Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my cherry blossoms! How are you? Less than a week and March is already here. Can spring be far behind? Like many of you, I like to dig in the soil, too. It’s just that I prefer to do it at night.

Another candidate has thrown her hat into the ring for Racine’s mayor. And quite a circus ring it has become. In light of this information, and the barrage of misinformation that the other candidates will unleash on the unsuspecting public, I have decided to devote more of my blogging to my campaign for mayor.

First, to answer the obvious question, no, I do not believe that voting rights should be denied to those receiving public assistance. I am a strong believer in one man or woman, one vote. I also believe in one animal, one vote. They have to live here, too. And maybe one child, one half vote, but I’m not sure yet. I could work on that during my first term in office.

Second, I’d like to address the question of development in Racine, and whether I am for or against more development locally, and what kind of development I am for or against. To which my resounding response is: of course!

Third: crime. Fourth: against it.

Fifth, taxes, taxes, taxes. Whenever anyone raises the topic of taxes, I say, “No thanks, I’ve had enough.” I strongly believe that the city should use whatever resources it has at its disposal to generate revenue. Why haven’t we been selling bottled Racine Purified Water® all these years? ("Straight from the 'bubbler!'") Why doesn’t the city have its own lottery? Why don’t we have a floating casino in the harbor? That would get the marina and downtown hopping. Why aren’t there video poker machines in City Hall? Why doesn’t the city open its own payday loan stores, muscling the undesirables out of business? Why? Why? Why?

Sixth, education. No thanks, I’ve had enough.

Seventh, jobs, jobs, jobs. Please see my answer to Fifth, taxes, taxes, taxes.

Eighth, moral fortitude. I am Madame Zoltar, the blood that runs in my veins is semi-royal, and thus my character is almost above reproach.

Ninth, vision. Yes, daily, many.

Finally, tenth, where do I see myself 5 years from now? Ha, wouldn’t you like to know? I’ll tell you for 5 bucks.

Don’t forget to email your thoughts on the issues of the day as well as your personal quagmires to:

It is so wonderful to blog with you all again. I do love being a member of this site. Thank you for making me feel at home. I have made my personal blessing an extra added benefit of membership in the JT Irregulars. This is a limited time offer. Void where prohibited.

See you later, alligators.


SER said...

Madame Zoltar,

In your “’Second”, you would like to address the question of development in Racine. Does this include the “Round-a-bout” in front of city hall?

I for one think it is a novel idea. No waiting at stop signs wasting costly fuel and increasing pollution.

As mayor, you should push for this extremely hard. Just think of the beauty it will add to the area. Each year taxpayers could dump heaps of money into it. It’s a win win situation for Racine. Each year new fancy flowers will be needed. It puts people to work growing the flowers, people to work planting, people to work maintaining the area. You would be a hero for creating jobs in this stressed economy. And most important, you will be following in the steps of our great former mayor and continuing with his dream of beautifying Racine!

kkdither said...

I have this feeling that generating revenue for the city would be second nature for you, Madame.

We value that added benefit of your personal blessing and are extrememly grateful.

AvengingAngel said...


Will there be a crystal ball in City Hall? We've previously had balls in city hall, but they were very small. What's your call?

Anonymous said...

Mdm Z
Do you have any bumperstickers yet?
And another question: Why didn't YOU run for President?

Anonymous said...

Mr. SER, yes, roundabouts play a big part in my campaign. I love the idea of spinning things around and around and around, and where they come out, nobody knows. That will be one of the themes of my administration.

I also think that taking chic ideas completely out of context and applying them to incongruous situations in Racine is a hallmark of being progressive. If I'm elected, I promise to continue Mr. Becker's practice of traveling the country and abroad, looking for solutions that don't fit Racine's problems to apply here. That's the least I can do for my fellow citizens.

Ms. kk, thank you for your kind words.

Mr. AA, it would take a lot of balls to elect me to the office of mayor. I wonder if Racine has them? ;)

Mr. logjam, no, I don't have bumper stickers yet, but you've got me thinking. What would be a good slogan? I didn't run for president because I thought I should start out small first. Once I am mayor of Racine and the people of this great country see what I can do, I'm sure there will be draft for me in the next presidential election.

kkdither said...

Here's a couple.

Zeal, Zest... Zoltar!

A newt in every pocket and a flying carpet in every garage.

Zoltar, not Kosher.