Saturday, June 14, 2008
These products will provide hours of stimulating conversation.
Sorry JT, you're going to find out real quick that your hits fall like a waterfall and the ad revinue you were hoping for due to those hits if it ever amounted to much will also be falling. Not only that, but the news hits you think you're getting aren't correct. Your idiot IT has a setting screwed up so that when a viewer hits their back button they actually refresh the screen and it refreshes the screen of the same news item and maybe showing up as a fresh hit. A person has to do the drop down history and then bypass the JT news to get out of it. I can even imagine folks would just stop using your service at all because of this problem.
Friday, June 13, 2008
For the low price of only $40 for the first year, you can leave messages to be sent to up to 62 email addresses of your damned (literally) friends and family. Yep, you can finally tell your gay uncle, the ACLU member at your office, your feminist friends, and college roommate who had an abortion exactly why they weren't carried away in the rapture. While you and your family are safely in heaven, automated emails will go out to those behind to suffer on Earth.
How does the system know when the rapture has occourred? No, they didn't hire some atheists to monitor the system. If three of five top execs do not log in for three days in a row, the system for three days in a row, the emails are set to go out (I find this interesting since it implies they think there is a good chance that at least two of them will be left behind!)
I can see this leading to some embarassing situations when I get an email from someone telling me I have been left behind and then seeing that person at work the next day...awkward!
There are a few obvious examples: The end of World War II was a big one. I remember in college thinking I would have given ANYTHING to be in Germany the day the Berlin Wall fell, knowing that I was missing what was probably the biggest spontaneous party likely to occur in my lifetime.
Events like that are exceptionally rare. Do I have a chance of seeing one in my lifetime? What event could possibly spark such a celebration in the next forty years or so?
I went to high school with Jeff, but got to know him better afterwards, at college and from his and friends' "Poetry Smörgåsbord" shows in Madison in the 70's. One of my favorite stories about him concerns a visit he paid to me and my then wife in Chicago in the mid 80's. We went out to a pub/club in the trendy Lincoln Park area. There, a fellow appeared onstage with a guitar. The performer sang some songs, but, unfortunately, he stunk. The audience more or less ignored the guy and people chatted away while he sang. This perturbed the guy, so he stopped his performance and made some comments about the audience ignoring him. A few people replied with "You suck" and "You stink." We added in our two cents. The performer then said, "If any of you think you can do better, come on up here and try." Without hesitation, and much to my and my wife's surprise, Jeff stood up and walked to the stage. He took the guy's guitar, sat on his stool, and launched into songs and stories. The audience loved it! After a few minutes, the performer cut in and took back his guitar. The audience applauded for Jeff. I knew then that he was going places.
Check out his show.
Learn how to blog and/or be a journalist. They'll be using this system. Free help from a professional. Cool.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
"But surely this can't be a declaration of war?" you say. Before you judge, watch the commercial.
Now imagine you are an alien and you receive this transmission. Yikes! There is a planet 45 light years away with GIANT BEINGS that feast on small yellow dancing traingles!
This is clearly a sign of a threatening society and the only solution is to launch an all out assault!
Fortunately, this star is 45 light years away, but we must prepare now!
TORNADO WATCH OUTLINE UPDATE FOR WT 513
NWS STORM PREDICTION CENTER NORMAN OK
105 PM CDT THU JUN 12 2008
TORNADO WATCH 513 IS IN EFFECT UNTIL 800 PM CDT FOR THE
. WISCONSIN COUNTIES INCLUDED ARE
COLUMBIA DANE DODGE
GRANT GREEN IOWA
JEFFERSON KENOSHA LAFAYETTE
MILWAUKEE OZAUKEE RACINE
ROCK SAUK SHEBOYGAN
WALWORTH WASHINGTON WAUKESHA
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house
There are a lot of flood stories out there. And a lot of those mention the presence of carp in unlikely places: backyards, city streets, etc. As the waters recede, we may discover a bounty of the big goldfish have been left behind. Mmm-mmm. Post your carp recipes here.
3 cups cooked carp
2 cups cooked rice
2 Tablespoons grated onion
2 Tablespoons melted margarine
1 Tablespoon minced parsley
1 Tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 cup milk
2 well-beaten eggs
1 tsp. salt
Pepper to taste
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Just for the record, JT Irregulars, Inc. (NYSE: JTI) owns everything that you post here. We also own everything that you were thinking when you posted it, and any good ideas that you've had since then. Please forward all royalties to us. Also, we're stopping by your place tonight to look for loose change beneath the couch cushions.
Thank you for your contributions.
JT IRREGULARS: Pulliam to RUSD: Hell No, Im not coming!"The Board of Education was informed today that Dr. Barbara Pulliam has withdrawn her application for the Superintendent of the Racine Unified School ...
jtirregulars.blogspot.com/2008/06/pulliam-to-rusd-hell-no-im-not-coming.html - 4 hours ago - Similar pages - Note this
Board members too busy following marching orders from the business community rather than doing what is best for the kids....
Wouldn't follow the Hicks educational model.
Not enough cash.
Didn't like the way Hicks redecorated the office.
Sue Kutz tried to censure her comments too.
Not as warm as Georgia.
Found out how many mosquito's are coming after the floods.
Took a look at her old district, decided it was not as screwed up as RUSD and decided to stay.
Saw RUSD's Test scores this year.
She wouldn't "Play ball" with the teachers union.
Too much crime and violence.
Wanted to live in the art district but Becker said no.
Hates the Packers.
Any other theories?
"The Board of Education was informed today that Dr. Barbara Pulliam has withdrawn her application for the Superintendent of the Racine Unified School District. The Board of Education will restart the search process immediately. "
All I have to say is this to the board:
HA! I told you so. Now start over and do the damn search right.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Gus from Fox 6 at the entrance to Island Park
“For four, five, six inches of rain, it’s not a big deal,” Becker said. “Where we have water is where you would think we would have water. There are no big surprises that I’ve come across.”
Around 9 Sunday night, Becker changed his mind.
“It’s turning into a bigger deal than we thought,” Becker said. “We might have some serious problems before this is all said and done.”
Are you SERIOUS? What a Moron. This guy needs to get his head out of his behind for once. Just because he was okay meant this wasn't a big deal at first??? GARY: NEXT TIME, GET IN YOUR CAR AND DRIVE AROUND THE DAMN CITY BEFORE YOU MAKE AN IDIOTIC STATEMENT AND HAVE TO PUT YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH!
We also received our first spam yesterday:
Does this mean we're in the big time?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
This is one of my favorite subjects. Are UFOs real? What are they? Swamp gas? Advance scouts for an invading armada? Friend or foe or figment of the imagination?
I've never seen a UFO, though I've always wanted to. But I don't go out of my way to look for them, either. As to what they are or if they exist, I am an agnostic. I would love to have a close encounter - I think. I'd probably poop my pants.
Have you ever seen one? What do you think they are? Are you in contact with them? Can they predict tomorrow's lottery numbers?