iChill Redux, Redux

The iChill was handed out at the JT Irregulars Christmas Party last night and I snagged two bottles. They're tiny: 2 oz. each. "Blissful berry" is the flavor. After I got home from the get-together, I opened one up and sniffed it. It smelled like candy. I drank half of it and then paused to taste it. It tasted vaguely familiar, again, like some sort of candy, but not any particular fruit or berry. I didn't find it unpleasant, but I wouldn't buy a bottle of something just for that flavor. I finished it off.

I have to concur with the previous irregular reviewers that the iChill "relaxation shot" did nothing noticeable for me. After an hour, I forgot about it, and I stayed up as late as usual last night. However, I would like to point out to http://www.bigmethod.com/, and all other potential advertising agencies, that I would be much more likely to skew my review towards the favorable if I were given, say, a new vehicle or computer to review. Just saying . . .

I had a great time last night and want to thank Beejay for the delicious Honey Dews (is that what they're called? - my brain is shot), a cross of tangerine and grapefruit. I had one last night and it was yummy. Also, very juicy, so be forewarned, fellow irregulars.

Art Consultants in Racine: 2 Days = $12,500

"RACINE - A consultant's report on the city's fledgling artist relocation program in Uptown found that city officials need to learn more about the art market as they continue to try to attract artists to Racine.
...

"The city paid for Artspace's $12,500 consulting fee with federal block grant money allocated to Racine County Economic Development Corp.

"Consultants from the firm spent two days in the city in November meeting with groups and evaluating the city's artist relocation program."

http://www.journaltimes.com/news/local/article_c5d8ca66-0d38-11df-a1ad-001cc4c002e0.html


The article stresses that the consultants did not tell Racine to abandon the artist relocation program, just to "fine tune" it. And what consultant would ever tell you that you are throwing away money?

I am so fed up with these a-holes burning up public funds.

Party on, lying John!

A Convenient Ring Around the Moon...

Okay, I had my shot of the Moon and Mars all planned out, rising over the mountains. It was going to be beautiful. And then the clouds were there...

But sometimes the shot you get is not the one you expect. I got a craving for a Sonic chocolate malt around 9:30 and when I stepped outside, there were high, thin clouds but the Moon and Mars were poking through. Better yet, there was a ring around the Moon. Ran back inside, got the camera and tripod, positioned a spooky tree in the shot and...

As usual, click to embiggen. Mars is just to the left of the Moon. To the right and above is Procyon. Pollux is visible at the very top of the image (I cut off Castor). The little greenish splotch right below the Moon is a lens flare caused by internal reflections and scattering in the lens system. And of course there is the nice ring.

Rings such as this are formed by Moonlight interacting with ice crystals in the upper atmosphere. These ice crystals are shaped like hexagons.

So, not quite what I was expecting, but a pleasant surprise tonight.

Reprinted with permission from the Half-Astrophysicist Blog.

Friday Afternoon Grin

I was at the store yesterday, and I ran into Tarzan! I asked him how it was going and if he was into anymore movies.

He told me that he could no longer make anymore movies as he had severe arthritis in both shoulders and could no longer swing from vine to tree.

I asked how Jane was doing, he told me she was in bad shape, in a nursing home, has Alzheimer's and no longer recognizes anyone, how sad.

I asked about Boy, and he told me that Boy had gone to the big city, got hooked up with bad women, drugs, alcohol, and the only time he heard from him was if he was in trouble or needed something..

I asked about Cheeta,He beamed and said she was doing good, had married a Lawyer and now lived in the White House!!!

Can Anything Good Come out of this Cold Weather?

I only know of one thing, you can get a fairly cold glass of water right out of your kitchen faucet.

Friday Morning Grin...

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses.

Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group meets and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and has an elevator.

Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

We have a winner!

Once again, the people of the Irregular nation have spoken and their voice has been heard. Many deserved to be honored for their ineptitude this week, but one group rose above all. For conduct unbecoming, General Apathy, Major Boredom, Private Interests and in need of Corporal Punishment. For trying to do the will of the people without asking the people, and for not doing a damn thing to change the city, it's image, it's safety and it's economic condition, we hereby honor The Racine City Council

with the Stone Cold Steve Austin STFU flip the bird award. JTI 3:16 says we just flipped you off! Give me a Hell Yeah!

The Full Moon and Mars

Mars is just past opposition...it passed closest to Earth a couple of days ago. This happens once every couple of years. The distance between Earth and Mars hasn't changed much in the last few days, so it is still very well positioned for observing and nice and bright in the sky.

Friday night (January 29th) we have the added bonus of it being very near the full Moon. This positioning will make Mars very easy to pick out as it is the brightest thing in that part of the sky (other than the Moon, of course!) Here is a chart I made for 7pm as seen from Tucson.

Mars is bright enough you can see a reddish/orange tint to it, hence the name the Red Planet.

This full Moon is the largest of 2010. The Moon orbits the Earth in an ellipse, not a circle, so sometimes it is a bit closer to Earth and sometimes a bit farther away. The Moon is near its closest to Earth (called perigee) tonight so it will appear larger than average. The apparent size of the Moon is about 14% larger when it is at its closest point to Earth than when it is its furthest (called apogee).

So brave the cold my northern friends...for my southern friends, enjoy a pleasant evening of planet hunting!

Update: I made a small mistake...the Mars is at opposition tonight, January 29th. I was correct that its closest approach to Earth was a couple days ago on January 27th. Sometimes closest approach and opposition do not occur on the same day and that one bit me this time!

Reprinted with permission from the Half-Astrophysicist Blog.

Four for Fridays

Hello Everybody! This weeks' topic is on literature...

1) What are you reading now?

2) What's the last book you have read?

3) What is your favorite book or novel?

4) What do you often read?

Enjoy your weekend folks! See ya at the party!

Mathemagician

I just saw that mathmatician Arthur Benjamin is the guest on the Colbert Report tonight. Bejamin is one of those masters of doing mental math in his head faster than you can even punch it into a calculator. I have heard interviews with him before and he is very entertaining. Here is a good one from the O'Reilly Media Emerging Technology Conference in 2007. Give it a listen (for free!)

I'll post a link to the video here tomorrow when it becomes available.

Reprinted with permission from the Half-Astrophysicist Blog.

And here is the video...

You Decide...It's your money

Meet 'Giant George,' the 7ft-long blue Great Dane

"Standing at nearly 43 inches tall from paw to shoulder and weighing a staggering 245lbs could this be the world's new tallest dog?

"Pictured here in the parks of Tuscon, Arizona, George, a four-year-old blue great dane, looks more like a miniature horse than a dog."


Check out more amazing pictures and the rest of the story at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1237727/Is-Giant-George-worlds-tallest-dog-The-7ft-long-blue-great-dane-claim-title.html

MadTV Was Prophetic...

This aired on MadTV back in 2005...



You can listen to an interview with the sketch writers on All Tech Considered.

Speak your mind - Bird of the Week voting

Bird of the Week
	John Dickert
	Recycle Bin pushers
	Brett Favre
	The entire Racine City Council
	Jim Doyle
	The RUSD Board
pollcode.com free polls

Hand in Hand

"I got this via email.... story below (I don't know origin)

"In a Chinese modern dance competition on TV one very unique couple won one of the top prizes. The lady, in her 30's, was a dancer who had trained since she was a little girl... Later in life, she lost her entire left arm in an accident and fell into a state of depression for a few years.

"Someone then asked her to coach a Children's dancing group. From that point on, she realized that she could not forget dancing. She still loved to dance and wanted to dance again. So, she started to do some of her old routines, but, having lost her arm, she had also lost her balance.

"It took a while before she could even make simple turns and spins without falling. Then she heard of a man in his 20s who had lost a leg in an accident. He had also fallen into the usual denial, depression and anger type of emotional roller coaster. But, she was determined to find him and persuade him to dance with her. He had never danced, and to dance with one leg... are you joking with me? 'No way!'

"But, she didn't give up, and he reluctantly agreed thinking, 'I have nothing else to do anyway.' She started to teach him dancing. The two broke up a few times because he had no concept of using muscle, how to control his body, and knew none of the basic things about dancing. When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out.

"Eventually, they came back together and started training seriously. They hired a choreographer to design routines for them. She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm) flying in the air.

"He could bend horizontally supported by one leg with her leaning on him, etc. In the competition, as you will see, they dance beautifully and they legitimately won the competition. Really quite amazing!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlRNNb9IGI4


I also received that video and message in my email today, eight months after the above was posted on YouTube. Whatever is true, they're an extraordinary dancing couple.

Finally, it's been explained!

Sylvester and Tweetie

It's back!

After a holiday hiatus, it is time for the return of Bird of the Week. We are in full "State of..." season, and i know there must be something brewing in your craw's. Who cut your cheese. Who made your blood boil. Who makes you want to show them you think they are number one. Please leave your nomination and reason in the comments.

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my cream-filled Ho Hos! How are you? I’ve been enjoying the relatively warm weather we’ve been having. I had the car washed (no, I don’t astral project everywhere) and even raked up a few pieces of debris that appeared on the lawn where the snow melted. We’re supposed to start dropping back into the single digits, though, so our January thaw must be over. I’m still working on a potion or spell that I can cast on myself that will make me oblivious to winter. So far, a few shots of Jack with a beer back are the best I’ve come up with.

Well, I did what I could to make sure that Mr. Favre isn’t going to the Super Bowl this year – at least not as a player. That interception near the end of regulation had the mark of Zoltar® all over it. I almost wish that the Vikings had won the overtime coin toss so then maybe I would have had to hurt Mr. Favre, slightly, to prevent their win. In fact, I do wish it. Oh my. But, of course, my animosity towards Mr. Favre is strictly business and has nothing to do with his professional antics. Pay your debts, sir, and the shrinkage will stop. Pay them quickly and it might even reverse.

I just received an email from the delightful Ms. Mary concerning the weather in Oklahoma:

Hello My Dearest Madame Zoltar

I hope the stars are aligned in your favor on this lovely day (well here in OKC it is lovely). My request is this. On Thursday we are going to have our second major winter storm here. Although it is not supposed to be like the blizzard on Christmas Eve which brought us over 14 inches of snow, it is still going to be a bad one. When they put Winter Storm Watches out 4 days early, you just know it will be bd.

I am asking you to use your powers in helping us get snow instead of the sleet and ice that is predicted. All three are predicted but I really do hate ice storms as they cause such havoc. I (as always) am eternally grateful for anything you can do.

Your humble servant,
Mary

Dear Ms. Mary, I just checked some of your local weather forecasts, and, as you say, they are predicting a winter storm on Thursday with “100%” probability. It amazes me how often meteorologists are 100% wrong on their 100% probability predictions, yet they continue to issue them on a regular basis. If I was wrong on my predictions as often as they are, I would be out of business within weeks. And what really galls me is that all of them rely upon the National Weather Service, which is funded by taxpayers, for the majority of their inaccurate forecasts. I contacted the NWS once in an effort to offer some constructive criticism, one professional forecaster to another, but they replied with smug condescension, pooh-poohing my proposals. You have no idea of how tempted I was to curse them and their children’s children, but out of respect for Mother Nature (and a little fear, too), I held back. She seems to enjoy taunting the meteorologists, playing like a cat with mice, and I dasn’t interfere. But I digress…

Ms. Mary, I will be pleased to do what I can to help you in the avoidance of as much moisture as possible in the coming days, and in the preferred form of snow if it must occur. As I have stated in the past, I avoid confrontation with Mom Nature on weather-related requests and use a more indirect method of attempting to influence the spheres that contain us all. (Of course, tweaking the spheres has been known to cause the occasional freak January tornado &/or earthquake, but I’m sure we’ll be OK this time - I think.) The greatest help that others can contribute to this cause is simply positive thoughts. I have anecdotal evidence of numerous storm avoidances precipitated by positive mental energy. The more people that direct their thoughts to a positive meteorological outcome on a given day, the more likely it is to occur. And pay absolutely NO attention to the hysteria on the local news, Ms. Mary. Their job is not to inform, but to inflame. Yak yak yak. Ratings, and readers, and hits, oh my! Ratings, and readers, and hits, oh my!

In an effort to turn our attitudes and energies positive that we may better confront the realities of winter wherever we may be, I am posting a video of the late Israel "Iz" Ka’ano’i Kamakawiwo’ole doing his rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow:”



You just have to feel better after listening to that. It wouldn’t dare snow now.

In case it does, though, email your winter supply list to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Thank you for reading my blog this week my dear, dear dears. You are each so dear to me. Oh, dear me. I love sharing this time together with you. See you at the JTI Christmas Party. Onomatopoeia!

This is the Bailout We Were Looking For...

I don't know how I missed this...who rang the opening bell on December 22nd, 2009. The symbolism is strikingly appropriate.

LITTLE KNOWN TIDBIT OF NAVAL HISTORY...

The U. S. S. Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers).

However, let it be noted that according to her ship's log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."

Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."

Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.

Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.

On 18 November, she set sail for England . In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland . Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.

The U. S.. S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky, and 38,600 gallons of water.

GO NAVY!!!!

politicians sound the same every where

THE FRONT FELL OFF
On August 19th, 2007, an oil tanker off the coast of Australia split in two, dumping 20,000 tons of crude oil. Senator Collins, a member of the Australian Parliament, appeared on a TV news program to reassure the Australian public.This actual interview is so funny, you'd swear it was a Monty Python skit. But it's the real thing.

Do we have an attorney in the house?

Is it illegal to use public taxpayer money earmarked for the strict purpose to operate a school district, to open a for profit private health clinic that would limit access to it's employees only?

Lying John Dickert To Hire Another Liar

"RACINE - Officials think they need someone to help them work on the city's image. They're tapping 'Mr. Racine' to help in that effort.

"The city's Finance and Personnel Committee on Monday approved a 10-month, $25,000 contract with the Racine Area Manufacturers and Commerce, to provide public relations services.

"The man RAMAC has picked for the job is Mark Eickhorst, dubbed 'Mr. Racine' by RAMAC President Roger Caron. Eickhorst, a former alderman and local radio personality, has earned that title before for his work throughout the community. Eickhorst has worked with RAMAC in a variety of positions. His contract would start Feb. 1. It must be approved by City Council."

http://www.journaltimes.com/news/local/article_09916a6e-0a1f-11df-b04a-001cc4c002e0.html


After campaigning on the lie of no city administrator, Mayor John Dickert appointed his cousin to a $95,000 job as city administrator. After campaigning on the lie of a 10 year plan, Mayor John Dickert has no plan. After campaigning on the lie of jobs, Mayor John Dickert has provided no jobs, except for his cronies, paid for by taxpayers. Now we get this: $25,000 of our dollars for a mayoral public relations man.

Party on, lying John!

How to Say Sorry to a Police Officer

Language caution

Fear the Boom and Bust

One of the podcasts I listen to is the excellent Planet Money on NPR. They have been doing an outstanding job covering aspects of the economy from health care to financial reform to corruption in governments around the world with fun and humor.

Today they featured a rap video called "Fear the Boom and Bust" made by George Mason economist Russ Roberts. The rap is a debate between Keynes and Hayek and the dis each other quite a bit (some people might miss the insults since the words have more than four letters).

Enjoy.

If life was more like NASCAR

With the Dayton 500 coming up on Feb 14th, I am getting excited about the new season and was wondering how things in NASCAR would play out in everyday life:

1. If someone cuts you off on the highway, you could put them in the wall.

2. Your car would be so safe you could walk away from any accident.

3. Before you start work, you would honor God and country.

4. You would be encouraged to show your personaltiy at work.

5. You would be nicer to your "fans" (Family and friends) cause they helped you become who you are.

6. You would get 2 1/2 months of vacation each year.

7. Your drive home from work would have a sponsor " My commute sponsored by Mautz Paint and Schlitz Beer".

8. Cool uniforms at work.

9. There would be one hell of a celebration after completing that project, or nailing that contract!

10. You would always have a teammate there to give you a nudge to the front!

WTF, Garry Trudeau?

Have you been spying on me? Watching how I woo the ladies?

(Bonus points for the first person who knows the name of the non-Newtonian fluid made from corn starch).

Winter In Tucson

You might have read or seen news coverage of the winter storms that rolled through the southwest over the last week. The one Friday night dumped the most snow. I snapped these pics yesterday afternoon but didn't get time to post them before I was off to the airport.



These were taken right outside my place and is the basically the view from my master bedroom window. Snow didn't make it down to the valley...was in the 50s on Saturday and will be back into the 60s tomorrow.

See, we get snow here...at least in the mountains!

Be careful who you mess with...

LMAO!!!!

Four for Fridays

Hello Everyone! Welcome Back! This weeks questions are about snacking out!

1) What's your favorite beverage?

2) What's your favorite snack?

3) How often do you snack?

4) When do you take a snack?

Enjoy your weekend!

Quicksilver Messenger Service

Once there was a phenomenon called the San Francisco Sound (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Francisco_Sound), which included bands like the Jefferson Airplane and the Grateful Dead. Also part of that sound was a band called Quicksilver Messenger Service (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quicksilver_Messenger_Service).

"Fresh Air" [Caution: Visuals May Cause Flashbacks]


"What About Me?"


"Edward, the Mad Shirt Grinder"


Website: http://quicksilvermessengerservice.com/

Winter Pics of the Lighthouse

The Wind Point Lighthouse

Ice formations on Lake Michigan

More ice formations

The City of Racine in the background.

ENJOY!

This one Reminds me of Racine Common Council

I don't know why, but it might be they never ask for imput from the tax payers.

An Old One But Still Funny

Getting A Hairdryer Through Customs...

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

Of course child. What can I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

Ukraine's Got Talent - Very Cute Children's Performance

"Update: For subtitles click on the triangel in the downright corner of the player. Then choose subtitles on.

"Jurij is 7 and Karina 6 years old :))

"look at the bald judge what face he made during the performance!!! :D"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZLaZyMpfUI


I watched it without the subtitles. I recognized a few of the words. :)

That's a beautiful performance by the kids. I think he was more nervous than her.

Irregular Christmas Party RSVP time!!

OK boys and girls,
time to RSVP to our Irregular shindig.

It is 10 days from now, AKA 1 week from Saturday!!
Yup, it's coming fast!!

Time to RSVP and have some fun!!

Anyone RSVP-ing that wasn't here last year,
I will email the location to you.

Saturday, Jan. 30th, 4:30
same place as last year,
Pot luck - there will be soup,
from there fill in the blanks,
see you there!!

By the way, Beejay sent yummy presents to share,
just waiting for the party!! Come on out!!!

Say what??

Today I read a comment on facebook that
had a new word/phrase/whatever, and I like it!

The words - BUTT NUGGET.

It made me giggle uncontrollably as I thought
of all kinds of situations that can be used in.

My grandpa was a good one for strange names,
of his most memorable were...

Nincompoop,
(wow, spell check actually has that listed!)

and fart blossom.
Not sure what he really meant but it always made us laugh.

What goofy/odd/peculiar phrase(s) have you heard?
This should be good!

congress votes

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my choice chinchillas! How are you? How is your personal economy? Has the stimulus (stimuli?) stimulated you yet? Sales are off dreadfully on Zoltar® brand products and potions. Just when I was about to open up a website on the real Ethernet, Wall Street decided to stop believing the cow poop that they had been telling everyone else. Oh my! I’ve had numerous clearance sales in an effort to get rid of overstock, and all production is shut down. It’s not like I’m a large employer, and most of us are family, but the ripple effect is endless. We cut back, and then those we purchase from cut back, then those they purchase from cut back, and so on. I’m glad that the big banks and insurance companies are doing so well that they are handing out large bonuses (bonusi?) to themselves. Obviously, prosperity is just around the corner. Of all people, I wonder why I can’t see it?

There was an item in the email this week, but it wasn’t a question or comment. It was the image below:

There was also this:

“The Journal Times, Saturday, January 16, 2010, page 7A”

Well, I don’t know what I’m expected to do with this information, but I do feel compelled to point out that if the “SM” who wrote this ad is serious about settling down, he better be sure that wherever that is, it can support him. Tee-hee. As for the age range in his message, ahem, oh dear and oh my! Is that who I think it is?

I may have a touch of the winter blues that I’ve been writing about, my dears. I’m not much motivated to blog about anything in particular this week. It’s not that I’m unhappy, I’m just not motivated. I’m usually on the go all of the time, from consultation to consultation, or overseeing production. Now there is so much down time. Perhaps I need a vacation. Like Donald Duck did in 1940:



That brings to mind one of my favorite skits from that television show, In Living Color. It was called “Men on Vacation:”



That’s my disjointed and diffused blog for this week, my Irregulars. I appreciate each and every one of you stopping by to spend some time with me. Be very careful, it’s slippery out there.

Fax your tax to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Here’s to all of my friends, Irregular and otherwise. May the light of love shine upon your hearts. Alcoa!

Happy Whatever Day

I want it to be the day I win the Lottery.

Then I could buy a new Labumba mobile!!

Something like this one!!!

You Drive What?

I think the name of the website says it all..You Drive What? Here's a sample.

How did Ser miss this one?

Naked Astronomy

That should pull some search engine hits in! I was catching up on my podcasts today and found that they snuck a new one in my feed. There is now a podcast called Naked Astronomy (from the same people who bring you the Naked Scientists). Fortunately, they put a sample episode on the Naked Scientists feed...you have to subscribe to the Naked Astronomy podcast separately.

Anyway, I enjoyed it as they talked about a bunch of different stories including the Plank satellite, the LCROSS impact on the Moon and the Messenger mission to Mercury. You should subscribe via your favorite podcast catcher. Don't worry about the title: nothing obscene here. Just an occasional mild double entendre about observing heavenly bodies delivered with dry British wit...oh, and its free!

Reprinted with permission from the Half-Astrophysicist Blog.

Tuesday Afternoon Grin

THE BLACK BRA

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went :

My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home, I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner, Batman?"

Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

In honor of MLK day...wisdom about race relations...from puppets.

Test Time

The following 25 questions are about things we see every day or have known about all our lives how many can you get right? These little simple questions are harder than you think-- it just shows you how little we pay attention to the commonplace things of life. Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in your desk or computer!

The average person only gets 7 right. This is based on U.S. info, so use all lobes of your brain. This can be more difficult than it looks - it just shows how little most of us really see!

Think Test

I have absolutely lost it!!!!

Yesterday, I had a party for a dog....Princess Sable as I call her....she is a wiener dog and naturally, we served HOT DOGS, along with some brats (I have a found many people in Florida who have not had brats properly prepared.....) ...anyway, for your amusement and for my commitment papers, here are a couple of pix of this poor dog.

MLK

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."²

Grandparents

Grandparents.....

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye...

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3.. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in.. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these, yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,
we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in..
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her
grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic:"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means
carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

New Year's Resolutions Gone Awry

Over in Sweeden we get a report that a floor collapsed at a Weight Watchers meeting while about 20 people were waiting for their weigh ins. Should have figured out the carrying capacity of the floor and weighed in before standing together for the group photo.

Happy Birthday to Why Not's Daughter

Why Not's? daughter 1st Brithday. Grattis Maia Lynn.

Hobbies

A hobby is supposed to be relaxing. It calms us and fills our dead time. I have a hobby that frustrates the crap out of me. I'm into CNC machines. Computer controlled metal mills and wood routers. At the moment I'm taking a break. There are put-the-hammer-down moments and a balky computer is begging for a new life. I'll get er done somehow though. Heh, CNC as a hobby. You spend a LOT of time learning and doing research. Anyone can program them. It's babbling easy to do. My Hobby takes me so much further though.

Thu motors are special and their name is "stepper motor." They don't spin when you power them up. Nope there are 200 magnetic poles that act as detents and the motor spins by progressively energizing four electromagnetic fields. This pulsed turn method (200 pulses a revolution) of motion make them ideal for open loop control of machines. In order to make them move they need a small fist-full of electronic components and knowledge how to put them together. Thank goodness there are Hobby stores that sell the things completed already.

I'm finishing up my first built from the ground up CNC wood router. It's called a JGRO and Youtube has tons of examples if you're curious what they look like. On top of learning G-code, electronics (and how to solder little things into little spaces) you get to also learn how to be mechanical. Then there is learning to be a woodworker too. Gosh,I'm just full of fun. LOL

I'm close on to bringing the router to life. Just having a problem loading a Linux operating system to an old Dell. I ran into a GRUB error so switching out the hard drive. Did I mention building and trouble shooting computers on the list? Anyhow, I finished the control box electrics and electronics, and have the motors mounted and hooked up. I'll spare this hard-drive's life, but it is getting sent to the corner.

I think I'll explain someday why I'm bald and other things.

Sci-Fi is now

MMMmmmmm Mmmmmm, Vat grown meat. Slaughter houses will be a thing of the past. I knew this day was coming. All I need to do is stay alive twenty more years and they will have old age licked. A gene transfusion to fix my ailment, and tooth buds we grow as needed. The only problem is we're all still savages. We aren't ready as social; animals for the new age. Heinlein had the world I dreamed of.down to a tee. Don't be bothered by what goes on next door unless the participants are unwilling. Lynch infractions of social etiquette. No excuse for a line cutter, lynch em on the spot. Oh yeah, vat grown meat is right around the corner.


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100115/ap_on_he_me/eu_med_petri_pork

I CAN'T DRIVE 55

A d come midnight I'll be that old. As a kid my parents had three life insurance policies on me. They were sure I wouldn't make it to 16. I didn't think I'd make it to 45. Now here I am burying friends before me. Last year i changed my Birthday date. People change their names, why can't I change the date. I picked June 22, 1955. I don't mind being old, I just hate a birthday in the middle of winter right after Xmas. People are broke and no one has bucks for gifts. "Here Huck, it's a shirt I got at Value Village." Yep story of my life, I get no respect.

June 22 is the day after summer solstice. It is the second longest daylight day there is. It's warm, and there is a good reason to drink beer. This year, plnn9ng a big picnic at one of the parks. heck, might even spring for a roasted Pig. Sure can't do that in Winter. Bah humbug.

Re-Elect Nobody!

The people in political offices throughout the USA just do not get it. They are supposed to represent us, not the special interests that buy their votes. I don't care what political affiliation, 99.9% of them have an agenda that has nothing to do with what their constituents want. I'm voting against every incumbent in every upcoming election. They will not understand, nor will their successors heed us, until we THROW THE BUMS OUT!

[This has been an unpaid political advertisement. Re-Elect Nobody Racine, OrbsCorbs treasurer; send lawyers, guns and money in care of JTIrregulars.com. Alderman Jeff Coe excluded from this blog because he's a good guy.]

Friday Morning Grin...

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa .
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe .
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece ,gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.

THE END

Four for Fridays

Hello everybody! This week's Four for Fridays goes to the silver screen!

1) What's your favorite movie?

2) Who's your favorite actor?

3) Who's your favorite actress?

4) Who's your favorite director?

Enjoy your weekend folks!

Baby Got Beat

You have probably heard about people playing Mozart or talking to babies while still in the womb to try and give them a head start. The big problem of course is that by the time the sound passes through to the baby, everything sounds like the adults from a Peanuts television special.

The problem has finally been solved with the Ritmo Advanced Sound System (and yes, it appears to be a real product in spite of my initial skepticism that this had to be a joke or a story from the Onion, as it is available for purchase on Amazon.) Pregnant women can now wear speakers right on their body and pump their favorite iPod mix right into their baby, starting hearing damage months earlier than was previously possible.

Another case of just because you can do something does not necessarily mean you should do it!

Conan O'Brien's Voice Mail

I have been traveling a lot...today is my first day in the office this year. Will get back to a regular posting schedule as soon as I get caught up.

In the meantime, I leave you Jeff Zucker's voicemails for Conan O'Brien.

Leaked! NBC CEO Jeff Zucker's Vociemails for Conan O'Brien - watch more funny videos

Pat Robertson Blames Haitian Earthquake on "Pact with the Devil"

The White House has characterized Mr. Robertson's remarks as "utterly stupid." http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5i-cje4nq_47RoAKHYlcJRkRXgQvg

Signs of the Times

All artwork is property of Randy Glasbergen

Testing Bullet Proof Glass In 1952

How much do you trust your husband???

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my wild strawberries! How are you? We’re supposed to experience temperatures above freezing for the next few days. Won’t that be nice? Be sure to watch your step and wear your galoshes. A thin layer of water on ice makes it that much more slippery. I find it dreadful to have to maneuver about at this time of year. Just walking down the sidewalk can be treacherous. I am so grateful for those people who shovel their walks and driveways. Thank you for all that hard work. Salt sparingly, my friends, and don’t expect salt to melt the last three snows which haven’t been cleared.

I have been dreading this part of my blog, the part where I root on our magnificent and salient Packers. The game this past Sunday could not have been more heartbreaking. As the resplendent Packers fought back from staggering early setbacks, my chest filled with pride. The fourth quarter saw point for point battles. And then, in the final seconds, it appeared that all was lost as the Cardinals’ kicker, Mr. Rackers, approached for an easy field goal. At that exact moment, my loyalty to our beloved team overtook any sense of responsibility and I placed the Curse of Kronos on Mr. Rackers just as he kicked the ball. Of course, it shanked wide of the uprights. The Packers then had possession of the ball, with just a few seconds on the clock. I expected a Hail Mary play from our offense, which I would ably assist, and clinch the game. But no, after the snap, both sides knelt for the clock to run out and go into sudden death overtime. Why? Why would we give up possession of the ball for the toss of a coin? We had the ball, we had time to snap it and make a play. Why didn’t we? What would we have risked that we didn’t risk by going into overtime? And we would have gone into overtime, anyway, if we didn’t score. I’m sorry, I was so flabbergasted by these events that I didn’t rightly understand what was happening. I got up to get some tea. When I came back, Mr. Rodgers was being stripped of the ball. I cried and cried. My poor, poor Packers. I am so sorry.

There were no Dear John letters or eviction notices in this week’s mail.

Dear Irregulars, you know I write this blog because I want to help others. If my insights and abilities can alleviate someone’s suffering or put a worried heart at ease, then I am glad to do it and expect no reward other than the customary, nominal fee. If nothing else, I strive to be uplifting and optimistic in my outlook. I desire what is good and right for everyone. I want my blog to influence your life positively. But, I must admit, that can be difficult to do in times like these. There seems to be little good news out there. And my predictions are not particularly rosy, either. Short of putting all of Racine under a spell (I’ve thought of it many times), I don’t know what I can do to brighten your day. So I resort to amusing videos in the hope that they might distract you momentarily from whatever unpleasant tasks you may need to perform. Like this one, entitled Christmas Tree Rocketry:



In another nod to the boys’ brand of humor, here’s The Human Firecracker [Caution: Language Advisory]:



I know, so puerile, yet the laughter is contagious. My son has done that more times than I can count. And he wasn’t even drunk.

Don’t forget to forward your mailing address to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Have a wonderful week, my dears. Enjoy whatever breaks in the weather that we get. I’m already counting down the days to March. Hyperion!

Old Bugs Bunny Movie

I ran into a website which has many old cartoons to watch, this is one of Bugs bunny.

Merrie Melodies: Falling Hare

Ipod heavy rotation

This song has been played alot over the last few days on my I-pod. Once again, thanks to 88.9 Radio Milwaukee for showcasing some new independent music. Please enjoy the Great Lake Swimmers (Cool name!) and She comes To Me In Dreams:

Monday afternoon grins.....

THE ITALIAN ELBOW . .

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

'You comma to de front door of the apartamenta. I am inna apartamenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301.

I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator issa ona the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.'

'Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

What . . .You coming empty handed?'

///////////////////////////////////////

>THE UNDERTAKER'S BLACK EYE

>Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I had a terrible day." replied Roy . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I went up and sure enough there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see" said his wife, "but how did you get the black eye?"

Roy replied: "Wrong room !."

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD!

Crap! I forgot what it was....