Friday, September 7, 2012

An elderly couple

An elderly couple were sitting at the breakfast table one fine morning, when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've been happily married now for 50 years."

"Yes," he replied. "Fifty years ago we were probably sitting here at this breakfast table together. But back then we were probably buck naked!"

The granny snickered, "Well... what do you think? Should we?"

The husband readily agreed, and in a flash both the prune-like coffin-dodgers had stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly said. "My nipples are as hot for you as they were 50 years ago!"

"I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the others in your oatmeal!"


"We all get heavier as we get older because, there's a lot more information in our heads."

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
And the Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."

So he went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
"Honor thy Father and Mother”,
Father? We don't know who our fathers are."
So He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Mexicans wanted an example,
and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."

He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French wanted an example and the Lord said,
"Thou shalt not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested.

He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."

Four for Fridays

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Four for Fridays after a busy, busy week! Worked so darn many hours that I'm beginning to wonder what rest is. Guess I'll find out this weekend... Here are some questions for you.

1) Would you rather go blind or go deaf?

2) How much change is in your pocket?

3) Have you ever saved a life?

4) What is your Zodiac sign?

Enjoy your weekend!

Open Blog - Friday

Enjoy your Friday.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

"Abusive Teacher Gets Lesson From Little Girl"

"The teacher calls the student stupid and pokes her in the head three times repeating the correct answer. The little girl responds with a swift kick to the nuts and runs off."

For that meltdown on a child, he deserved what he got.  

Dear Madame Zoltar

Unfortunately, Madame Zoltar is feeling under the weather today.
Her column should reappear next week. 


A friend posted this on facebook and I felt obligated to share here.

Open Blog - Wednesday

Thank you. A wonderful Wednesday to everyone!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Fantasy Football Breaking News!

Urgent Fantasy Football news. We need one more team to be able to draft, and that team needs to join today. We have to have our draft done my midnight tonight to start playing. If you know of anyone who would like to play, please email me @ so I can get them an invite and set up so we can draft. Come on all you irregulars, ya know you want in!

Open Blog - Tuesday

Have a peaceful and productive day.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Here's a groaner

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, an Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, an Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolia Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, an Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans,  walk into a very fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maƮtre d', after scrutinizing the group..........

"You can't come in here without a Thai. "

Open Blog - Labor Day

Enjoy the holiday.