Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Icicle!  How are you?  Frozen?  Thawing out?  In bed under the covers?  That's where I'd like to be.  It's supposed to be so cold today that your blood will freeze.  If you have to go out, dress in layers and cover your head.  I hope that your car starts.  The same goes for your heart.  We're supposed to set a record today for cold.  Oh boy, a record.

The snow yesterday kept me at home.  I had an eye doctor appointment, but the clinic was closed.  Good.  So were a lot of other places.  All of a sudden, we're getting a real winter.  The scientists blame this on the polar vortex breaking into three pieces, with one settling over North America.  It got so warm in Antarctica that it broke up the polar vortex.  Everything is messed up climate-wise.  There's land being exposed in Antarctica that hasn't been seen in 120,000 years.  What will archeologists find there?

When will the polar vortex retreat?  Some say not for two months.  Oh my.

Junior and Señor Zanza shoveled us out yesterday.  I have to keep reminding Señor Zanza that he's not as young as Junior and he should let Junior do the majority of the work.  Junior is at that age when you're bulletproof.  Señor Zanza shouldn't try to compete with Junior.  Let the kid work.

The resignation of Judge Rebecca Mason came as a surprise.  Many are saying that she did it because her husband, Mayor Butterball Mason, is mayor and there was a conflict of interest.  I'm not so sure.  I trust no one in local government.  We'll see what develops.

And Lee Enterprises is buying Kenosha News.  My crystal ball remains cloudy on this.  Maybe it's the polar vortex.  In any case, I'm not sure if this is good, bad, or irrelevant to the Racine and Kenosha populations.  I don't know that much about the Kenosha News, but I pity its poor, dedicated readers.  They're in for a shock as the "Lee Effect" takes hold.

Here's a good one from Kenosha News: "Security video from man's home captures him breaking into neighbor's house"  I love it when idiot criminals unknowingly turn themselves in.  Like all the clowns on Facebook who post the loot and guns from their last hit.  RPD has someone checking local social media for evidence of crime.  Apparently, a lot of criminals just can't help themselves.  Yay.  Keep it up.  The police love it, too.

Here's a poem by  Lawrence Hall
from Dec. 2018:

A Polar Vortex Nightmare 

I saw a polar vortex in my dream
Drinking his coffee with sugar and cream
Then water skiing on the warm gulf stream –
He seemed to plan, he seemed to plot, to scheme

I tried to wake, I tried to warn, to scream
But wait – now just what is this wild dream’s theme?
Why was my sleep all night a mental steam?
My dream was confused, for this was the meme:

My gutter ball alienated my team

And so

I saw a bowler vortex in my dream

I don't know if I like it or not.  Well, it's more than I could do.  I think.

I love all of you "guys."  I really do.  Stay warm.

Be very careful in this subzero snap.  Dress properly.  Better yet, don't go out.  I'm sure that exposed flesh would start to freeze almost instantly.  Besides leading to amputation in extreme cases, frostbite makes the affected areas more susceptible to cold from there on.  So avoid it.  Take care of yourselves.
Please donate:  If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

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