I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh man
manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, the other week I was wont to flip
the page of my kitchen-wall calendar (Strumpets
of the South Seas) ’cause that’s the kind of guy I strive to be—organized,
punctual, cocksure of handy, perhaps useful, information like which is the
correct goddamn month of the year currently underfoot.
I was informed that we had now entered
the bittersweet month of Foctober. I took a quick perusal of the dates to
remind myself whether there were any big-time holidays where everybody got the
day off so’s they could visit relatives and drink their beer all day long. The
answer was “No, sir.” But I did discover that Columbus Day fell on a Monday,
Oct. 10, this year, and my head began to spin.
WHAT THE FOCK? Oct. 10? Any schoolboy
worth his old-school salt knows that Columbus Day is supposed to be Oct. 12.
Cripes, I’m sure that date would even be in the Bible if that good book had had
the foresight to cover stuff that happened at least through the year 1492. I
don’t know how the heck anyone can get such a simple, straight fact wrong
unless he or she belonged to the Republican Party, what the fock.
Focktober 10? When the hell did Columbus
Day start getting short-shrift shifted around like the birthdays of Washington,
Lincoln? Hey, without Christopher Columbus, there never would’ve been presidents
Washington and Lincoln. In case you forgot, Cristoforo Colombo whilst
sailing the ocean blue discovered the New World; although, personally, I wish
he’d rather discovered a cure for the common cold.
Yeah, the New World. Sounds like one of
those fancy theme parks, ain’a? And what a roller coaster—but it only goes
down, down and down, so I hear.
I’ll tell you, those Italians still go
big-time for Columbus in a big way. But in truth, they ought to be kicking
themselves on account of way-back-when they wouldn’t cough up squat to finance
his sea cruise. If they had, I’ll bet you a buck two-eighty things’d be
different. South of the border there, they’d be speaking Italian and eating
ravioli instead of speaking Spanish and eating those fragile tacos where after
you take one bite, you’re picking the rest of your focking meal out of your
lap, gracias for nothing.
On the other hand, nowadays with all the
Indians in charge of the organized gambling, it’s just as if the Italians had
moved in and set up shop first anyways, so what the fock.
But speaking of discovery, as I’ve said
in the past, and now here again, it’s no secret that I secretly desire to be known
in the future as “the discoverer of all discoverers”—to make a discovery of
such magnitude that it would make all the other discoverers in the history
books look like a bunch of focking pikers. And I’ll tell you, what that would
be is to discover what truly lies on the other side of this life—like after you
got hit by a goddamn bus—and then return to fill in the rest of us, no bullshit
And I’d still like to be that guy—the
first stiff to re-ford the river Styx, hit the talk-show circuit and give you
the lowdown from six-feet-under. Personally, I find it very difficult to
believe it’s not been done yet. You’d think by now some enterprising knob
would’ve found a way. I mean, what’s the focking problem? The afterlife must
have one hell of a security system that even Hou-focking-dini can’t get out of,
Yeah, the afterlife, lot to discover
about that, you bet. And being the man of science that I am, I will only accept
empirical evidence concerning what happens after you’re deader than a doornail
from somebody who’s been gravely dead, not just pretending—yeah, I’m talking
about some guy gone for at least a couple, three months from whom you get a
call in the middle of dinner, or just shows up at your door some night and
says, “Hey, buddy, how ya doing? Do I have news for you!”
But I guess we go to discovery with the
discoverers we have. And I enjoyed Columbus Day, as I always do. No bills in
the mail ’cause there’s no goddamn mail. And I recalled fourth-grade October recess
from so long ago, when us wags fresh off our history chapter on Columbus would
come up with our own names for his boats—the Hyena, the Pinhead and Santa’s
Diarrhea. We used to come up with some pretty good shit back then, I kid you
“Used to”: the definition of age, any
age. One day you think you’re the toast of the town, but then it could be the
next day, the next day, the next month or maybe 524 years in the future, it is
discovered you are junk. What a world, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you
Hello everyone I hope all of you are going good. I have been out and trying to get Fall Colors to share with all of you but it seems that the leaves are drying out and just falling off the trees before I can get the pictures. This happened last year too. I do have some pictures to share with you and I am going to try to get more.
This picture was taken at Navarino Wildlife Refuge in Navarino Wi. you will see a Great Egret in the picture.
This picture was taken at Shoop Park in Racine Wi.
This picture was taken on Nicholson Rd. in Caledonia Wi.
This picture was taken at Richard Bong State Recreational Area in Brighton Wi.
From rhe Shepherd Express
, Art Kumbalek comes with his column "Art For Art's Sake," more or less every Tuesday. Art's been doing this for more than 30 years, so he must have something to say.
Dear Madame Zoltar
Every Wednesday, Madame Zoltar responds to your queries and comments in her blog, Dear Madame Zoltar. Are the stars in your favor? What to do with that 401K? Find out by sending your questions and thoughts to: email@example.com
“Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.” Bob Marley
PLEASE BE SURE TO READ OUR DISCLAIMER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE
This website exists for entertainment purposes only. The reader is responsible for discerning the validity of information posted here, be it fictional or based on real events or people. The content of posts on this site, including but not limited to links to other web sites, are the expressed opinion of the original poster and are in no way representative of or endorsed by the owners or administration of this website. The posts on this website are the opinion of the specific author and are not statements of advice, opinion, or factual information on behalf of the owner or administration of JT Irregulars. This site may contain adult content and if you feel you might be offended by such content, you should log off immediately.
Not all posts on this website are intended as truthful or factual assertion by their authors. Some users of this website are participating in internet role playing, with or without the use of an avatar. NO post on this website should be considered factual information on face value alone. Users are encouraged to USE DISCERNMENT and do their own follow up research while reading and posting on this website. JT Irregulars reserves the right to make changes to, corrections and/or remove entirely at any time posts made on this website without notice. In addition, JT Irregulars disclaims any and all liability for damages incurred directly or indirectly as a result of a post on this website.
This site is provided "as is" without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. You should not assume that this site is error-free or that it will be suitable for the particular purpose which you have in mind when using it. In no event shall JT Irregulars be liable for any special, incidental, indirect or consequential damages of any kind, or any damages whatsoever, including, without limitation, those resulting from loss of use, data or profits, whether or not advised of the possibility of damage, and on any theory of liability, arising out of or in connection with the use or performance of this site or other documents which are referenced by or linked to this site.
Some events depicted in certain posting and threads on this website may be fictitious and any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental. Some other articles may be based on actual events but which in certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be composites, or entirely fictitious. We do not discriminate against the mentally ill!
Administrators may close an account, remove any post or comment and cancel author accounts as they, alone, deem necessary. You may contact the administration at firstname.lastname@example.org to report inappropriate use or to ask for the removal of specific material. The administration retains the final decision of what content constitutes appropriate use and what content is displayed.
Fair Use Notice: This site may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. Users may make such material available in an effort to advance awareness and understanding of issues relating to civil rights, economics, individual rights, international affairs, liberty, science & technology, etc. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C.Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.