Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello to Santa's elves.  You're working your butts off!  A very Merry Christmas to all! OK, we have all the snow we need for a White Christmas.  From here on, it's "No More Snow!  No More Snow!"  Did the Mr. President-Elect make any weather promises?  We need to hold him to the promises he did make.  Some of them, I'd like to hold his neck in my hands to squeeze the truth out of him.

There's the holiday stress, for you.  Peace and love to all men and women.  Sometimes that;s harder to embrace than at other times.  Still, we must try, lest we degenerate ourselves.

The Irregular Football League is already into its final championship:

   
I ended up in fifth place.  Whaa, whaa, whaa!  Well, there's always next year.

The resplendent  Green Bay Packers beat the Chicago Bears on Sunday past in a nail biter finish which ended with a Packers field goal in the dying seconds of the game.  Huzzah, huzzah!  Next, on Christmas Eve, the Packers face the Minnesota Vikings on their turf at noon. Kill one for me, boys!

Locally, I have to comment on the Machinery Row brouhaha.  Will someone please, PLEASE, duct tape Mr. Mayor Lying John's mouth shut.  Another $4.5 million lost.  Not only is Mr. Mayor Lying John a failed mayor, but he's also a failed realtor.  He will not stop hurling our money to the winds until he is stopped.  Where's Superman when you need him?

Junior got his license.  I don't care.  I still won't ride with him when he's driving. Señor Zanza is very proud of his student.  It only took three tries to get it.  He is NOT going to drive my car, so he beter start saving up for his wheels and insurance.

It's hard to believe that it's only four days to Christmas.  Then comes New Year's Day and then it all stops,  Nothing but snow, ice, and cold for two to three months.  I could do without that, but I'd have to move south.  I'd find a place with a great winter attitude, and then sweat all spring, summer, and fall. You can't win.

Well, my readers are winners.  Thank you for stopping by.  I love every last one of you.  You are the gravy on my mashed potatoes.  You taste yummy.

How much more money will Mr. Mayor Lying John lose?  Ask madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

Be careful out there. There's a million ways to hurt yourself in the winter.  Please avoid them.  Take it slow and easy in traffic during storms.  At least turn off your cell phones.  Texting yourself to death is possible when you mix in cars.  I don't want to see any Irregulars hurt.  Watch out for black ice.  Watch out for regular ice.  And watch out for the cold and snow.  We wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.  I love you.

________________________
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If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

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You could donate in the name of that special someone as a Christmas gift.

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You could donate because it's the right thing to do.

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 




___________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at jtirregulars@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

Open Blog - Wednesday

I was hoping it's the first day of spring.

"Sleigh Booze Ring-a-Ding"

From The Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek 4 hours ago

 

 

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So yeah, I’ve been a tad light on the receiving end of Christmas cards this year, what the fock. The other day, the only thing in my mailbox was a letter from an insurance company about their Funeral Advantage Program for seniors. Maybe they know something I don’t, like for me this year it shall be a very bury Christmas, focking swell.

Anyways, since every day’s just another focking holiday to a guy like me, I’m taking the day and heading up over by the Uptowner tavern/charm school—where today is always at least a day before tomorrow, and yesterday may gosh darn well be today—to meet up with the fellas and make some holiday plans. Come along if you like, but you buy the first round. Let’s get going.

Julius: So last year for Christmas I got the wife some doilies for the sofa and a new pair of slippers from Walgreens, but this year I wanted to get her some kind of book ’cause I figure no way in hell can a person read and talk at the same time.

Emil: Christmas comes too soon. Didn’t we just have the baseball World Series, for christ sakes? Christmas should be the Jan. 25, not the Dec. 25. It would make the winter shorter. And after New Year’s, you can always find a used, free tree in an alley somewhere.

Herbie: You see where the Brewers signed a new first baseman who played the last couple, three years in South Korea?

Ernie: South Korea? Cripes, I hope somebody keeps an eye on Hank the Dog when it’s time to prepare a day’s clubhouse meal, ain’a?

Little Jimmy Iodine: I was reading about something called “de-extinction,” where scientists with the DNA and stuff think they can bring back the wooly mammoth, the passenger pigeon and the gastric brooding frog.

Julius: And maybe someday they can bring back Abe Lincoln, what the fock. Wouldn’t he look good in the White House right about now, what the fock.

Ray: You could bring him back but what if he doesn’t want to be a president, again. What if he wants to be a choreographer, or a firefighter? He might say, “Jeez louise, I already freed the slaves, cut me some slack.”

Herbie: I’m pro-science, but you got to admit the scientists aren’t always infallible. Here’s an example: Some scientists decided to do these experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog’s legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked; so they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. Second experiment: They cut off a second leg from the dog, then told the dog to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. So for the third experiment, they cut off another leg from the dog and once more told Fido to go take a walk. But wouldn’t you know, the dog wasn’t able to walk with only one leg.

Ray: No shit, Sherlock.

Herbie: As a result of these three experiments, the scientists hypothesized that the reason the dog could not walk after having three legs cut off was that it had lost its hearing.

Emil: I wish those scientists were here right now to discover who swiped my focking bar change, goddamn it.

Little Jimmy Iodine: Hey, Artie! Over here. Put a load on your keister.

Art: Hey gents. What do you hear, what do you know.

Ernie: I hear we all better start to learn Russia for when Czar Trump tosses the keys to the country over to Put-Put.

Little Jimmy: And I heard for a 1 million bucks at some auction, you can go hunting with Trump’s sons, what’s-their-names.

Ray: Uday and Qusay? Cripes, with those two oily characters around, who needs a Dakota Pipeline, ain’a?

Julius: Artie, Trump offer you any big-time government job yet?

Art: Hell no. As a longtime presidential candidate, you’d figure I’d be at the top of his list for this or that, but I’ve yet to receive an offer. But I got my fingers crossed that Don makes me an ambassador to somewheres.

Herbie: If not Trump, I hear Putin’s got an opening.

Art: I want to be an ambassador where the main job is to go to banquets, and then the rest of the time you conduct yourself like a regular Santa Claus from America who’s come to some godforsaken part of the world to bring glad tidings of a better way of life, toss some dough around, be nice to the kids and just plain spread a little good cheer each and every day of your term—especially in those places where the people seem that they just can’t get enough of slaughtering each other, what the fock.

(It’s getting late and I know you got to go, but thanks for letting us bend your ear, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.)

Read more:  http://shepherdexpress.com/article-28948-sleigh-booze-ring-a-ding.html

Related:  https://theshepstore.kostizi.com/

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You could donate in the name of that special someone as a Christmas gift.

You could donate to promote real news and real gags.

You could donate because it's the right thing to do.

You could donate just a few dollars.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 




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If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at jtirregulars@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

Open Blog - Tuesday

Happy Tuesday to you, too.

Septic trucks

Submitted by legal stranger:

 

Craptastic!

Christmas Decorations 2016!

Sorry I have not been posting Christmas decorations yet. I really have not been out getting any pictures because I have been busy making my cookies. But I do have some pictures to share with everyone. These pictures are from South Milwaukee.

↫󠀸󠀳Please donate↬

You could donate in the name of that special someone as a Christmas gift.

You could donate to promote real news and real gags.

You could donate because it's the right thing to do.

You could donate just a few dollars.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 




___________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at jtirregulars@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

Open Blog - Monday

I'm used to it . . .

↫󠀸󠀳Please donate↬

You could donate in the name of that special someone as a Christmas gift.

You could donate to promote real news and real gags.

You could donate because it's the right thing to do.

You could donate just a few dollars.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 




___________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at jtirregulars@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

↫󠀸󠀳Please donate↬

You could donate in the name of that special someone as a Christmas gift.

You could donate to promote real news and real gags.

You could donate because it's the right thing to do.

You could donate just a few dollars.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 




___________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at jtirregulars@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

Open Blog - Weekend

Have a good one.

Four for Fridays!

I just hope everyone stays safe this weekend with this goofy weather we are having. Well like everyone says this is Wisconsin for you. Please be very careful and safe if you have to go out today or tomorrow we do not want anything to happen to our JTI family. Here are your questions.

1) Have you made Christmas Cookies past or present time?

2) Do you have plans for Christmas and what are they?

3) Have you ever gone to a restaurant for Christmas dinner?

4) Have you finished your Christmas shopping?

Have a safe and great weekend 

Open Blog - Friday

And this blog was on time for once.

Top 10 Media Thursdays

Open Blog - Thursday

Thrive, or else!

Dear Madame Zoltar

Unfortunately, Madame Zoltar felt ill yesterday and today, so she couldn't finish her blog.  We all wish her a speedy recovery.  Remember, she loves us all.  Hope to see your blog again next week, Madame Zoltar.

__________________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you

Open Blog - Wednesday

If you say so.

"Frosted Flake"

From Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek 1 hour sgo

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh man manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, a hearty “thank you” I’m sending to my faithful reader Ingrid Mae for the fabulous holiday card, and, yes, “libate” I shall, ding dong merrily be high.

Hey, I got something for you’s, slightly used, that might come in handy this holiday season. It’s a little story my buddy Little Jimmy Iodine recalled to me some years ago, about a cave that he’d heard at a kid’s YMCA summer camp his parents made him go to when they thought his interest in being a young man and a Christian was slacking. It may be behoovable to pass this story around at one holiday party or another you may find yourself otherwise freeloading at ’cause what better gift to bring than the gift of mirth, ain’a? You just can’t beat the price; I don’t care what kind of gift-giver you are, what the fock.

So it’s springtime and the young bear comes out of his cave. His knees are knockin’ and he’s a wreck—just skin and bones with deep, dark circles under his eyes.

His mother says, “Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were supposed to?”

And Junior the bear says, “HIBERNATE??!? Cripes Ma, I thought you said masturbate!” Ba-ding!

Alright already, yeah, it’s not the best joke in the world so sue me, but I bet you a buck two-eighty there will be at least one knobshine at the office party who will swear it’s the funniest focking joke he’s ever heard, and then proceed to completely screw it up in retelling it to every gal at the party by trying to jazz up the punch line, as in “HIBERNATE??!? Cripes Ma, I thought you told me to jack off!”

And you yourself might even get a good laugh if you stick around the shindig long enough, because by then after a tubful of hot focking toddies, this life-of-the-party jackass will really be on a roll and the punch line will have evolved into near fire-his-ass gibberish: “HIBERVENTILATE??!? You got to be jerking my beefaroni, Ma. I thought you said you wanted me to spank my monkey!” Wait, wait. It gets better. So the mother bear says, “What monkey?” The monkey looks at her and says, “Organ grinder? What do I need an organ grinder for when I’ve got a right paw?” And the bear says to the monkey, “So, I guess you don’t come here just for the hunting, do you?” Ba-ding!

Come to think of it, wild animals engaged in the art of self-administered sexual satisfaction is not exactly come-all-ye-faithful seasonal material, which means you’re still short-handed if you expected to get any “gift of laughter” ideas out of me. So I got another one for you that’s got a little religious flavor to it, always tasty given the significance of the Yuletide:

So these three blondes die in a fiery car crash ’cause when they saw a sign that said “Stop,” they weren’t clear as to what it was they were to stop—what, texting? smoking? staying out late? god, these signs along the road are so vague. Now they’ve arrived at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter tells them they can enter if they answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” And she replies, “No problemo. It’s the holiday on a Thursday when I eat some turkey, then throw up some turkey in the toilet and give thanks.”

“Incorrect,” says St. Peter and asks the second blonde the same question. “Easter is the holiday right before New Year’s when we bring a tree into the house so that we can have presents besides toasting the birth of Jesus.”

St. Peter shakes his head and says, “Not quite.” He turns to the third blonde and asks, “What is Easter?” The third blonde smiles, looks St. Peter straight in the eye and says, “I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus was deceived, made to wear a crown of thorns and was crucified. He was buried in a nearby cave, which was then sealed by a boulder.” 

St. Peter smiles and says, “Yes, very good.” And the blonde says, “Wait, I’m not finished. Every year ever since, the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out. And if he sees his shadow we’ve got six more weeks of winter, which like totally blows.” Ba-ding! 

I hope you don’t avoid regaling your fellow holiday revelers with the above story just because of its religious content. A lot of people feel the religious aspect of Christmas can be a divisive thing, but screw that. This is the time of year to wish for peace on Earth and to generally maintain a positive attitude what the fock, so how ’bout this: If President-elect Orange Circus Peanut and his new buddy Vlad somehow manage to blow up the world before Christmas Day, at least we’ll have a mighty short winter and who can complain about that, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

Read more: http://shepherdexpress.com/article-28904-frosted-flake.html

Related:  https://theshepstore.kostizi.com/

"State vs. Kurt Hanson"

From Racine County Corruption:

 State vs. Kurt Hanson

case # 2014 CF 001506

12-12-2016

Today, the Racine County District Attorney’s Office dismissed the remaining charge(s) against  Kurt Hanson.
 

Kurt Hanson was involved in an altercation on 11-1-2014. Due to a botched investigation by RPD, and their subsequent errors, acts and omissions,  Kurt's dog was subsequently killed by RPD do to the failure of RPD to embrace less than lethal tactics. Read more here:
 

http://justice4angel.blogspot.com/

According to WCCA records, Defense Attorney Wendy S. Paul began representing  Kurt Hanson on 11-13-2015. Attorney Wendy Paul upped her game compared to Kurt's previous legal representation.

In our opinion, the two previous  public defenders (pretenders) were worthless to Mr. Hanson's defense.
 
We believe Attorney's Dirk Jensen and Sally Hoelzel failed to aggressively advocate Kurt Hanson's defense, and further failed to provide adaquate legal counsel, thus unnecessarily prolonging the legal action  against Mr. Hanson.

Since November of 2014, we at RCC have advocated on behalf of Mr. Hanson and his dog Angel.

During this time, we have had several meetings with RPD’s Art Howell and the District Attorney’s office concerning Kurt Hanson’s case and the use of less than deadly force.

 Albeit this dismissal of charges is late in forthcoming, we believe today’s dismissal of the remaining charge(s) against Kurt Hanson by the Racine County District Attorney’s office to be reasonable,  correct and proper action.

Kurt in the aftermath with Angel

http://racinecountycorruption.blogspot.com/2016/12/state-vs.html

Read about a more recent Racine police murder of a dog here: http://journaltimes.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/family-rattled-after-dog-killed-during-warrant-execution/article_87f58cda-064a-5c9e-9a88-b3cc1be023e5.html

Racine police are out of hand.  Until I read the above, I didn't believe that Racine Police shoot animals to get their rocks off, but now I do.  They thibk they're a fucking army and we're the enemy.

I believe that Police Chief Howell doesn't want the public looking into his operation.  I was at a presentation where he lost his cool when Angel's death was brought up.  Goddamned dog killers.   

Open Blog -Tuesday

May all your dreams come true today.

Open Blog - Monday

I don't know. I like my meat.

"Juliana Hatfield - 'Make It Home'"

Make It Home
( My So Called Life Soundtrack )

Hmm..mmm..mmm...
Mmm..mmm...
Mmm..mmm...
Mmm.....
Deepening night, think on a time
All was bright
Here in this dark place, I see in your face
All is not right
Make it, make your way home
Better than the last
Break it, break the alone
Take a second chance
Open a window, let in the snow
Cold is all I know
Go to the fire, stir it around
There's a warmer place for you to go
So, make it, make your way home
Better than you have
Break it, break the alone
Leave it in the past
Oh, look and you'll find it
Someone wants to love you
Look and you'll find it
Someone wants to love you
Wake it, wake your dream
One forgotten me
Sleepin' deep inside o' you Heavenly peace

Written by Juliana Hatfield • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group

Open Blog - Weekend

A million dollars.

Four for Fridays!

Good morning everyone I hope you are staying nice and warm inside. I was just out taking Drew to work and it is really cold outside.Here are your questions.

1) Are you ready for the temperature to drop down into the teens next week?

2) How are you doing with the snow so far?

3) Are you ready to hibernate for the winter?

4) When you do go out in the winter how many layers of clothes do you end up putting on?

Have a great weekend and stay warm.

Open Blog - Friday

It's Pearl Harbor Day:

Top 10 Media Thursdays

Open Blog - Thursday

Have a great day.

"NASA live stream - Earth From Space LIVE Feed | Incredible ISS live stream of Earth from space"

Very soothing.

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my elves!  How are you?  What did you think of the snow we had on Monday?  It snowed all day, but never came down too hard.  By Tuesday, most of it was gone.  That was a good practice run for winter driving.  Please drive carefully in the snow and slush.  And the ice soon to come.  I try very hard to avoid road ragers and other goofs who insist upon driving the speed limit (or higher) no matter how bad conditions are.  We've all seen the tragic results of driving too fast in winter conditions.  What is it with these people?  Do they think that they're invulnerable?

I lost control on the ice once while making a turn.  I hit the curb and the car ended up with a front wheel buckled in.  I don't remember what it cost, but it took about a week to repair it.  I was doing well and had good insurance.  Everything was covered, even a rental car to drive until my car was repaired.  I ended up with a Ford Focus.  Puh-leez!  No wonder I hate cars today.  Just wait.  We're on the verge of driverless cars being loosened upon the populace.  I hope I've stopped driving by then.  And don't get me going about roundabouts!  I hate those things.

The Irregular Football League is already in its playoffs:

I'm playing against Mr. OrbsCorbs.  We'll see who advances and who stays behind.

As for the Green Bay Packers,  they won one this Sunday past, taming the Houston Texans.  This coming Sunday, the Packers face the Seattle Seahawks at 3:25 pm in Seattle.  Good luck, our Road Warriors.  Just knock them down, one at a time.  Knock them down.

From The Journal Times.com: "Saturday free parking OK'd for Downtown, Uptown and West Racine." http://journaltimes.com/news/local/saturday-free-parking-ok-d-for-downtown-uptown-and-west/article_7c172eb8-64ad-5f5c-a82c-60508c7cfe39.html Some of the merchants say this will be abused by residents of the areas and/or employees.  Another great idea not thoroughly thought through.  The whole parking meter mess should be removed.  It's just another way to tax you for a road you've already paid for.  Given the state of city finances, I don't think we'll see parking meters coming down soon.  Mr. Mayor Lying John Dickert needs every cent he can scrape up.

Also  from The Journal Times.com: "Family rattled after dog killed during warrant execution" http://journaltimes.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/family-rattled-after-dog-killed-during-warrant-execution/article_87f58cda-064a-5c9e-9a88-b3cc1be023e5.html  I know we shouldn't rush to judgement, but if this played out the way the story tells it, they should sue the snot out of the police and the city.  My God.  It reads like a horror story.  Which frickin' judge authorized the warrant?  Racine just keeps crapping its pants.

Well, thank you dears for reading my blog today.  The more, the merrier.  I love my readers and they love me.  If only we could see each other in person.

Thanks again for reading.  Let me know what you think: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

Button up, my babies, it's getting cold outside.  Be careful, be careful, be careful.  I love you all and I don't want to see anyone hurt. Take your time.  That's the way I go.


__________________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

Open Blog - Wednesday

I feel like that both before and after coffee.

Ball point pens

Submitted by legal stranger:

When NASA started sending astronauts into space they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, Congress approved a program and NASA scientists spent a decade and over $165 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.  

The Russians used a pencil... 

Your taxes are due again in April.

Open Blog - Tuesday

Let's make it a good one.

Open Blog - Monday

Some of those characters are a little odd.

"'WHITE CHRISTMAS' - Bing Crosby"