Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my sprung springsters! How are you? Are you enjoying the exhilarating weather? It’s just incredible. It’s just fantastic. It’s just awesome. It’s also a pain in the butt to some people: “Wisconsin maple producers endure worst year in memory,” The sap runs sweet until the buds show. Well, guess what the warm weather is doing? The maples are budding early and the sap is bitter. I’m sure this “wonderful” winter will have its economic effects upon us. For one, real maple syrup just went up in price. If any of the vegetables or fruit that are budding now get caught in a late season freeze, who knows what the damage will be? Oh my.

I hope everyone has recovered from their Saint Patrick’s Day revelry. One of the last things I remember is partying with Señor “O’Zanza” at a bar in Milwaukee when things got rowdy. They closed the bar down early and I don’t remember whose idea it was to astral project to Ireland, but it was a dumb one. There’s not much more that I remember, or want to talk about publicly, except to say to the mayor of Dublin, “‘International incident,’ my arse!” Oh dear. O’Dear.

I received an email this week from Mr. Tricky Dicky. He wrote:

Dear Madame Zoltar,

My friend Wayne is filming a movie called "Go-Go Girls vs. the Nazis! It's a tribute to Russ Meyer - and he could use additional actresses. He needs ladies with Big Gazongas! How do you look in a Bikini, and would you be willing to flash the camera?

Tricky Dicky

Dear Mr. Tricky Dicky, thank you for your interest in me regarding a role in a movie. Of course, this is hardly the first time I have been offered a part, usually a leading role. In any case, I don’t have any recent photos of me, but I do have the snapshot at right, taken a few years ago when I was out with Mr. OrbsCorbs, before I met Señor Zanza. I’ve probably put on a few pounds since then (as has Mr. OrbsCorbs), but I think I have a decent shape for a young-thinking late middle-aged girl.

This must be the movie you are talking about: Señor Zanza and I look forward to seeing it. Junior, of course, will stay home.

Finally, a big congratulation to Mr. Art Howell, the new Police Chief of Racine:
Good luck, Chief! You’re going to need it.

Thank you my dear, dear readers for taking the time to read my blog today. I look forward to our Wednesday get-togethers. Visitors (from all realms and planets) are welcome at “Dear Madame Zoltar.” I hope you enjoy yourselves and I look forward to seeing you again.

Still feeling green around the gills from last weekend? Antidotes, advice, and more:

Enjoy spring, Irregulars and regulars alike. Get outdoors and get going. If it’s this warm now, we may be complaining about the heat soon. It’s Wisconsin – enjoy what weather you can, while you can. Supraliminal!


jedwis said...

Hi my dear Mme Z...You can tell your friend,"Tricky Dicky" that name is reserved for my pal Richard and that gazongas is not a word.

OrbsCorbs said...

That picture brings memories of the good old days. :-(

TSE said...

Gazongas is so a WORD! The urban dictionary sez so!

Show Them to Me! (famous movie Gazongas - R-rated!)


OrbsCorbs said...

I tried to look up gazongas on and it led me to "gazinkus:"
a gadget.

SER said...

Too bad he don't need gory pictures, I have a few of them and they are real.

Actually I just took some yesterday to compare to the ones a month ago....It still looks wicked!

kkdither said...

Gesundheit... I think. Wow, madame. That is some bikini shot.

The powers that be are saying that the video of trouble on Water Street was only an isolated incident. Have you noticed lately that their police chief always chips in and says that - once they get caught in the act? They don't want to soil their image and scare the almighty dollar away from their city's coffer.

Anonymous said...

I don't normally respond to words like gazongas. It's not lady-like. However, Mr. Tricky Dicky was nice enough to send me an email and, I believe, he is new here.

Ms. kk, like I said, I've put on some pounds since then. At least one or two. ;-)

In an email to me, Mr. OrbsCorbs claims that I altered that picture by photoshopping a picture of his head "onto a walrus-bodied asshole." Sorry, Mr. OrbsCorbs, but that walrus body is all yours.