Saturday, January 16, 2010

Grandparents

Grandparents.....

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye...

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3.. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in.. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these, yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,
we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in..
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her
grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic:"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means
carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

JTI Statistics, January 2010

I am always amazed with what is available on the internet. Anything you think of, you can pretty much do a search and voilĂ , there it is. No more reinventing the wheel. Once again, I have found a new plaything --It is an interactive graph that will show you unique pageloads:



(click the chart to get the coolio interactive cursor with numbers.... oooohh)

As you can see, many of us became busy and distracted around the holidays. The unique visitors to the JTI diminished. This trend occurred last holiday season as well. I am happy to report that with Lizardmom's prompting and challenges, and with more dull, dreary, (yes) cold-ass winter days, we have started to increase the number of blogs; hence, the number of visitors has begun to recover.

I'm sad to say that our net worth has dropped due to inactivity.... We are unofficially down $214.66 if we were to sell. I am still looking for someone to pony up that $16,000.oo and I'm outta here!

We hit another milestone number. We surpassed the 250,000th pageload since last months report. As I type, we are currently at 254,572. It amazes me, and totally freaks me out at the same time.

I'll spare the graphs this time, sorry orbs, no pie. Visit length remains about the same. People who land here by an accidental search continue to stick around, clicking on blogs and reading additional material.


Our returning visits show a slight decrease this month. With more posts, I'm sure that will quickly turn around again. We've been kind of lazy at posting; time to step that up... Where has logjam's odd news stories gone? I miss the Florida bashing and the stupid criminal stories.

I'd like to, once again, thank those who visit the site on a regular, if not daily, basis. I'd also like to encourage those who read, but do not comment, to add some variety to this site and speak your mind or throw in a comment or two. Our statistics show you are there and we would like to hear your thoughts too.

Happy reading and happy blogging, JTIrregulars. Onward we forge into 2010!!!

New Year's Resolutions Gone Awry

Over in Sweeden we get a report that a floor collapsed at a Weight Watchers meeting while about 20 people were waiting for their weigh ins. Should have figured out the carrying capacity of the floor and weighed in before standing together for the group photo.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Happy Birthday to Why Not's Daughter

Why Not's? daughter 1st Brithday. Grattis Maia Lynn.

Hobbies

A hobby is supposed to be relaxing. It calms us and fills our dead time. I have a hobby that frustrates the crap out of me. I'm into CNC machines. Computer controlled metal mills and wood routers. At the moment I'm taking a break. There are put-the-hammer-down moments and a balky computer is begging for a new life. I'll get er done somehow though. Heh, CNC as a hobby. You spend a LOT of time learning and doing research. Anyone can program them. It's babbling easy to do. My Hobby takes me so much further though.

Thu motors are special and their name is "stepper motor." They don't spin when you power them up. Nope there are 200 magnetic poles that act as detents and the motor spins by progressively energizing four electromagnetic fields. This pulsed turn method (200 pulses a revolution) of motion make them ideal for open loop control of machines. In order to make them move they need a small fist-full of electronic components and knowledge how to put them together. Thank goodness there are Hobby stores that sell the things completed already.

I'm finishing up my first built from the ground up CNC wood router. It's called a JGRO and Youtube has tons of examples if you're curious what they look like. On top of learning G-code, electronics (and how to solder little things into little spaces) you get to also learn how to be mechanical. Then there is learning to be a woodworker too. Gosh,I'm just full of fun. LOL

I'm close on to bringing the router to life. Just having a problem loading a Linux operating system to an old Dell. I ran into a GRUB error so switching out the hard drive. Did I mention building and trouble shooting computers on the list? Anyhow, I finished the control box electrics and electronics, and have the motors mounted and hooked up. I'll spare this hard-drive's life, but it is getting sent to the corner.

I think I'll explain someday why I'm bald and other things.

Sci-Fi is now

MMMmmmmm Mmmmmm, Vat grown meat. Slaughter houses will be a thing of the past. I knew this day was coming. All I need to do is stay alive twenty more years and they will have old age licked. A gene transfusion to fix my ailment, and tooth buds we grow as needed. The only problem is we're all still savages. We aren't ready as social; animals for the new age. Heinlein had the world I dreamed of.down to a tee. Don't be bothered by what goes on next door unless the participants are unwilling. Lynch infractions of social etiquette. No excuse for a line cutter, lynch em on the spot. Oh yeah, vat grown meat is right around the corner.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100115/ap_on_he_me/eu_med_petri_pork

I CAN'T DRIVE 55

A d come midnight I'll be that old. As a kid my parents had three life insurance policies on me. They were sure I wouldn't make it to 16. I didn't think I'd make it to 45. Now here I am burying friends before me. Last year i changed my Birthday date. People change their names, why can't I change the date. I picked June 22, 1955. I don't mind being old, I just hate a birthday in the middle of winter right after Xmas. People are broke and no one has bucks for gifts. "Here Huck, it's a shirt I got at Value Village." Yep story of my life, I get no respect.

June 22 is the day after summer solstice. It is the second longest daylight day there is. It's warm, and there is a good reason to drink beer. This year, plnn9ng a big picnic at one of the parks. heck, might even spring for a roasted Pig. Sure can't do that in Winter. Bah humbug.

Earthquakes Near Oklahoma City

Mary, O'Mary, where are you????

According to news sites, there have been three decent sized earthquakes in Oklahoma City over the past couple days, two of which occurred this morning. The largest measured 4.0, closely followed by a 3.8.

While not huge, compared to some that occur in California, or the recent major, 7.0 quake that Haiti just endured, these are nothing to joke about. Buildings this far east were never built to endure being shaken.

From what I have learned, when a quake hits the Midwest, the ground underneath is much more solid (rock) and the jolt seems to be felt more severely in comparison to the level recorded and is felt over a greater distance from the epicenter.


A few years back, Racine had a small earthquake that went by fairly unnoticed. I remember waking up, thinking a strong gust of wind hit the house. I got up, looked outside and noticed there was no wind. I thought it was a dream... until I heard about it in the news.

Here is a news report on the Oklahoma quakes:


http://primewriter.com/news-1246-headlines/?p=2667

and the official report:
USGS

Re-Elect Nobody!


The people in political offices throughout the USA just do not get it. They are supposed to represent us, not the special interests that buy their votes. I don't care what political affiliation, 99.9% of them have an agenda that has nothing to do with what their constituents want. I'm voting against every incumbent in every upcoming election. They will not understand, nor will their successors heed us, until we THROW THE BUMS OUT!

[This has been an unpaid political advertisement. Re-Elect Nobody Racine, OrbsCorbs treasurer; send lawyers, guns and money in care of JTIrregulars.com. Alderman Jeff Coe excluded from this blog because he's a good guy.]

Friday Morning Grin...

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa .
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe .
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece ,gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.

THE END

Four for Fridays

Hello everybody! This week's Four for Fridays goes to the silver screen!

1) What's your favorite movie?

2) Who's your favorite actor?

3) Who's your favorite actress?

4) Who's your favorite director?

Enjoy your weekend folks!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Baby Got Beat

You have probably heard about people playing Mozart or talking to babies while still in the womb to try and give them a head start. The big problem of course is that by the time the sound passes through to the baby, everything sounds like the adults from a Peanuts television special.

The problem has finally been solved with the Ritmo Advanced Sound System (and yes, it appears to be a real product in spite of my initial skepticism that this had to be a joke or a story from the Onion, as it is available for purchase on Amazon.) Pregnant women can now wear speakers right on their body and pump their favorite iPod mix right into their baby, starting hearing damage months earlier than was previously possible.

Another case of just because you can do something does not necessarily mean you should do it!

Conan O'Brien's Voice Mail

I have been traveling a lot...today is my first day in the office this year. Will get back to a regular posting schedule as soon as I get caught up.

In the meantime, I leave you Jeff Zucker's voicemails for Conan O'Brien.

Pat Robertson Blames Haitian Earthquake on "Pact with the Devil"



The White House has characterized Mr. Robertson's remarks as "utterly stupid." http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5i-cje4nq_47RoAKHYlcJRkRXgQvg

Signs of the Times








All artwork is property of Randy Glasbergen

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Testing Bullet Proof Glass In 1952

How much do you trust your husband???



Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my wild strawberries! How are you? We’re supposed to experience temperatures above freezing for the next few days. Won’t that be nice? Be sure to watch your step and wear your galoshes. A thin layer of water on ice makes it that much more slippery. I find it dreadful to have to maneuver about at this time of year. Just walking down the sidewalk can be treacherous. I am so grateful for those people who shovel their walks and driveways. Thank you for all that hard work. Salt sparingly, my friends, and don’t expect salt to melt the last three snows which haven’t been cleared.

I have been dreading this part of my blog, the part where I root on our magnificent and salient Packers. The game this past Sunday could not have been more heartbreaking. As the resplendent Packers fought back from staggering early setbacks, my chest filled with pride. The fourth quarter saw point for point battles. And then, in the final seconds, it appeared that all was lost as the Cardinals’ kicker, Mr. Rackers, approached for an easy field goal. At that exact moment, my loyalty to our beloved team overtook any sense of responsibility and I placed the Curse of Kronos on Mr. Rackers just as he kicked the ball. Of course, it shanked wide of the uprights. The Packers then had possession of the ball, with just a few seconds on the clock. I expected a Hail Mary play from our offense, which I would ably assist, and clinch the game. But no, after the snap, both sides knelt for the clock to run out and go into sudden death overtime. Why? Why would we give up possession of the ball for the toss of a coin? We had the ball, we had time to snap it and make a play. Why didn’t we? What would we have risked that we didn’t risk by going into overtime? And we would have gone into overtime, anyway, if we didn’t score. I’m sorry, I was so flabbergasted by these events that I didn’t rightly understand what was happening. I got up to get some tea. When I came back, Mr. Rodgers was being stripped of the ball. I cried and cried. My poor, poor Packers. I am so sorry.

There were no Dear John letters or eviction notices in this week’s mail.

Dear Irregulars, you know I write this blog because I want to help others. If my insights and abilities can alleviate someone’s suffering or put a worried heart at ease, then I am glad to do it and expect no reward other than the customary, nominal fee. If nothing else, I strive to be uplifting and optimistic in my outlook. I desire what is good and right for everyone. I want my blog to influence your life positively. But, I must admit, that can be difficult to do in times like these. There seems to be little good news out there. And my predictions are not particularly rosy, either. Short of putting all of Racine under a spell (I’ve thought of it many times), I don’t know what I can do to brighten your day. So I resort to amusing videos in the hope that they might distract you momentarily from whatever unpleasant tasks you may need to perform. Like this one, entitled Christmas Tree Rocketry:



In another nod to the boys’ brand of humor, here’s The Human Firecracker [Caution: Language Advisory]:



I know, so puerile, yet the laughter is contagious. My son has done that more times than I can count. And he wasn’t even drunk.

Don’t forget to forward your mailing address to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Have a wonderful week, my dears. Enjoy whatever breaks in the weather that we get. I’m already counting down the days to March. Hyperion!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Old Bugs Bunny Movie

I ran into a website which has many old cartoons to watch, this is one of Bugs bunny.

Merrie Melodies: Falling Hare

Monday, January 11, 2010

Moaning Lisa



"Quit your whining and moaning, Lisa, I'm almost done....
Is that the only thing you want people to remember about you?"

Ipod heavy rotation

This song has been played alot over the last few days on my I-pod. Once again, thanks to 88.9 Radio Milwaukee for showcasing some new independent music. Please enjoy the Great Lake Swimmers (Cool name!) and She comes To Me In Dreams:


Monday afternoon grins.....

THE ITALIAN ELBOW . .

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

'You comma to de front door of the apartamenta. I am inna apartamenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301.

I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator issa ona the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.'

'Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

What . . .You coming empty handed?'

///////////////////////////////////////

>THE UNDERTAKER'S BLACK EYE

>Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I had a terrible day." replied Roy . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I went up and sure enough there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see" said his wife, "but how did you get the black eye?"

Roy replied: "Wrong room !."

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD!



Crap! I forgot what it was....

Banks Prepare for Big Bonuses, and Public Wrath

"Everyone on Wall Street is fixated on The Number.

"The bank bonus season, that annual rite of big money and bigger egos, begins in earnest this week, and it looks as if it will be one of the largest and most controversial blowouts the industry has ever seen.

"Bank executives are grappling with a question that exasperates, even infuriates, many recession-weary Americans: Just how big should their paydays be? Despite calls for restraint from Washington and a chafed public, resurgent banks are preparing to pay out bonuses that rival those of the boom years. The haul, in cash and stock, will run into many billions of dollars.

"Industry executives acknowledge that the numbers being tossed around — six-, seven- and even eight-figure sums for some chief executives and top producers — will probably stun the many Americans still hurting from the financial collapse and ensuing Great Recession."

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/business/10pay.html?scp=2&sq=bonuses&st=cse


Oink, oink, oink. Snort, snort, snort, soueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Introducing Ronald McDonald



I like this guy better.

Pencils

Sculptures are all made from pencils








Britain 'preparing to offload millions of unwanted swine flu vaccines'

"Ministers are preparing to offload millions of unwanted swine flu vaccines, it has emerged, as officials predicted that there will be no third wave of the pandemic this winter.

"Millions of pounds could be wasted if the Government is unable to get out of orders for the vaccine it has placed with GlaxoSmithKline (GSK), the pharmaceutical giant.

"Officials confirmed that they are considering a number of options, including attempting to sell or give away millions of the vaccines."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/swine-flu/6952793/Swine-flu-Ministers-preparing-to-offload-millions-of-unwanted-vaccines.html


How is it that with all the forms of communication available to us today, no one seems to know what's really going on?