Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my fellow Racinians and expatriates!  How are you?  Fall is definitely in the air.  Some trees and shrubs are already turning colors.  The nights are cool and the days shorten.  Some of nature’s displays can be extraordinarily beautiful.  Still, it means winter is coming with the dreaded s-word.  Oh my.  Don’t go there.  Not until we have to.

Anguish and rending of garments took place all over Wisconsin last Sunday following the loss of our illustrious Green Bay Packers to the Cincinnati Bengals.  Woe and despair tortured the land.  How could this be, especially with the world’s best paid quarterback on the team?  Injuries have ravaged the Packers.  It makes me sad.  This is a bye week for Green Bay.  Their next opponents are the Detroit Lions on October 6.  I hope that our warriors can rest and heal up during the off time.  Take care of yourselves, oh mighty Pack!

To the right are the current standings of the Irregular Football League.  Mr. OrbsCorbs is doing splendidly, and I’m hot on his trail. In the league, I mean.  I asked Señor Zanza to coach a team when the league was signing people up.  He said he was “uncomfortable” with coaching a sport which was foreign to him.  Now if it were soccer, which he calls the “real” football, he said he would obliterate the Orbliterators.  Oh my.

I received an email from the wonderful and witty Mr. SER.  He wrote:
Dear Madame,

With all the terrible flooding going on in the United States is there any way you can do some kind of hoochy coochy thing and direct all the flooding waters into Lake Michigan thus saving the loss of life and millions and millions of dollars damage, and help fill the lake back up?

Oh, Mr. SER, that’s a brilliant idea.  The problem, of course, is Mother Nature.  Whenever I venture onto her turf, the psychotic crack whore (oh my) goes ballistic.  If I tried to reroute the water, she’d have a fit.  I think the best policy with her is to stay away. 

I do various types of “hoochy coochy things,” but that’s usually for Señor Zanza’s private enjoyment.  Oh dear, I’m blushing.

Thank you one and all for stopping by to peruse my scribbling.  It’s a joy to see you.  When I write my blogs, I think of each one of you. 

Hoochy coochy how-to:

Enjoy the days to come.  We should have some time before the s-word arrives.  It’s still September (and all the Halloween decorations are up in the stores).  Watch out for school buses and children.  I love you all.  Lucriferous!


OrbsCorbs said...

Thank you Madame Z. for your illuminating and elucidating blogs.

You can tell Señor Zanza that real men don't run around on a field in their shorts, trying to kick some silly ball. Real men inflict pain and injury upon each other as they smash into each other, over and over.

BL Basketcase said...

Madame... I think you are right about
that mad crack wh@#e... best to leave her be. Laughin' hard.

SER said...

I was hoping you could slip her a bottle of one of your magic potions so she would get her undies all twisted up...thanks anyhow..