Thursday, February 12, 2009


A new element was discovered: Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 100 assistant neutrons, 435 deputy neutrons, and 10000 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 10536.

These 10536 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


hale-bopp said...

That is a classic...and as it so happens, it celebrate its 20th Anniversary in January of 2009. Obviously a classic.

I got this forwarded to me on the internet before most people even knew there was an internet :)

kkdither said...

If only it wasn't so true. I'm pretty sure some of this element has been laying around RUSD!

Anonymous said...

Good one!

SER said...

20 years...way to good!

OrbsCorbs said...

20 years, and it's new to me.

Lizardmom said...

I've never read or heard it before, it's really good and frighteningly too true :(