Saturday, September 12, 2009

Status: Help, trapped in drain, LOL

You fall down a storm drain and are trapped. You have your mobile phone so what do you do? Call the police...the fire department, your parents?

Well, two girls in Australia decided to no one of those things and instead set their facebook status to reflect their predicament.

Guess this means we all need to friend 911 on facebook now.

Power of Beer

9/11 Brilliance

As we have just observed another anniversary, The Onion has reprinted its brilliant edition that followed 9/11. They somehow managed to capture so much of what people were feeling in humorous ways. Our anger was captured nicely by Hijackers Surprised to Find Themselves in Hell. They took on the surreal site of watching skyscrapers fall with American Life Turns Into Bad Jerry Bruckheimer Movie. Our supposed togetherness was ridiculed with Hugging up 76,000 Percent. Of course they turned out to be wrong when they declared :Report: Gen X Irony, Cynicism May Be Permanently Obsolete.

There are other stories there worth reading as well, so check it out if you missed it the first time.


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. It will also remove fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh crap"

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until they melt.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short to use in your remodeling job.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMN-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMN-IT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need to finish your current project.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Time to liven up this pop stand

Nothing like some DMB to pick things up.

I Assume This is a Scam

Mom received this letter today. It was addressed to my deceased father, at her current address:

It's funny that the letter states, "The U.S. Postal Service wants to make service to its customers as consistent, accurate, and timely as possible." Dad's been dead for over 30 years now. I don't know when was the last time I saw a piece of mail addressed to him.

The letter appears to be genuine. It mentions IBM is doing the purported study, but the reporting site,, is owned by the West Corporation,, not IBM. There's little else about this on the net other than a smattering of negative references to similar letters received elsewhere, and more numerous negative references to

I assume that once you start reporting for them, they have their hooks in you one way or another, at least with worthless points or discounts good only at stores selling their overpriced goods.

The notation at the bottom of the letter, CONFIDENTIAL MATERIAL - NOT FOR REPRODUCTION OR GENERAL DISCLOSURE, gave me momentary pause. What if it really is from the Postal Service? Is blogging about it breaking a federal law?

If it is, I'm blaming dad.

Florida Spider!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Can you believe it has been eight years? Seems like yesterday....

God Bless the Heroes, their families and the USA.

Elvis & Jackson Found ALIVE

Elvis and MJ found Southern Ohio, Meigs County

The Crystal Cave

I am going to look down today instead of up. Just last week, there was an expedition to the Crystal Cave of Giants in Niaca, Mexico. This cave was discovered in 2000 and contains some spectacular crystallized gypsum.

You can see that they aren't kidding. The suit is due to the fact that it is hot and humid in there...112 F (50C ) and 90% humidity. You don't want to hang out there long without a cooling suit. The crystals are up to 11 meters long and weight up to 55 tons.

This is not exactly my field, so I will let you read the account of the journey and see the other pictures. National Geographic has a nice story summarizing how they formed as well.

Reprinted with permission from the Half-Astrophysicist Blog.

Thursday Morning Grins

I can't see the big deal with calling a Pakistani a Paki. It's just the same as calling an Australian an Aussie, a Scotsman a Scot, or a Frenchman an Asshole.

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a guy hiding behind a gravestone.
I said, "Morning." He replied, "No, just having a shit."

Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week.
The musical chairs was a bit slow, but pass the parcel was quick !!!


When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan guy standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul ... won't it start ?"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

How to Make a Race Walker Run

You have probably laughed at them at the Olympics...those who try to move as fast as possible without running. What would it take to get a world class racewalker to break into a run? That is the question a Japanese reality show decided to answer...

Local Farm Guide Southeastern Wisconsin

Just passing along some information which may be of interest to some of you.


Farm Fresh Atlas

Farm Fresh Atlas PDF File

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?

For bird flu you need tweetment

and for swine flu you need oinkment.

Now aren't you guys glad you let me post here?

Return of the Hubble...

You might recall a few months ago there was a highly publicized Space Shuttle mission to repair the Hubble Space Telescope. With the exception of an image of the recent impact on Jupiter, Hubble has been quiet. Too quiet.

When new cameras are installed, it takes time to power everything up, test it, take calibration images, tweak your image processing routines, etc. But the wait is finally over.

Hubble released a whole slew of new images today. Let's take a peek.


That is Eta Carina...well, actually only a small part of the system imaged by the new Wide Field Camera 3 (yes, there was a 1 and 2). Eta Carina is a spectacular, mysterious nearby system. Right now we think there are two stars. One of them is huge...over 100 times the mass of our Sun. They are surrounded by this gas and dust. The large star erupted spectacularly in 1841 and was the second brightest star in the sky by 1843 in spite of being about 8,000 light years away (for reference, Sirius, the brightest star in sky right now, is about 8.5 light years away). I only embedded a small image here...check it out in hires.

Now let's move on to Omega Centauri.

Again, you will want to look at hires versions. This is only a small section of Omega Centauri which is the largest globular cluster in the Milky Way containing millions of stars. I will wait while you count them (don't worry, there are only 100,000 or so in this image).

Hubble is back and better than ever. Be sure to check out the other images released today.

Reprinted with permission from the Half-Astrophysicist Blog.

World-Wide Monopoly Game Launched on Google Maps

"A massive multi-player version of the popular property game Monopoly has been launched online.

"Monopoly City Streets, developed by toymaker Hasbro, will go live on 9 September for four months.

"The free game uses Google Maps or the open source Open Street Map as the playing board.

"The toymaker claims it will be 'the biggest game of Monopoly of all time' and will allow players to purchase almost 'any street in the world.'"

I've been trying to log onto the site,, this morning, but the servers are apparently overwhelmed. It loaded once, but conked out when I clicked the play button.



The creators have a blog for the game:

As of this writing (10:30 AM), they state:

"We ANTICIPATED an opening rush when we launched the Monopoly City Streets online game, but the first few hours have surpassed even our greatest EXPECTATIONS.

"We are in the process of increasing our firepower and expect to be running more smoothly within the next several hours.

"Thanks for your patience as we work as fast as we can to resolve this and get everyone playing and trading on Monopoly City Streets."

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my lovely bean sprouts! How are you? Do you have your long johns and snow suits out yet? What are you waiting for? This is Wisconsin. We could be skiing for Halloween.

No one had any questions, or answers, this week, so I’m going to keep my blog short and sweet. I can use the extra time to continue my preparations for the upcoming holiday season. This year I’m promoting Madame Zoltar™ gift cards. You can purchase $10, $25, $50, $100, or more, in personal readings and/or merchandise for someone you love. What better way to say “I love you” than to give the gift of the future?

Before I leave you with the video gem below, don’t forget to send your vicious rumors to:

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your edification, I present “American Gypsy - I'm Ok You're Ok (Disco 1979 - Dutch TV).”

Blog on, my wonderful Irregulars. Gesundheit!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Happy Birthday Young Lady.

View from the Top

Over the weekend, I went the lighthouse where they had open tours to the public. I've taken three trips up this historic symbol of Racine. This time I brought a camera! If you have never been up there, I suggest you should! The views are great!

Lake Michigan
View to the west

View to south-Kenosha

It's a long way down!

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga

Savasana - Position of total relaxation

Balasana - Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana - This position calms the brain and heals tired legs

Marjayasana - Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column

Halasana - Excellent for back pain and insomnia.

Dolphin - Excelent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Salambhasana - Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms

Ananda Balasana - This position is great for masaging the hip area.

Malasana - This position, for ankles and back muscles.

So, lets start drinking

Yale to Publish "The Cartoons That Shook the World" - Without the Cartoons

Because they fear a violent backlash from Muslims, Yale University Press has removed cartoons from a forthcoming book about those very same cartoons [!!!], which were originally published in a Danish newspaper in 2005 and triggered protests.

And a local news source won't publish mugshots because they might contribute to "hurtful stereotypes" - never mind identifying the people in your neighborhood who are threats to you and yours.

And I was ticketed for disorderly conduct by a Racine police officer for taking pictures in a public park of punks drinking, because I "should have known" that doing something legal (taking pictures) would "make" thugs do sometning illegal (attack me).

I really think it's time for a general list of dos and don'ts to be made available to the public so that those of us who abide by the law will know how not to offend those who steal, rape, rob and murder. I am very concerned about stepping on the toes of those who want to injure and kill others.

How can we kowtow to and further enable criminals? Please, let us know.

Monday, September 7, 2009


This past Thursday a friend of mine and I went to Washington Island.

I have never been to Door County, holy bajesus what a tourist trap.

Anyhow, on my way home I saw a store, which sells cherry pies and jellies. I had to stop and get something, seeing the area is renowned for their cherries.

Well I bought a pie and a couple jars for jelly and took along one of the mail order forms.

Once home, a good friend stopped over so I offered up a piece of cherry pie.

I took the box out of the refrigerator and my friend just busted out laughing...not only was it a cherry pie, but it is a HO-MADE PIE.

Sure enough, even their mail order form is from HO-MADE.

I have to admit, they sure can make a good pie!

Madam Bea has a whole staff of dedicated employees!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Plastic Pink Flamingo Named Madison's Official City Bird

On September 1, Madison's City Council voted to make the plastic pink flamingo the official city bird. It was done to honor a 30 year old college prank.,0,4536100.story

Gee, and all that Racine's City Council ever does is give us the bird.