Thursday, April 22, 2021

StratCom Says You’re Probably Going to Get Nuked


Bizarrely, US Strategic Command (STRATCOM) has posted a tweet warning people that they’re probably going to get nuked.

The government agency, which operates under the Department of Defense, said that the global situation is “unpredictable,” and that “we must account for the possibility of conflict leading to conditions which could very rapidly drive an adversary to consider nuclear use as their least bad option.”

Use of the term “least bad option” seems somewhat ridiculous, and implies that the tweet was written by a millennial. I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks that the concept of millennials running the Department of Defense is a lot scarier than the threat of nuclear war.

But yes: apparently, we are going back to a Cold War type norm, where people are living in a constant state of fear of being nuked.

It is also not untrue that both Russia and China – two countries which the Administration of Joe Biden has been actively agitating and attempting to provoke into war – have nuclear weapons aimed at US cities.

The number one thing that everyone needs to remember is that if you hear a nuclear weapon coming for your city, you need to hide under the desk.

The desk will absorb the bulk of the nuclear impact, and you will be able to dance away unscathed, having outsmarted these communists who tried to take your freedom.

As far as whether or not it is worth risking getting nuked in order to protect anal sex in Taiwan – well, I guess it depends on how much you care about anal sex in Taiwan. That’s a decision everyone has to make.

Actually no, no one has to make that decision, because the US Government already decided that protecting anal sex in Taiwan, as well as Ukrainian territorial sovereignty, is something that is worth risking tens or hundreds of millions of Americans dying in nuclear fire.


No comments: