Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my Chilly Willies!  How are you?  Welcome to the deep freeze.  Tomorrow is supposed to be even worse, with a high of zero.  Compared to last winter, of course, this is nothing, but I’m complaining anyway.  Stop the madness!  Raise the temperatures!  Somebody do something. Open the doors and windows of City Hall and let all the hot air out.  That alone should raise us ten degrees.  The Zoo should burn all the animal feces that they can for heat: And how about letting some of those deserted homes in the ghetto burn down instead of “saving” them?  The Fire Department should be on hand to see that the fires don’t spread.  Too cold for you?  Torch your neighbor’s house.

We have now officially entered the spring election period.  Expect to be bombed with expensive mailings from various candidates and robocalled every few hours.  Watch the mud fly and the candidates lie.  Just when you think no one could sink any lower, a candidate, or staff member, will.  I’m sorry that I have such a dim view of politics and politicians, but I didn’t start out that way.  Decades of lies molded my view.

I am going to make an endorsement in the Mount Pleasant President race. Madame Zoltar endorses Mr. Jerry Garski for Mount Pleasant President.
Wasn’t Gleason a comedian?  And a damned good one at that.

Once again the “strange strangeness” of Señor Zanza rears its head.  This happens at every polling place that Señor Zanza has taken me to.  I always ask if he’s coming in with me and he always says no.  I tell him that he can register on the spot, but he says no.  When I ask why, he mumbles something about a governmental misunderstanding.  A “governmental misunderstanding” like “I’m a felon and can’t vote.”?  He never wants to discuss the matter further and always distracts me with a fine dinner after I’ve voted.  Unfortunately, food is my weakest point.  I love good food.  Too much, I’m sure my doctor would say.

Thank you, my dears, for visiting my blog today.  I love each and every one of you.  All of you. Even the people who hate me.  They need my love the most.  Thank you for taking time from your busy day to share a few moments with me.

Is it OK to tie politicians who have robocalled you into a chair and force then to listen to their sales pitches for the next twenty-four hours, with ear buds/headphones taped to their heads at maximum volume?  How about at minimum volume?  Ask:

Thank you to all the nameless crossing guards all over the city who stand out there in the cold protecting our children.  If you know one, thank him/her.  Winter conditions remain, obviously, so be careful when driving or walking.  Look out for the other guy because oftentimes he doesn’t give a buffalo chip about safety.  I’ll see you next week, God willing.


kkdither said...

I don't believe there are any visitors to our page who don't love you, Madame.

Yes, the crossing guards are worthy of praise. They take abuse from the cliental they serve, rude and dangerous drivers, and from the environment which they are subject. They also make very little in income. Wave or smile if you regularly drive past them to show your appreciation for serving our little ones.

OrbsCorbs said...

How do you become a crossing guard? Is it a city or RUSD job?

kkdither said...

Not a RUSD job. I was told it is a city posting.

SER said...

talking about crossing guards, i saw one yesterday standing on the corner stomping his feet and walking back and forth to keep warm.

the job is posted every year just like the life guards for the lake.

I could be a life guard if they gave me a jetski.

Actually all our life guards should have jetskis. What's the cost of a jetski compared to the cost of one life?