News with a twist Lisa Neff and Louis Weisberg, Staff writersUpdated
Blame it on Oktoberfest
La Crosse police received a complaint that a couple was copulating in a
car parked on a residential street, Officer Aaron Westpfahl responded.
Car windows fogged? Check. Car rocking back and forth? Check. So
Westpfahl opened the back door and found a naked young couple in
flagrante delicto. The officer was more or less told to get lost. “I’m
trying to f***,” said the 21-year-old male. But as Westpfahl hauled the
couple off to jail, the young fellow tried to win his sympathy: “You’re a
man. You should understand. It’s Oktoberfest weekend,” he said.
Near Plymouth Rock
9 was designated as Columbus Day on many 2017 calendars in the United
States. But the museum on the historic English colony at Plymouth
recognized Oct. 9 as Indigenous Peoples Day. Plimoth Plantation, a
living history museum in Plymouth, Massachusetts, celebrated the history
and culture of the Wampanoags, the Native Americans encountered by
English settlers some four centuries ago. Indigenous Peoples Day also
was observed on many college campuses and by some government
institutions, including Milwaukee County.
Costly show of ‘patriotism’
President Mike Pence flew to Indianapolis to catch a football game
between the Indianapolis Colts and San Francisco 49ers, warning in
advance that he’d leave if any players kneeled during the national
anthem. That was odd, because players had already announced their
intention to take a knee. When they did, Pence and his wife abruptly
left, making a show of their “patriotism.” But Pence’s stunt required
the re-routing of Air Force 2, which cost taxpayers the patriotic sum of
A great-granddaughter of former
Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev says Donald Trump’s latest attacks on
the media reminded her of Joseph Stalin. Trump accused NBC of “fake
news” and said he wanted its broadcast license revoked — notwithstanding
the fact that networks are not licensed. According to Nina Khrushcheva,
“President Trump defined ‘fake news’ the way Joseph Stalin defined
‘enemies of the people’: If they offer the slightest objection to his
rule they must be wrong. And they must be silenced.”
unusual smell prompted an evacuation and a hazardous materials response
at a Baltimore high school. Several people reported difficulty
breathing. But after five people were taken to the hospital complaining
of upset stomachs, fire officials discovered the source of the smell: a
pumpkin-spice air freshener plugged into an outlet in a classroom.
Spread the word
Mexico State University is allowing motorists to take a bite out of
certain parking tickets by paying with peanut butter. Drivers who have
received a “no current permit” parking citation can pay it with at least
80 ounces of peanut butter Oct. 23–27. All peanut butter donations will
be sent to the Aggie Cupboard. Officials say appealing the citation
forfeits the right to pay with peanut butter.
St. Bernard in South Dakota has set a new, slobbery world record. Mochi
now holds the Guinness World Record’s title for having the longest
tongue on a dog — 7.31 inches. The 8-year-old broke the previous record
held by a male Pekingese, whose tongue was a scant 4.5 inches.
Coupon to ‘kill’
days after a gunman killed 58 people and injured more than 500 at a
country music festival in Las Vegas, Groupon was offering a half-price
deal on “Massacre Tactical Laser Tag.” The games are held in a 4,000
square-foot arena in Northern Illinois that’s equipped with laser
weapons that “resemble real Glocks, MP5s, M16s and more.” The cost was
just $19 for 60 minutes. One satisfied customer wrote, “Great setup, my
kids loved it.”
Hundreds of undead people
gathered at the New Jersey shore for the annual zombie walk. Staged in
Asbury Park, the walk is considered one of the largest gatherings of its
kind. A zombie Donald Trump pushed a tombstone, tossed paper towels to
the crowd and asked, “Does anyone need saving?” Held less than a week
after the mass shooting in Las Vegas, organizers banned the use of prop
weapons — which apparently didn’t infringe on Second Amendment rights.
‘Paradise USA’ lost
in Key West, Florida, want to know who took the sign that welcomed
visitors to “Paradise USA.” It wasn’t Irma. The sign — which features a
painted sunset and was hung at the key’s entrance off U.S. 1 — was last
seen on the ground after Hurricane Irma roared across the island. For
now, a hand-painted “Welcome to Paradise” sign marks the spot where
“Paradise USA” once stood.
Ed. Note: Two
analysts/commentators have been assigned to Mr. Kumbalek’s column this
week to provide more comprehensive comprehension through the marvel of
instant analysis in hopes of attracting more male beer drinkers from
ages 18 to 34 to this page. The analysts we chose are former
professional writers—one now in advertising, the other fulfilling a
lengthy community service obligation. We feel their clear, insightful
and fun commentary will benefit both the seasoned reader as well as the
Analyst #1: Hello, and welcome. Before
the first paragraph gets under way, I’d like to ask my compatriot here
what kind of column—or essay, as Mr. Kumbalek prefers to pretentiously
call it—we can look forward to this week.
Analyst #2: With this writer, one never
knows. Questions are these: Does he have his essay face on and has he
come to write? Or, will he just sputter around in the backfield of his
mind until he figures he’s coughed up enough words to call it a day and
hit the nearest bar stool. Any given week, it’s a tossup, but let’s turn
to the action. Looks like he’s ready to kick it off.
[DROP CAP, PLEASE]
I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? Listen...
Anal. #1: Art seems to have called a very early timeout here. Any idea why?
Anal. #2: I think it’s an equipment
problem. He stopped to light a cigarette and pour himself another tub of
coffee. Right now he’s picking his nose, but I think he’s nearly ready
to retake the page.
I was wondering the other day if any of Yo-Yo Ma’s friends ever call him Duncan, like for a nickname, you know?
Anal. #1: Any idea who he’s talking about?
Anal. #2: Not a clue, but an otherwise nice, quick opener.
Anyways, before I get steamrollering Swiftly mine weekly battle
against the usual confederate union of dunces, hey, how ’bout this
holiday season coming back up like a bad burrito. Here in the States,
the season now commences with Columbus focking Day. But in different
parts of the world it ain’t the same, like over there by New Zealand,
where it starts Oct. 23 this year ’cause that’s their Labour Day, and I
got to tell you, I hope their labor situation is a whole lot healthier
than the crap sandwich the would-be American workingman is forced to
swallow, lo, these days.
Anal. #1: That opening phrase—meant to throw the reader offside?
Anal. #2: Fock if I know. And New Zealand, two questions: One, do we really need to know anything about it; and two, who cares?
Anal. #1: We know that the country was
settled by the Maoris, a group principally out of Polynesia, sometime
before 1350. And if they were cannibals, they’d enjoy this anecdote:
Sitting around after lunch, one cannibal says to the other, “Your wife
makes a nice soup.” The other says, “Yeah, I’m sure going to miss her.”
Now, back to the page.
I mean, do we even have unions, to speak of, anymore? We were so
cock-focking-sure all our problems were on account of the unions, ain’a?
Sky-high budget deficit? The unions. Can’t get the goods on pushing
goods in foreign markets? Unions. Your focking car’s cigarette lighter
doesn’t want to cooperate? Your kid can’t read? Aaron Rodgers’ busted
collarbone? You guessed it. The focking unions. Big Business heard the
Word and the Word was this: Go Ahead And Squash The Unions ’Cause Who’s
Going To Stop You. And the blue-collar man has become the
horse-shit-collar man and a buck two-eighty an hour won’t get you a pot
to pee in and this sucks, what the fock.
Anal. #1: Believe it or not, Art’s taking a TV timeout. Any thoughts on the action?
Anal. #2: Reasonably coherent approach,
an approach Mr. Kumbalek might think of trying more often. The
excessive capitalization, too cutesy by half. But here he comes, back
from the refrigerator with an ice-cold one in hand, so let’s get what’s
left of this page under way.
And speaking of the workplace, here’s one for you: So this hotshot
executive has a problem. He’s got to get rid of one of his staff, either
Jack or Jill. They’re equally qualified and do excellent work. He
decides that whichever one uses the water cooler first would get the
heave-ho. So Jill comes in, hung-over to the max after partying all
night. She goes to the cooler to take an aspirin. The executive says:
“Jill, excuse me, but I need to lay you or Jack off.” Jill says: “So
could you jack off? I feel like shit today.” Ba-ding!
Let this story be a warning to what workers we have left working
these days: Watch what you say. If our “Jill” had been less a party gal,
she could’ve slapped the executive guy so fast with a sex-harassment
suit right across the puss as to bring tears to his eyes, I kid you not.
I’m a sensitive guy when it comes to this subject ’cause
word-harassment is the solo reason I’m even at a workplace; it’s the
butter that pats my toast. Sure, my variety is written ’stead of spoken,
but you know what they say: “The pen is more mightily potenter than a
focking petard, for christ sakes,” ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told
Anal. #1: That’s it? Space has ended.
Let’s grab Mr. Kumbalek for a comment before his ritual post-essay
meltdown at the Uptowner tavern/charm school. Art, this column, this
essay. Call it a win, loss, or draw?
Hello, my partners in crime. Two of my worst nightmares came to fruition this week: Aaron Rodgers breaking his other collar bone and Cory Mason winning the Racine mayor's race. At least the weather has been nice. The cool is catching up with us, though. Some major holidays will arrive in the net few months. Up next: Halloween. Boo!
Cory Mason winning the mayor's job was a foregone conclusion by the good ol' boys. Personally, I can't stand the man. Don't invite both of us to the same soiree. Mr. Mason = Mr. Dickert. Why can't Racine catch a beak?
A break? Did I mention a break? Like Aaron Rodgers' collar bone? One tackle and an entire team's season changes. It's Rodgers' throwing arm, so expect some special exercise and care. Soon after Rodgers left the field, things took a turn for the worse. We lost. And with Rodgers out for the rest of the season, we better get used to losing. Oh crap.
Here are this week's Irregular Football League standings:
How did "Amanda's Crazy Team" slip past me? At least Mr. OrbsCorbs has been consistent: he's on the bottom week after week.
I've been in psychic contact with most of the other mediums around here, trying to dig up the truth about Yellowstone's Super Volcano. Almost all agree that the media are now downplaying the risk because there's nothing we can do anyway. If it blows, we goes.
It would be a fitting end to a species that's done nothing but crap on everything. But, please, wait till I've passed. I don't want to be around for the final showdown. I'm too old for this stuff.
Say a prayer for all the Irregulars who are facing physical problems and/or are dying. Some of us are getting up there in years.
Thank you all, once again, for reading my blog. I take great pleasure in writing it each week. It's even more pleasurable when your audience agrees with you. I love you all.
Get out there, if you can, and enjoy the waning days of 2017. Me? I'm hiding. They say trouble comes in threes. Rodgers' collar bone is one and Cory Mason is two, so who or what will be three?
_______________________________ Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at email@example.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order. Thank you.
Richard Spencer at the Conservative Political
Action Conference at Maryland’s National Harbor in February. He was
expelled from the event. (Joshua Roberts/Reuters)
?WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Florida Gov. Rick Scott declared a state of
emergency Monday in anticipation of a speech by white nationalist
Richard Spencer at the University of Florida. "Scott (R) warned in
an executive order that a 'threat of a potential emergency is imminent'
in Alachua County, where the public university is located. "The
order was intended to help with law enforcement agencies’ response to
rallies planned for Thursday, the governor said in a news release.
University of Florida officials said Monday afternoon that the order was
not made in response to any specific heightened threat. "Spencer
led hundreds of torch-bearing white supremacists, white nationalists and
others on a march chanting, 'You will not replace us' and 'Jews will
not replace us' at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville in
August. The group fought briefly with counterprotesters, and violence
worsened the following day when a man drove a car into a crowd of people
protesting a planned 'Unite the Right' rally, killing a woman and
injuring others. "A state of emergency was declared in Virginia after that violence"
"North Korea warned that a nuclear war 'may break out any moment' as the U.S. and South Korea began one of the largest joint naval drills off both the east and west coasts of the peninsula.
"Kim In Ryong, North Korea’s deputy ambassador to the United Nations, said on Monday that his nation had become a 'full-fledged nuclear power which possesses the delivery means of various ranges' and warned that 'the entire U.S. mainland is within our firing range.' He also called North Korea 'a responsible nuclear state.'
"'As long as one does not take part in the U.S. military actions against the DPRK, we have no intention to use or threaten to use nuclear weapons against any other country,' Kim said, referring to his country’s formal name.
" The comments are similar to other warnings North Korea has made over the past few months as tensions have increased with President Donald Trump’s administration. Kim Jong Un’s regime has repeatedly said it needs the capability to strike the U.S. with a nuclear weapon in order to deter an American attack."
I think Lil' Kim wants to be buried in radioactive rubble. The problem is how to take down the North Korean government without hurting any civilians. Considering the risk, I'd say that we should just drop one H-bomb on Pyongyang. Then open the gates to South Korea.
I haven't felt concerned about nuclear war in decades. Fat Lil' Kim keeps screaming nuclear war at us. Let's give it to him.
"PHILADELPHIA — An emotional Sen. John McCain on Monday leveled a blistering attack
on what he called the "half-baked, spurious nationalism" that seems to
have inspired President Trump's administration to retreat from the world
"In a speech to accept the
National Constitution Center's Liberty Medal, McCain, R-Ariz.,
emphasized that the United States is 'a land made of ideals, not blood
and soil,' a rebuke to the Nazi slogan about bloodlines and territory
chanted in August by White supremacists demonstrating in
"An at-times raspy-sounding McCain drew applause and cheers at the Philadelphia event when he said:
fear the world we have organized and led for three-quarters of a
century, to abandon the ideals we have advanced around the globe, to
refuse the obligations of international leadership and our duty to
remain 'the last, best hope of earth' for the sake of some half-baked,
spurious nationalism cooked up by people who would rather find
scapegoats than solve problems is as unpatriotic as an attachment to any
other tired dogma of the past that Americans consigned to the ash heap
the Senate Armed Services Committee chairman who is battling an
aggressive form of brain cancer, did not mention the name of Trump, with
whom he has publicly feuded on and off for more than two years."
"John Antaramian is Kenosha’s current and longest-serving
mayor. He was first elected in 1992, serving four consecutive terms
before stepping down in 2008. Eight years later, he ran again, winning
in a landslide and resuming the role in the spring of 2016. Antaramian’s
return comes at a time of rapid growth and rich potential for the city,
and he has many plans for how to make the most of it. 'There are so
many opportunities right now,' he says. 'I was excited to come back.'
"Kenosha County has attracted a lot of industry in recent years, and
Antaramian says there’s a lot more coming. The arrival of companies like
Amazon—which opened its enormous 'Fulfillment Center' in 2015—have
helped lower the unemployment rate and make the county one of the top
areas in the U.S. for job growth. As mayor, Antaramian is encouraging
these developments and paving the way for more. One of the top
priorities of his new term has been negotiating a boundary agreement
with the neighboring village of Somers and town of Paris that will allow
the city to incorporate 3,300 acres of land west of Interstate 94. 'That’s what we’re classifying as our growth corridor,' Antaramian
explains. 'Our ability to grow is a major issue for us.' "Also on the mayor’s list of priorities is cleaning up the former
Chrysler Engine Plant and building a research facility in its place;
investing in housing and attractions in downtown Kenosha (like the
historic Heritage House Inn, which is being transformed into a boutique
hotel); and revitalizing the older neighborhoods with updated
infrastructure. 'I’m a big believer that the strength of the older
neighborhoods is what propels the city in the long term,' he says."
The drug 'resets' the brain circuits to immediately improve moods
Andrew Griffin @_andrew_griffin "Eating magic mushrooms can help treat depression. "That's according to a new study that found that the drug psilocybin,
found in mushrooms, can 'reset' the brain's circuits and help ease
symptoms. "Scientists got special permission to give the mushrooms to 19 people
who had not been helped by traditional treatments. They said their mood
was lifted immediately, and that in some cases the effect would last as
long as five weeks. "Brain scans showed that the neural circuits in the brain had been
reset, pushing them out of their depressive states, the scientists
found. "Dr Robin Carhart-Harris, head of psychedelic research at Imperial
College London, said: 'We have shown for the first time clear changes in
brain activity in depressed people treated with psilocybin after
failing to respond to conventional treatments. "'Several of our patients described feeling "reset" after the
treatment and often used computer analogies. For example, one said he
felt like his brain had been "defragged" like a computer hard drive, and
another said he felt "rebooted".' "The drug may be giving the patients the 'kick start' they need to break out of their depressive states, he said. "Similar brain effects have been seen in patients undergoing
electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), a controversial treatment that triggers
temporary seizures with electric shocks. "Magic mushrooms containing psilocybin and its derivative psilocin can
cause hallucinations, changes in perception and an altered sense of
time. "Both chemicals are classified as illegal Class A drugs in the UK, as are the mushrooms themselves.
"In the study, reported in the journal Scientific Reports, patients
with treatment-resistant depression were given a 10mg and 25mg doses of
psilocybin seven days apart. "Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scans showed reduced
activity in certain parts of the brain after taking the drug. They
included the amygdala, a small almond-shaped region known to be involved
in processing emotional responses, stress and fear. "Psilocybin also induced increased stability in another brain network previously linked to depression. "The scientists warned that despite the encouraging results people
with depression should not attempt to self-medicate with psychoactive
drugs. "They pointed out that the study provided a special therapeutic
setting for the 'drug experience' to protect participants from
potentially harmful effects. "A new trial from the team set to start early next year will test
psilocybin against a leading antidepressant in a group of patients. "Professor David Nutt, director of the neuropsychopharmacology unit at
Imperial, said: 'Larger studies are needed to see if this positive
effect can be reproduced in more patients. But these initial findings
are exciting and provide another treatment avenue to explore.' "The scientists obtained a special licence from the Home Office to conduct the research. "Additional reporting by Press Association" From: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/magic-mushrooms-depression-study-psilocybin-brain-neural-circuits-symptoms-a7998166.html
I assume that these results will be ignored by the mainstream medical field. There is a massive prejudice toward anything that could be classified as a "street drug." Just think of all the people this could help (like me). Did you notice that they had to get a license to experiment with the drug? You have to do the same thing in the USA. However, no licenses are available. It's Catch-22
How can something be declared illegal if it grows naturally? It's like declaring hurricanes illegal. Native Americans used these plants for thousands of years to treat various maladies. Studies are not being done in the USA because the government won't hand out any permits to do the studies. They know what the outcome would be.
Nelly Zoller died from a gunshot wound while trying to get candy from her grandmother's purse.
"A 4-year-old girl in Florida died after reaching into her grandmother's
purse for candy and accidentally pulling the trigger of a gun. "Yanelly (Nelly) Zoller passed away from a gunshot wound earlier this month at the Tampa home of her grandparents. "'She just wanted some damn candy,' father Shane Zoller told the Tampa Bay Times on Wednesday. "Nelly was 'attached to her nana's hip' and loved staying at her grandparents' house, Shane Zoller told the newspaper.
"'I was driving to pick her up with her bathing suit in my car to take
her to the splash pads,' he told the newspaper. 'When I pulled up,
that's when I saw all the police lights.' "Shane Zoller, who is 22, says he was in high school when he became a
dad, and he would have had to quit school if not for his parents' help.
Zoller shared custody with Nelly's mother. "Little Nelly loved playing with her puppy, watching cartoons and jumping on her couch, according to the newspaper. "Tampa police are looking into the shooting, but have no reason to doubt the family's account, according to the Tampa Bay Times.
Good morning to everyone I hope your day is going better then mine right now. I took Drew to work then went out to Whitewater to get my daughter this morning. Yes a very early start to my day. Here are your questions!
1) Do you believe in superstitions?
2) Do you believe in things can go bad on Friday the 13th?
3) Do you believe about the black cat that crosses in front of you?
Hello, my hot dogs and cool cats! How are you? I've seen better days, but at least I'm still upright (most of the time). What a crappy day, weather-wise. At least there isn't any of the s-word, yet. It will get here, sooner or later. I wonder if Wisconsin has ever had a winter without the s-word? We had an extremely nice summer and fall isn't turning out too bad. Maybe we'll have a mild winter. One can only hope and pray. Wisconsin weather has a way of lulling us into complacency, and then, WHAM, you've got 8 inches of s-word to deal with. No matter what, we'll see little of the sun until next spring. I hate the endless gray skies. Oh hell, I hate winter. What am I doing in Wisconsin? Why aren't I in Florida? I'm sure they have as much a need of psychics as Wisconsin has. Hmm. I'd have to sell my house. It might be worth it to avoid the s-word, but they have tropical storms and hurricanes in Florida. No matter where you go, there's a price to be paid.
Aaron Rodgers is on a roll. Let's hope that helps our glorious Green Bay Packers when they travel to the Minnesota Vikings' turf this Sunday at 1:00 pm. The Packers have a 4-1 record so far. Let's not talk Super Bowl just yet. I think that queers our chances anyway.
Here are the Irregular Football League's standings:
That darn Half-Astrophysicist has a perfect record. At least Mr. OrbsCorbs is in the basement where he belongs. And I'm still number two. What's a girl going to do?
I feel that I must make note of the madness in Las Vegas. I now expect about one mass murder a week. This is on top of all the other crimes committed by the populace. We've gone crazy! I think that each mass murder may encourage another one. You don't need a gun. Just hop into your car and plow into the largest group of people that you can find. No car? No worries. Just car-jack one. Be sure to get something big in order to maximize your impression upon the innocents.
God, I felt sick as I watched events unfold in Las Vegas. Another insane dodo bird decided to unload on innocent people enjoying an outdoor concert. He planned it for days. Can a person "snap" and then continue to act "normal" for days before going off the deep end? I really don't understand the psychology of mass murderers. I wonder if they could articulate it any better. I fear not, so our country is going to suffer attack after attack until someone figures this out.
I also note, with great sadness, the passing of Tom Petty. It seems like he was always there and now it's too weird without him. I especially admire his songwriting skills. He knew how to pen a hook. I never saw him in concert, but I don't remember him ever coming to a nearby venue. God bless, Tom. You guys must be having a hell of a Traveling Wilbury concert up there.
As for Foxconn: Fuck That Shit. The politicians are wetting their pants over this. I hope they drown in their own urine.
Thank you for reading my blog this week. I love putting these together once a week. I hope you enjoy reading them. If nothing else, they keep us out of trouble for fifteen minutes or so every week.
Enjoy what you can of the nasty weather. It's our introduction to the 2017-18 winter. I bet if lying John were still mayor, he would do something about the weather. How can you miss a criminal so much? He was always sticking his foot in his mouth, or his ear, or his nose, or whatever. We miss you, lying John. You had a huge target painted on your back and it was always fun to take a shot.
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"In Mount Pleasant, a proposed flat-screen
plant could trigger explosive growth, adding $1.4 billion of tax base
to a village in which all the properties added up to just $2.5 billion
"The village and Racine County could win outsized rewards by investing $764 million to help Foxconn Technology Group of Taiwan turn farm fields into one of the world's largest manufacturing campuses.
the complex project also brings revolution and risk, as local
governments borrow for and build everything from sidewalks to sewers,
streets and fiber optic cable lines.
agreement with Foxconn provides an unusual series of safeguards against
failure — from guaranteed property tax payments by the company to a big
financial cushion, land held as collateral by taxpayers and triggers to
block incentives for Foxconn if the deal is going badly.
more protected from loss than any (such deal) that I've seen,' said
Dale Knapp, a research director for the Wisconsin Taxpayers Alliance who
reviewed the 39-page plan."
"DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) — AAA Michigan says gas prices statewide have fallen by about 10 cents per gallon in the past week.
"The Dearborn-based auto club says late Sunday the average price for
self-serve regular unleaded gasoline was about $2.40 per gallon. That’s
about 5 cents more than at the same point last year.
lowest average price was about $2.30 per gallon in the Bay City,
Midland and Saginaw areas. The highest was about $2.54 per gallon in the
Marquette area. It’s the fourth week in a row that the Marquette area
had the highest average price.
"The Detroit-area’s average fell about 6 cents to $2.42 per gallon.
After fighting for two weeks to get a prescription filled that I used to take regularly, and still not getting it, I'm beginning to have some thoughts . . . Why do they lie and say I have no appointment scheduled? When I tell then the exact time of my appointment, they say I haven,'t seen this healthcare provider before. When I give them that time and date, they say it's "someone else's" fault. Who? God only knows.
When I was a kid and someone screwed up, that person was sought out in order to prevent future screw-ups. We no longer do that. There are a million things now that are "nobody's" fault. Dysfunction reigns supreme while daily life becomes more and more of a chore. If you don't like it, too bad. It's the wave of the future.
Lisa Neff and Louis Weisberg, Staff writersUpdated
He deserves a break
Filming a documentary for ESPN’s 30 for 30,
WWE star “Nature Boy” Ric Flair said he’s slept with around 10,000
women. He’s also confessed to consuming about 20 alcoholic beverages per
day during his wrestling career. And he’s been struck by lightning. But
after four divorces, the 68-year-old says he’s changed his ways and
become a “one-woman guy” since meeting his fiancée Wendy Barlow.
No longer matters
The Chicago home that was used for the exterior shots of the popular ’90s sitcom Family Matters will be demolished to make way for a three-unit residence in the city’s posh Lincoln Park neighborhood.
‘Mad Pooper’ on the runs
in Colorado are looking for a jogger they say is interrupting her runs
to defecate in public. Cathy Budde says she was first alerted to the
woman — whom she’s dubbed “the Mad Pooper” — by her children, who caught
the jogger in the act. Even after apologizing to Budde, the runner has
left something behind at least once a week for seven weeks. Police have
asked Budde to take pictures of the woman so they can try to identify
her.. And the makers of Charmin recently announced that if the Mad
Pooper would turn herself in, they’d give her a year’s supply of TP —
for use at home.
With friends like this …
U.S. Rep. Louie
Gohmert, R-Texas, wanted U.S. Sen. John McCain to be recalled while
undergoing treatment for brain cancer so Republicans could replace him
with someone who supported the party’s most recent failed effort to
repeal and replace Obamacare. The sympathetic Gohmert went on to say
that he was concerned about McCain’s health. “Stress is a real inhibitor
to getting over cancer,” Gohmert told Fox & Friends. “I
think Arizona could help him, and us. Recall him, let him fight
successfully this terrible cancer, and let’s get someone in here who
will keep the word he gave last year.”
Trust in artificial intelligence
recent survey finds millennial parents of Generation Alpha kids less
nervous about their kids riding alone in self-driving cars than their
kids driving alone. They also say if their kids want a robot pet, they
would be likely to get one instead of a real pet. And, about 63 percent
say they’d rather have artificial intelligence help them live
independently than rely on their kids in their golden years. The survey
results come from IEEE, an international technical professional
Among the hoax stories
circulating in late September was a report from Breaking News 365 that
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups would be discontinued in October, just before
Halloween. Not true, says Hershey’s, which makes the sweet and salty
treat. A company statement said, “The only people removing Reese’s
products from shelves are consumers, who are taking them home to eat.”
CEO of the homebuilding company KB Home, Jeffrey Mezger might be one of
the most powerful people in real estate. But that doesn’t give him
license to hurl out-of-control slurs and threats of gay bashing at his
neighbors. The board of his company slashed his bonus by 25 percent
after he went on a rough, anti-gay tirade against his neighbor Kathy
Griffin after she and her partner reported a noise disturbance coming
from his home. The scene was captured on a security camera. Next time,
the board warned, he’s out.
Living Essential Oils must pay a $500,000 fine, $135,000 in
restitution, and make a $125,000 community service grant for the
conservation of protected species of plants used in its essential oils.
The Utah-based company was sentenced for Lacey Act and Endangered
Species Act violations.
Ig Nobel discoveries
University recently hosted the 27th annual Ig Nobel awards for absurd
scientific achievement. James Heathcoat won the anatomy prize for his
research on why old men have big ears. The biology prize went to a team
from Japan, Brazil and Switzerland for their discovery of a female penis
and male vagina in a cave insect. A team of French researchers won the
medicine prize for using brain-scanning technology to measure aversions
to cheese. Researchers from Italy, Spain and the United Kingdom won the
cognition prize for demonstrating that many identical twins visually
cannot tell themselves apart. The winners received “$10 trillion cash
prizes in virtually worthless Zimbabwean money.”
Selecting a name
in Brookline, Massachusetts, are expected to decide in November whether
to rename the town’s governing board — from the “board of selectmen” to
the “board of selectwomen.” Selectwomen would apply, regardless of the
gender of the board members, say advocates of the change. A second
option would be to change the name to the board of selectpeople.
Hello how is everyone doing on the nice cold wet morning. I know one thing I would rather have the wet rain then the nasty snow. I hope everyone has been enjoying the nice weather we been having. Here are your questions for this week.
1) Have you ever made gifts for your friends and family?
2) What kind of gifts have you made for them?
3) Have you ever bought gifts for your friends and family from garage sales?
4) Have you ever bought gifts for your friends and family from thrift stores?
Lee Bergquist, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Published 4:41 p.m. CT Oct. 4, 2017 | Updated 3:07 p.m. CT Oct. 5, 2017
STURTEVANT - Foxconn Technology Group
identified the site for a massive electronics plant in Racine County on
Wednesday but provided few other details, prompting environmental groups
to continue to raise questions about the impact a 20
million-square-foot facility might pose on natural resources.
groups said they will monitor how the Taiwan-based company’s sprawling
plant will conform with the regulation of Great Lakes water; the amount
of pollution the plant will discharge; and the impact on wetlands at a
site in the Village of Mount Pleasant.
is targeted for the far southwest corner of the village on nearly 1,200
acres, bounded largely by I-94 on the west, Highway KR on the south,
Highway H on the east and Braun Road on the north.
County officials also disclosed on Wednesday that Foxconn plans to
acquire more than twice that acreage for future development, creating a
far larger footprint over time.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. How are you? I hope that you're feeling well. I'm feeling OK. The weather continues to be delightful. Soon, though, will come the bite of winter. Take it one day at a time, and everything will be fine.
The Packers just keep beating every other team. This Sunday they start at 4: 30 pm. at Dallas. Make them cry, boys.
Here's the standings from the Irregular Football League:
Things don't seem to move much on that board.
Now, about the Las Vegas mass murders, it's difficult for me to even gather my thoughts What makes someone act out like that? He planned the attack. He was the Angel of Death, randomly firing into the crowd below. It was some sort of automatic weapon or a semi-automatic made to fire fast. He killed so many and injured a catastrophic number. So now life has changed for many, many people.
What the hell is the matter with these bloodsuckers? They suddenly jump out at you and attempt to attach themselves to you. Nice work if you can get it.
I'm sure that you heard about Tom Petty. He was the same age as Mr. OrbsCorbs. Que spooky music. Let's dance my last dance Everybody jump up and down for a minute. There you go. This dance will sweep the nation.
Get out and enjoy this weather. Soon enough, we'll see the s-word. No, no, no.
_______________________________ Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at email@example.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order. Thank you.
"Over the summer, representatives of Pitts Brothers
& Associates, a Kenosha-based real estate firm, began approaching
property owners in that slice of southwestern Mount Pleasant, seeking
options to buy their land. Some owners signed up quickly, while others
"Now, it appears the brokers have put
together a critical mass of property, paving the way for Wednesday's
"Still unknown is just how much land will be dedicated to Foxconn, and possibly for supplier plants that could locate nearby.
bloc where Pitts Brothers has sought options contains more than 2,000
acres bounded by Highway 11 on the north, I-94 on the west, Highway KR
on the south, and Highway H on the east. A two-lane road, Braun Road,
divides the bloc into roughly equal sections of a little more than 1,000
acres each. The northern section includes about 80 acres in Sturtevant.
recent weeks, the area has seen a flurry of pre-construction activity —
helicopters and drones conducting aerial surveys, drills boring into
the soil for samples at multiple points, and crews flagging wetlands.
last week, workers from Nielsen Madsen + Barber, a civil engineering
and surveying firm in Racine, spent two days identifying wetlands on one
property, a landowner said. After that, he said, a crew from the state
Department of Natural Resources came to check the surveying company's
Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen,
just got the news that the great Tom Petty is now learning to fly with
angel wings at the same exact age as a certain gab-about who more than
likely shows up on this back page of the Shepherd. I better sit back and relax, what the fock.
But first, I need to get ahold of O.J. now that he’s sprung from the
hoosegow so’s that maybe he can help me find the Milwaukee lion that no
one has discovered yet. I’ve heard he’s supposed to be good at that kind
of thing, I kid you not.
And speaking of discovery, I found out that Columbus Day falls on
Monday, Oct. 9 this year. Cripes, that day always gets moved around like
it’s an Easter Sunday or something. I do enjoy the day, however, for
the simple fact that I cannot receive any goddamn overdue bills in the
mail, which then forces me to piss away a lot of time concocting the
excuses for why I still can’t come up with the dough.
I also recently discovered that sanity in a state government is still possible in this day and rage. This, from Salon:
“…the Republican governor of Illinois, Bruce Rauner, just made a
startling move in bucking the religious right. Thursday, Rauner signed a
law written by Democratic legislators that allows the state’s insurance
programs, including Medicaid, to cover abortion. It also ended the
state’s ‘trigger law,’ which would have banned abortion if Roe v. Wade
were ever overturned by the Supreme Court.”
Praise be. This kind of reminds me of a plank of my speech that I was
ready to deliver at the 2016 Democratic National Convention in
Phila-focking-delphia except I wasn’t invited. My speech was to go
something like this:
“About this right-to-life argument that goes: ‘How can we do the
condoning of abortion? Block the pregnancy from going the whole nine
yards, and how do you know you aren’t denying the world the next Albert
Einstein, the next Duke Snider, the next Clarence Birdseye?’ To that I
say, what the fock. For argument’s sake, with the abortion, how do you
know we’re not sparing the world the next Ivan the Terrible, the next
Charlie focking Manson, the next Ryan Seacrest?
“And another thing everybody’s yelling about is the pinpoint time of
when life gets out of the gates. Is it one month pregnant or three?
After six weeks or two, or right off the bat at the conception
reception? Just where the heck’s this line of the marcation anyways,
“To argue right-to-life, you’d have to say ‘life’ begins even before
the inception of the act of the womb inflation. It begins soon’s you get
the nerve up at the cocktail lounge and say, ‘Howdy, good-looking, you
come here often or would you rather come over by my place?’ If this
member of a sex suggests a long walk off a short gangplank, I’d say we’d
have a right-to-life violation.
“And think of the ramification of a right-to-life law here in our
land of liberty. Any focking thing that would interfere or otherwise
kibosh the mating ordeal of bodies together that would climax with life
creation would be against that law. The word ‘no’ would be
unlawful. There could be no more bar-time closings (in every cloud…). No
contraceptives of any kind, including cold showers. Headaches—outlawed.
“Cripes, I can hear lawyers drooling even as I speak. A right-to-life
law would increase their already legendary right-to-lucre. There’d have
to be a courthouse on every block. Not doing the mating when called
upon would be, judicially, murder; and murderers are capitally punished
to death. Are you going to want to fry in the chair just for being too
focking tired? I think not. Every man, woman and child who turned down
the hootchie-cootchie would be cruising death row, and what kind of
right-to-life would that be?
“Each and every one of us Americans would end up executed at some
point in time. There’d be none of us left, and that’s just the kind of
opening the world’s remaining Commies are looking for to march right in
and set up their Red-herring shop here from sea to shining sea.
“In conclusion, about this pro-choice vs. no-choice: We got a focking
law in this land to cover that subject. The law says something sort of
like a ‘lady’s right to control the destiny of her own focking body,
hey, focking A-OK.’ And that’s still backed up by the Supreme Court, as
in the United States Supreme Court, Jack.
“So if these focking Bible-belting bozos and their ilk got a bug up
their beatific butts about that, they’re welcome to leave the Amber
Waves and go live in some focking country of women-hating religious nuts
who put the woman on par with the dirt de la chattel of no-rights—and
they’ll have a hundred-times more choice than they’re willing to allow
their own fellow citizens. What the fock, I’ll even make travel
arrangements courtesy of President Art Kumbalek, ’cause I’m, Art
Kumbalek and I told you so.”
Every Wednesday, Madame Zoltar responds to your queries and comments in her blog, Dear Madame Zoltar. Are the stars in your favor? What to do with that 401K? Find out by sending your questions and thoughts to: firstname.lastname@example.org
"The famed Bald Eagles from Decorah, Iowa are back on their nest and ready to start a new family! World famous and live streamed via the internet by the Raptor Resource Center, anyone can view the parents raise their eaglets from egg to fledglings from the comfort of their homes. Using infrared cameras and microphones, the eagles can be seen around the clock during the nesting season, which starts in January or February and runs till June."
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