com/story/35995964/kinta-woman-takes-aim-at-copperheads


They just don't make them like they used to.

Open Blog - Tuesday


The hot month.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

"WiGWAG: A Cher musical, trapped in an ATM, and more"

News with a twist

Updated

Texas hold ’em

A man hired to service an ATM at a Bank of America in Corpus Christi, Texas, found himself locked inside an ATM access — and he’d left his cellphone and keycard in his truck. When he realized customers were at the ATM to withdraw cash, he started passing notes through the receipt slot on the machine. “Please help. I’m stuck in here and I don’t have my phone.” Police said customers thought they were being pranked, but one called police after hearing an ever-so faint voice seeming to come from inside the ATM.

All shook up

More than a few people fell for an old hoax recently recycled by Now8News and circulated on YouTube. The fake story goes like this: Elvis Presley did not die Aug. 16, 1977, but instead entered the federal witness protection program. He only died recently, as a homeless man living in San Diego and going by the name of Jessie. All that would come as a shock to the tens of thousands of pilgrims preparing to visit Elvis’ grave at his Graceland mansion in Memphis, Tennessee, in August for the 40th anniversary of the King’s death. Elvis Week begins Aug. 11 and continues through Aug. 19.

This one’s on the Federal Reserve

Those guarantees about your money being safe at the bank? The Federal Reserve’s going to have to come through and replace an unspecified amount of cash ruined by flooding at the Fox River State Bank in Burlington, Wisconsin. When the Fox rose past flood stage, water flooded the bank and its vault, which is water-resistant but not waterproof. The water reached as high as 21 inches inside the bank.

Oversight

The current issue of the British medical journal, BMJ, contains a case report about a woman scheduled for cataract surgery based on her complaints about vision problems. Her doctors, however, discovered 27 contact lenses in her right eye. The woman had been wearing disposable lenses for 35 years and, apparently not all of them were disposed of.

At the ‘dive in’

In 1975, the movie-going public was warned about seeing Jaws: “You’ll never go in the water again.” Well, in July, to celebrate Shark Week, the brave and the bold paid $55 not only to go into the water but also to watch Jaws, Jaws 2, Jaws 3 and Jaws: The Revenge while bobbing on inner tubes in Lake Travis in Austin, Texas. The Alamo Drafthouse Cinema movie parties featured sneaky scuba divers to guarantee plenty of screaming during the screenings.

Over a cliff, again and again

Remember those long summer days spent playing video games? Yes, WiGWAG is talking about last week, when we became obsessed with an online game — “Push Trump Off a Cliff Again!” — at pushtrumpoffacliffagain.com. Using simple keystrokes or mouse clicks, players could send Trump running, jumping, flying and dancing over a cliff or into a volcano. As Trump tumbles, he says “bye” and “I’m really rich.”

Bad call

A Florida drug dealer called the sheriff’s office in Okaloosa County to report that someone broke into his car and stole $50 in cash, a crack pipe and a quarter-ounce of cocaine. Unluckily for the complainant, a deputy found the car with the cash missing but the drugs and paraphernalia untouched.

Egg on their faces

Two Florida teens picked the wrong bicyclist to throw an egg at: The cyclist was a police officer. He chased the vehicle and called for help with his cellphone. A responding patrol officer pulled over the teens’ car and found two cartons of eggs and a small amount of marijuana.

Tres Cher

Cher is the subject of a new musical that producers say could hit the stage next year. The three-act play will focus on the superstar at three stages of her storied life, and three actors will portray her as “Babe,” “Lady” and “Star.” Tony award-winning writer Rick Elice is at work on the production, which will feature such hits as “I Got You Babe,” “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves,” “Believe,” and “If I Could Turn Back Time.”

Big tipper

Actor/singer Donnie Wahlberg left a $2,000 tip on an $82.60 bill for workers at a Waffle House in Charlotte, North Carolina. He explained the generosity on Facebook: “My mom waited tables, and my dad tended bars — for years! So, when I walk into a #WaffleHouse, and the staff treats me like a king, you better believe I treat them like queens!”

Over-sharing

A Maryland man was arrested after strangling his stepfather and then posting photos of himself with the body.

From: http://www.wisconsingazette.com/blogs/wigwag-a-cher-musical-trapped-in-an-atm-and-more/article_2dacd310-72d2-11e7-8008-0be220ac14dd.html

Saturday, July 29, 2017

FOXCONN! FOXCONN! FOXCONN!

Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn! Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!
Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn! Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!
Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn! Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!
Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn! Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!
Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn! Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!
Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn! Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!
Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn! Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!
Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn! Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!  Foxconn!

Hwys. 31, 20, and C a Mess


Hwy 31 from MM to 20 is being heavily rebuilt.  At the same time, portions of Hwys. 20 and C that intersect with 31 are also being rebuilt.  I live out here now and I've never seen worse driving.   Anything out of the ordinary and the average motorist is bewildered.  A little while ago I was very tempted to give another driver a whack on the side of the head with a 2 x 4.

Every day brings new obstacles and the drivers' little brains just stop working.  I was screaming, "Go!  Go!" to another motorist and he looked totally lost.  There were some orange barrels up, so he didn't know what to do.  In fact, 90% of the motorists can't handle anything out of the ordinary.  I've never seen so many fuck-ups in my life.  Maybe I should spend a day out there and videotape the madness.

Racine drivers are idiots.  Give me Chicago drivers any day.

Open Blog - Weekend


Cool clouds.

Friday, July 28, 2017

"4 Real Flying Cars That Actually Fly"



Me want.

Four For Fridays

Once again I'm filling in for Tender Heart Bear.  She and Drew are dog sitting up north.  Your questions:

1)  If you could be anyone, living or dead, fictional or real, who would it be?

2)  If you like candy, what kind?

3)  If you like nuts, what kind?

4)  Who has the best Friday night fish fry?

Bonus question 5)  What should we do about North Korea and Kim Sung Tongue?

Enjoy the upcoming weekend, Irregulars.

Open Blog - Friday


Hurray, hurray, hurray!

Thursday, July 27, 2017

"NOT REAL NEWS: A look at what didn’t happen this week"


by Lisa Neff

A roundup of some of the most popular, but completely untrue, headlines of the past week. None of these stories are legit, even though they were shared widely on social media.

NOT REAL: Trump Is Furious After Discovering Gov’t Waste

THE FACTS: A story posted by borntobebright.com falsely claims that Trump initiated an internal audit of the Social Security Administration. While the piece correctly states that the audit found the agency spent nearly $32 million on conferences from fiscal years 2013 to 2016, the inquiry ended in January, before Trump was inaugurated.

NOT REAL: SEVERAL BLACK MEN FOUND DEAD IN MASS GRAVE AT DEAD KKK LEADER’S ESTATE

THE FACTS: The story shared by the Jackson Telegraph and other hoax sites claims the FBI announced the discovery a mass grave of black men at the former Mississippi home of KKK leader Eldon Lee Edwards. Brett Carr, a spokesman for the FBI’s Jackson, Mississippi, tells the AP the story is “fabricated” and has “no validity.” The announcement was attributed to an FBI spokesman named Adrian Cartwright, but Carr says the bureau has no spokesmen by that name.

NOT REAL: Gretchen Carlson: “The 2nd Amendment Was Written Before Guns Were Invented”

THE FACTS: The former Fox News anchor did come out in support of an assault weapons ban last year and defended her stance on Twitter. But she never claimed the Second Amendment was written before guns were invented. In fact, Carlson said on Fox News that she wanted to “hold true the sanctity of the Second Amendment while still having common sense.” The story shared by redherald.com, therightists.com and other sites also claims Carlson doubted that Elvis Presley is dead and man landed on the Moon.

NOT REAL: Trey Gowdy Ends The Russia Investigation ONCE AND FOR ALL

THE FACTS: Gowdy said the House Oversight Committee he leads would end its investigation into ties between President Donald Trump’s campaign and Russia, but he has no power to halt other inquiries. Investigations by other Congressional committees and special counsel Robert Mueller are ongoing. Gowdy, a Republican from South Carolina, is a frequent target of false news sites focusing on politics.

NOT REAL: Urban Meyer resigns as head football coach for Ohio State

THE FACTS: The Buckeyes coach hasn’t stepped down despite this story from hoax site channel23news.com. The item is clearly marked as a prank and takes a shot at Ohio State’s archrival, Michigan. The fake article quotes Meyer as saying that his resignation is the only way Michigan can beat the Buckeyes. Ohio State has beaten Michigan five straight times since Meyer took over at Ohio State in 2012.

From http://www.wisconsingazette.com/news/not-real-news-a-look-at-what-didn-t-happen/article_c2c8e8be-70aa-11e7-8699-3f2387c0546b.html

Alltime10s Thursdays

Open Blog - Thursday


The same to you.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my children!  How are you?  Does it seem to you that colors are more vibrant, birds chirp more often, everyone looks a little happier?  That's what I call the lying John effect.  Everyone felt a load taken off of their shoulders as soon as lying John left office.  I know that I feel better with that conman out of office.  Unfortunately, we'll be living with the effects of his years in office for a long time to come.  I was hoping that the idea of an "events center" and hotel would die, along with Machinery Row, with lying John gone.  We'll just have to wait and see on those.

I'm already getting excited about the Packers' new season.  Will they finally make it to the Super Bowl?  Or am I being unrealistic?  Actually, I know.  But you don't.  Go, Pack, Go!

Did you read about the man who bought an ice cream cart to make some money, but says he's been kicked out of every location?  Now he's selling the cart:  http://journaltimes.com/news/local/ice-cre
am-business-not-worth-it---unlucky-chuck/article_9dad4524-a6cd-11df-ae31-001cc4c03286.html
Is that poor planning by a startup, or over regulation of businesses in Racine?  At first, I believed the city was throttling new, small businesses.  But now that I think of it, every ice cream cart I've seen was moving unless making a sale.  $3,000 he paid for the cart.  Oh dear.

I just read that the body found in a ditch in Mount Pleasant has been identified as that of a missing Kenosha teen: http://journaltimes.com/news/local/police-identify-body-found-as-missing-kenosha-teen/article_9d27d167-5cfc-513d-b333-946a12da011a.html There is so much violence in our society that I can barely take it.  Many Europeans consider all of us to be gun fanatics who get off on killing each other.  I'm just waiting for the next cop/civilian shootout.  The Europeans may be right.  Canadians have as many guns per capita as the USA, but only a small percentage of our deaths.  So why do we have so many gun deaths?  Is it our media or movie or music business to blame?  Or all of them?  I don't know this one.  You tell me.

Junior wants a gun (and a Playmate and a car), but I tell him he has to wait until he's 18.  I assume that Senor Zanza is qualified to teach him gun safety.  I have no objective reason for believing this, but every time I've needed something or someone, he's always been there, and quickly resolves the problem.  Maybe I should propose to him.

Thank you, guys, for reading my blog this week.  I love a lot of readers.  I love a lot of things.

madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

We're in the heart of summer.  Get out there and enjoy it. 
 __________________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

"Car show will feature American muscle cars"


"MOUNT PLEASANT — The sixth annual All-American Modern Muscle Car Show will be held from 4 to 9 p.m. Saturday, July 29, at Georgie Porgies, 5502 Washington Ave. Registration for show car participants begins at 4 p.m.

"The event will feature a car show, silent auction, 1980’s and ‘90’s music, participant voting, 'car'-icature and pencil artists and awards. Cars must be 2005 or newer and are restricted to All-American modern muscle brands. Dash plaques will be given to the first 75 registrants.

"The cost is $10 to show a car. There is no charge for spectators. Proceeds will benefit Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin. Last year, a check was presented to Children’s Hospital for $1,500.

Open Blog - Wednesday



2. Still not even Thursday.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

"Sim Sala Ba-ding!"

From the Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek 2 hours ago
 

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? Listen, I’m on special-reporter assignment to research the whereabouts of the past, so I’m short on the wherewithal to pony up an essay for you’s this week, what the fock.

I thought to take a look-see over by the Uptowner tavern/charm school. The past may be hiding out there. Problem is the Uptowner isn’t open yet, so I figure to swing by my favorite open-24-hours restaurant where a guy like me can get a jump-start on girding his loins in preparation for the day’s daily shit-storm to follow. Come along if you want but you leave the tip. Let’s get going.

Bea: Hey there, Artie, what’s your pleasure?

Art: Bea! How the heck are you? Haven’t seen much of you around here lately. Everything all right by you?

Bea: Everything’s fine, Artie, I’ve been just so busy lately. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. First, I had jury duty.

Art: Yeah yeah, the jury duty can really eat up the time.

Bea: Yes it can.

Art: I’ll never forget the one time I had the jury duty. This guy’s on trial for aggravated assault. The judge says to the guy, “You are charged with assaulting your wife with a hammer,” and I hear a voice in the back of the courtroom yell, “You bastard.” The judge bangs his gavel and continues, “You are also charged with assaulting your mother-in-law with a hammer.” Again, the voice in the back yells, “You bastard.”

The judge is really angry and directly addresses the guy who’s been yelling. Judge says, “We cannot have any more of these outbursts from you, sir, or I shall charge you with contempt. Now, what seems to be the problem?”

And the guy who’s been shouting says, “Fifteen years I’ve lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one!”

Bea: Really, Artie.

Art: Oh yeah Bea, I swear.

Bea: And I’ve been busy helping my niece get ready for college.

Art: Well, it’s nice to see you back here, Bea. How ’bout you bring me a nice cup of the blackest, thickest and cheapest of whatever it is you’re calling plain old American coffee today, thank you very kindly.

Bea: Coming right up, Artie. There you go.

Art: So what does your niece plan to study?

Bea: International relations.

Art: Good idea, Bea, ’cause you read the papers these days and gosh darn if we couldn’t use more people who knew how to relate internationally—what a world, ain’a?

Bea: That it is, Artie.

Art: Take this terrorism, for example. A lot of people say, “Oh yeah, terrorism. We ought to fight fire with fire.” And I say, you got to be jerking my beefaroni. That’s like you discover your kitchen’s on fire, so you say, “Hey, my kitchen’s on fire. I know what I’ll do. I’ll start my bedroom on fire to boot. That’ll take care of it.” Cripes Bea, how stupid can you get, ain’a?

Bea: Couldn’t tell you, Artie.

Art: These so-called terrorist countries—the people seem to me to be a pretty grumpy bunch.

Bea: I suppose they don’t have much to be cheerful about.

Art: Exactly. Call me crazy, but I happen to believe that bombing the bejesus out of them is not exactly going to improve their disposition. We’d have a lot better chance of turning things around in these countries if we were to fly over and airdrop a couple, three hundred-thousand whoopee cushions for the people ’cause I ask you Bea: Who doesn’t get a kick out of those magical little rubberized gas bags?

Bea: Beats me, Artie.

Art: See, Bea? Once the people get the hang of how to use them, they just might think that “Hey, the world’s not such a bad place, after all.” And along with the whoopee cushion, let’s include the squirt bow-tie, the fake dog doo-doo and a complimentary translated copy of the “Henny Youngman Bedside Joke Companion.” Time to put the “fun” into fundamentalism.

Bea: I suppose it’s worth a try.

Art: Darn tootin’, Bea. And you know, some of these nutball leaders in the threatening countries, they got like a couple, three, four wives each—talk about your perfect audience for Henny on the topic of marriage, ain’a? Like: “I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.” Or, “I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me!” And my favorite: “First guy says proudly, ‘My wife’s an angel.’ Second guy says, ‘You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.’ ”

Bea: You might be on to something, Artie.

Art: Anyways, I got to run, so thanks for the coffee and for letting me bend your ear there, Bea—utiful.

Bea: My pleasure, Artie. Always nice getting talked at by you. Take care.

(It’s off to the Uptowner, if I see you there, you buy me one ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.)

Open Blog - Tuesday


Wednesday will get jealous.

Monday, July 24, 2017

"This crowd saw something suspicious: See how they react"


"'If you see something, say something' has become a national slogan, but if something suspicious happened in front of you, would you notice? How would you react? TODAY national investigative correspondent Jeff Rossen reports the results of a revealing hidden camera experiment."

http://www.today.com/video/this-crowd-saw-something-suspicious-see-how-they-react-1007434819644

I ALWAYS speak up now.  I don't want to be someone's victim.  Twice now I've reported suspicious packages at the Post Office.  A guy came in, dropped a parcel on the desk, and left.  I immediately spoke up.  Turns out, he had a girlfriend in line and she was mailing it.  But you never know.  Better off safe than dead or maimed.