From the Wisconsin Gazette:
News with a twist
Not so fine cutPolice in Madison arrested a hairstylist for giving a man a Larry Fine hairdo that he didn’t request — as if anyone would want such a cut. The 22-year-old victim told police the stylist, who pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, told him to stop fidgeting. Then the stylist clipped the man’s hair in Three Stooges fashion, so to speak.
Make America Gay AgainVice President Mike Pence’s neighbors hung a “Make America Gay Again” banner outside the Aspen-area residence here he was vacationing, The words were written on a rainbow flag hung on a stone pillar that sits at the end of the driveways to both homes. Pence is a notorious homophobe.
Cutting medical wasteThe medical license of a New Jersey surgeon was temporarily suspended after he was caught reusing disposable anal catheters on multiple patients. State officials claimed to have evidence that colorectal surgeon Sanjiv Patankar used five catheters to perform 82 procedures requiring them.
Big brother is watchingRussian president Vladimir Putin says he wants to monitor social media in his country ahead of the next presidential election in order to assess how involved his people are with domestic politics. That’s more than a little scary when you consider how his political rivals have a way of disappearing.
Pizza for the alt-rightJohn Schnatter, the controversial right-wing founder of the Papa John’s pizza chain, is stepping down as CEO. He came under criticism for comments he made about the NFL’s handling of anthem protests. Schnatter, however, admitted no wrongdoing. He blamed “poor leadership” at the NFL for his corporate woes. Meanwhile, white supremacists vowed to make Papa John’s the official pizza of the alt-right.
Never trust a T-shirtA suspect wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with “Trust Me” allegedly stole a car in Fairfax County, Virginia.
She couldn’t stop laughingA Washington-state-based cannabis producer called Sugarleaf created a strain of weed named “Monica Lewinsky.” Lewinsky was amused. She tweeted out a photo of the hybrid marijuana in a jar, accompanied by a series of eye and hand-pointing emojis.
Hoaxes he takes seriouslyDonald Trump is not betting his golf courses on his stated belief that climate change is a Chinese hoax. Managers of his golf resort in Ireland fought over a year for permission to build two seawalls to prevent rising water from eroding part of the property.
That’s a lot of bulls—Police converged on Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin’s Bel Air home after a suspicious package addressed to him from “the American people” was found in a neighbor’s driveway. But the LAPD bomb squad discovered the contents were nothing more dangerous than a pile of manure. There was also a Christmas card that made negative references to Mnuchin, President Donald Trump and the new $1.5 trillion tax bill.
Food fiascosTwo headlines recently caught our attention: “Burnt bagel blamed for St. Louis airport evacuation” and “Fruitcake package temporarily halts Seattle ferry service.” In St. Louis, authorities said a bagel burned at a Terminal 2 restaurant set off smoke detectors at Lambert Airport, forcing 300 to 400 people to evacuate and requiring passengers to repeat the security check. In Seattle, the bomb squad was called to the ferry terminal after authorities were notified of a suspicious package — a gift-wrapped item that turned out to be a fruitcake — placed under a Christmas tree in the pedestrian waiting area. Now there’s a lesson about Christmas decorations in public places.
Derrieres at ‘Dawn’Two U.S. tourists were arrested in Thailand for public indecency after taking a “butt selfie” at Bangkok’s Wat Arun or Temple of the Dawn. The men, arrested at the airport in Bangkok, are frequent travelers who were posting “butt selfies” to “traveling butts,” an Instagram account with 14,000 followers. But don’t bother to look, as that particular account has been deleted.
More sophisticated selfiesThe Tea Terrace in London is serving Selfieccinos — hot chocolates or cappuccinos with selfies on the froth. Customers send selfies via an app to the barista, who uses a “Cino” machine to reproduce the images onto froth with a flavorless food coloring. Probably it’s only a matter of time before someone sends in a “butt selfie” to top off the java.