Saturday, October 31, 2009

And the Bird goes to - The envelope please:

By an overwhelming majority, the winner is Mr 10 year plan himself, nobody's mayor but yours (and JWAX/RAMAC/RCEDC/Downtown) Johnny Dickert! Just for you is a hard to accomplish double back flip. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Daylight Saving Time Ends

Daylight Saving Time ends early tomorrow (Sunday) morning, at 2 a.m. Don't forget to set your clocks back one hour before you go to sleep tonight.

TWO WOLVES - Little Words of Wisdom


One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

UnitedHealthcare's Stephen Hemsley - Enough to Make You Sick

UnitedHealthcare provides my prescription drug coverge. Every year, the number of drugs that they cover shrinks while the premiums go up. They cut off funding for three of my prescriptions this past year. In each case, I had to fight to prove that the prescription was "medically necessary." Isn't that the job of the prescribing physician? Why is an insurance company making my precription drug decisions for me? I can't switch to another insurer because I am grandfathered into UnitedHealthcare's plan for an IBS drug that is expensive and no one else will cover.

Is this what the founding fathers meant when they said "the pursuit of happiness" - gouging your fellow Americans for millions of dollars while they die?

Btw, the $3.2 million that Stephen Hemsley received was reduced from the previous year's salary of $13.2 million because of concerns over excessive executive pay.

Party on!

If ya see an old friend and...

You both say you all need to get in touch, do it. My best friend through grade school and high school had his funeral today. Seems we would run into each other time to time with got to get around to its, but never did. Weird how no one seems to have gotten the message that I'm supposed to be the first to kick. This is one of those contests where you're both happy and sad to win.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Bear attack...

Bear attack 2009 - Remote Alaska air strip on a fishing trip.
Apparently a bear attacked his plane while parked in a remote field up there in AK. The pilot had not cleaned out the inside after a long fishing trip and the bear smelled it.

The pilot/owner had 2 new tires, 3 cases of Duct Tape, and several rolls of cellophane delivered. Then went about repairing the plane so he could fly it home.



Friday Night Humor..........

I got this new deodorant today.

The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.

Four for Fridays

Hi Everybody! Welcome back! This weeks questions are about food.

1) What's your favorite food?

2) What's your least favorite food?

3) What toppings do you like on your pizza?

4) What's your favorite candy?

Have a good weekend folks!

It's that time again Vote Now!

Who deserves this most - Vote now!
John Dickert
Early Christmas Stores
Main Moon II
Lazy People
Magazine Companies
Caledonia Town Board
Brett Favre free polls

View nominations HERE

Thursday, October 29, 2009

For the Chili Lovers in all of us

I went to the Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented ‘you’re definitely going to S**t yourself' road kill chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No ‘Watson’s Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den.

Upon entering the store at first, all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn’t until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, S**t, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an red apron clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. .........BIG mistake!!!!!

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things ‘clamped down, if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw, an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, ‘Son-of-a-bitch, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises, and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowe's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.

Bastards claim they are going to have to repaint the store

Too Much Time on Their Hands...

To come up with this costume.

You can read about it in the St. Petersburg Times as well.

Friends & Lovers

Word on the street is that some of the women in relationships with the men recently arrested in raids in Racine and elsewhere have notable positions in our community.

The rumors say that some baby mamas are not only sticking up for their men, but they get paid with our tax dollars in jobs that serve the public. Of course, these women had absolutely NO idea of what their men were doing. None, uh-uh, nope, they never once thought to ask where all the cars and bling and money were coming from.

It's that time again - Bird of the week nominations

Hello all my fellow sufferers of Irregularity! It's time to nominate the person place or thing that you think deserves to be flipped the bird this week. Who smashed your pumpkin. Who tainted your candy. Who pooped bagged your doorstep this week. Who ticked you off so bad you want to flip them the bird? Name and reason please.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my hearty harvesters! How are you? Daylight Saving Time ends this weekend, so the mornings will be a little brighter, for awhile, but soon our evenings will darken quickly. No wonder that people think about ghosts and goblins at this time of year. When the wind starts rattling around all of those leaves in the dark, I get a little jumpy, too. Usually, a snort or two of my tonic calms me down nicely.

There were no missives, manuscripts, or messages submitted this week:

Well, I don’t want to toot my own horn, but it looks like the good spell that I cast on our beloved Racine last week may have already started to pay off. A lot of the riffraff in our city was cleaned up in the recent raids, our mayor is actually working towards jobs for our residents, and the proposed city and school tax hikes “aren’t as bad as they could have been.” I guess that’s one way of looking at it. We have a wonderful town on a beautiful lake. Let’s keep making it shine.

I have to admit to you, my friends, that I almost forgot about this week’s blog; or rather, for some reason, I thought today was yesterday. I didn’t realize a blog was due until the last minute. Getting older can be a lot of fun as long as you forget the bad parts. So, I’m going to keep with last week’s theme and the seasonal motif of Halloween, one of my favorite holidays. First is “The Life and Death of a Pumpkin,” Winner: Best Short Film and Best Concept, 2006 Chicago Horror Film Festival, October (Chicago, IL):

The following is a video montage of one family’s Halloween pumpkins for four consecutive years:

And finally, something to serve as a sobering reminder of the seriousness of the holiday - a squirrel drunk on fermented pumpkin:

The people who posted the above video noted: “This squirrel in a Minneapolis neighborhood was drunk from eating fermented pumpkins. THIS SQUIRREL WAS FINE THE NEXT DAY. Fermentation is how alcohol is made and animals get drunk in nature all the time.”

All the time? Oh my. You can tell that Madame Z is scraping the bottom of the beer barrel when she hauls out the drunken animal videos. As I said, this has been put together hurriedly, but I still appreciate each and every person who takes the time to read my blog, especially my regular Irregulars.

Please don’t forget to send your grocery lists and random doodles to:

Bundle up against the weather, dears, and wash your hands like an obsessive compulsive neat freak to ward off the flu. Boraxo®!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Obama Children Receive H1N1 Vaccine

Just posted today on the White House Blog.

Haven't seen any journalists complain about this yet, but it didn't take long to start finding negative comments about how they got the vaccine when it is still in short supply. Check out the comments if you want to see some.

Free Health Insurance Guidebook Available For Download Until The End Of The Month!

My Health Insurance Guidebook for Wisconsin, provides consumers with help in navigating health insurance, managing medical debt and identifying health coverage options. The Guidebook also contains many resources and contacts for referral organizations that help people in need of medical coverage. The Guidebook will help families and professionals deal with the legal and health issues related to private health insurance.

See the article at Racine News.Org

Guide Book

Monday, October 26, 2009


After a two year loan to the United States ,
Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy .

His Proud Sponsors (?) were:

More Pictures for the Leaf Lookers

These were taken this past Saturday. Location is Alma, Wisconsin on the Mississippi River.

Obama children not given H1N1 shot despite CDC guidelines

Article here.

WTF. CDC Guidelines are as follows:

"As the health care workforce finalizes its immunizations, health care providers are moving on to immunizing additional target groups including pregnant women, household contacts and caregivers for children less than 6 months of age, all people from 6 months through 24 years of age, and persons age 25-64 with conditions associated with higher risk of complications from influenza."

They want all of America to get this but not the first family?

Yes, I have my tin foil hat on right now, but this is further reasoning why I wont get it.

Men of the JTI Seek Women for Fun and Romance

I wonder if the Viking approach worked for Fred?

Waiter, There's a Screw in my Soup

I think they're having a knife fight at the end.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Maple Tree at the peak

This was taken in my back yard 10 days ago at the peak of it's fullness and yellow color.