Open Blog - Weekend

Stay cool!

Four for Fridays!

It had been a really crazy week with the heat, humidity and the rain. Up north had tornado's and a lot of flooding. We will not see no relief from the humidity until next week. I hope everyone is staying somewhere that is nice and cool.

1) What are your plans for Father's Day?

2) Do you have to travel for Father's Day?

3) Do you remember one very special gift you gave to your Dad?

4) Did your family make a special day for your Dad?

Have a great weekend!

Open Blog - Friday

"I'm picking up those good vibrations."

OK, Spectrum or TWC or Whoever the Hell You Are

Bump.  I had two technicians over here.  Check my comment.

I called Spectrum today with an internet connection problem.  The guy said he had to reboot my modem.  That knocks me offline until the reboot is completed.  He said, "Talk to you in 15 minutes."  That was over two hours ago.

This is the second major problem I've had since upgrading to Windows 7.  Actually, it was a clean install, so none of the problems on the old operating system should have migrated to 7.

The other thing is that 7 is slower than XP.  It takes 7 longer to perform the calculations necessary to an operation than XP did.  I find that very demoralizing.

"10 Dark Secrets Brands Don't Want You To Know"

Open Blog - Thursday

Cool font.

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my sons and daughters of anarchy!  How are you?  Summer has arrived a week early around here: hot as hell and raining like crazy.  These are the perfect condition for your garden plants.  Unfortunately, they're also the perfect conditions for weeds.  We've had so much rain and more is in the forecast. Oh boy. The farmers must be using drones to plant their crops.  It's a muddy mess.  Did you know that some seeds have to pass through the stomach acids of birds before they become fertile.

As I write this, some members of a  Republican baseball team were shot this morning.  I  decry this cowardly act unless we get to take shots at the Democrats, too.  This is just further evidence of the decline of our society.  I knew they would start shooting elected officials, it was just a matter of when.  Look for shooters to go after bigger targets.  Mr. Trump, watch your ass.  You might wake up to terrorists in the White House soon.  They won't be impressed with your huffing and puffing.  Most of is aren't.

I was sorry to read that Mr. OrbsCorbs continues to have computer problems even after upgrading his operating system.  It just makes me that much more squeamish about updating my system.  I'll probably buy a new computer instead.  I'll just have to borrow a thousand dollars from Senor Zanza.  Ha-ha!  When hell freezes over.  When I die, I want them to bury my computer with me.  Or at least the hard drive.  I don't want any Zoltar secrets being made known.

Look at this:



Cats stuck on the top of a bank. I bet they're tunneling in. I hate Chase, dear kittens, so please destroy the place for me.  From the story:

"On Tuesday, El Segundo Animal Control and city fire department officials tried and failed to rescue three kittens that have been stranded on the roof of a Chase Bank for nearly two months.

"For weeks, volunteers from three separate animal rescue groups have been going at night to feed the kittens by tossing food up to the roof of the building, located on Sepulveda Boulevard in El Segundo.

"The bank, which is leasing the building, said the property manager has been denying roof access to everyone thus far due to liability concerns — except for fire department officials, who first responded Tuesday but were unable to locate the kittens"

Source: http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/kittens-stranded-on-roof-428308033.html?_osource=taboola-recirc#ixzz4jzbQelAW

O my,. are these cat burglars? Better get the cops after them, too. Meow.

I hope the week to come is grand for you.  It's going to be warm and wet, but that's wonderful compared to freezing temps and snow.  Go out and have a blast.

 

Contact Mme. Zoltar: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

I love my readers, each and every one of you.  Be careful, but enjoy the freedom of the warmer temps.  Maybe we'll meet on the jogging track.  And maybe hell will freeze over.

Open Blog - Flag Day

Old Glory is a beautiful flag.

"Bloom or Bust"

From the Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek

 

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? And yes, I hear we got Father’s Day coming up this Sunday and I’ll tell you’s, with the bad rap fathers have got in the press and on the TV for far too long, I’m surprised the day is celebrated at all. Cripes, why don’t they just go ahead and change Father’s Day to Deadbeat Dad’s Day, or Workaholic Dad-You’re-Never-Around-The-Focking-House-When-We-Need-You Day, what the fock.

And yes, I’m too busy to serve up an essay here again this week. Foremost, I’m about to leave for the Uptowner tavern/charm school where me and the fellas shall gather to make our Polish Fest plans for the weekend. Yeah yeah, perhaps “she’s too fat for me,” but you can bet your buck two-eighty that never not ever is “she too drunk for me,” you betcha.

And yes, I am reminded that June 16 is to celebrate the 113th anniversary of the novelistic day that took an Irish guy by the name of James Joyce practically 10 million pages and who knows how many gallons of whiskey to write about, lo, those years ago—perhaps the greatest focking novel nobody’s never not ever read all the way through.

And yes, I’m reminded of a little story:

Once upon a time and a very good time it was, there was an Irishman, an Italian and a Polish guy in a tavern, sitting around and enjoying a couple, three rounds of cocktails. James, the Irishman, says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At Lucky’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and Lucky himself will buy your third drink!” The others agree that it sounds like a nice place.

Then Dante the Italian guy says, “Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Pozzo’s. At Pozzo’s, you buy a drink, Pozzo buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Pozzo buys you another drink.” They all agree that also sounds like a very great bar.

Then the Polish guy, let’s call him Kumbalek, says, “You’s guys think that’s great? In my neighborhood, there’s this place called Godotski’s. At Godotski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then they take you in the back and get you some action!”

The other two guys are smithied with wonderment. “That’s fantabulous! Did that actually happen to you?” they want to know. And Kumbalek, the Polish guy, says, “No, but it happened to my sister!” Ba-ding!

And yes, then later, Kumbalek approached a lady named Didi wouldn’t you know, sitting solitary at the end of the bar. A man of direct address, Kumbalek said he’d been waiting to meet an attractive gal such as she was, and told her he’d like to get into her pants, if that were to be copacetic. Didi says, “No thanks, there’s an ass in there already.” Ba-ding-ding-ding!

And yes, about the state of today’s health care: Guy goes to the doctor. Doctor says, “I have some bad news, and some very bad news.” The guy says, “Might as well give me the bad news first, I guess.” Doctor says, “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.” Guy says, “24 HOURS! You got to be jerking my beefaroni. So what the fock’s the very bad news?” Doctor says, “I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.” Ba-ding!

And yes, if you are to see dear old dad come Sunday you’re too focking cheap to spring for a gift for the old fart, how ’bout you bring him a nice little story?

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Molly, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”

“Very good, Molly,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Stephen.

“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.

“Excellent, Stephen!” Then, the teacher called on little Leo.

“Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my dad that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful. That’s just FOCKING beautiful!’” Ba-ding!

And yes, of fathers, of sons, this time of year, I’ll be seeing you, as the song goes, in all the familiar places, in every lovely summer’s day, I remember you, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek, and I told you so.

 

From: http://shepherdexpress.com/article-29904-bloom-or-bust.html

Open Blog - Tuesday

Mmm, tacos.

Open Blog - Monday

That "again" says it all.

Happy Birthday, Drew!

We hope that you have a great day.

Open Blog - Weekend

Try to keep in the race.

Four for Fridays!

Well the warm weather has finally come and now I hear everyone complaining it is to warm. This weekend it is going to be around 90 degrees so I may finally be putting the a/c on. It has been warm but no need for the a/c with the breeze we have been getting. Here are your questions.

1) What is your favorite wildflower?

2) If you have a favorite type of tree what kind is it?

3) Do you go out to look at the wildflowers?

4) Have you ever taken a picture of the wildflower or tree that you like?

Have a great weekend!

Open Blog - Friday

Who doesn't?

"Top 10 Demolitions GONE WRONG!"

Open Blog - Thursday

Isn't State Farm a little staid to be sponsoring this?

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my dear friends!  How are you? I've been trying to help Mr. OrbsCorbs with his new operating system and my heed is spinning.  He has weeks worth of things to do now. I think what happens is that the overall task is staggering so it's best to take it in small pieces.  Poking around some old IDs apparently got someone at Google angry.  Tough poop.

And this is only Windows 7.  They're already up to Windows 10.  I'll be dead before I get

through that.  The technology drives the young, but when you get older, you find you don't need the speed or connections you once did.  I'd rather have a warm foot bath than the latest computer

Of course I get neither

Damn, now I'm having trouble formatting what I write

Junior has started his own lawn mowing company  Look, I'm sorry but there's something wrong with this blog the formatting back here is almost senseless.

I'm sorry I can't continue with all of my periods going to the start of the sentence.

Mr. OrbsCorbs, straighten it out!. 
 ...

Open Blog - Wednesday

I don't get too wired anymore.

"On Wiscovfefe"

From the Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek  5 hours ago

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? Listen, kind of got my hands full here, so I’ll start you off with two, maybe three, little stories from my buddy Ray while I check on the progress of a couple, three ice-cube trays I’d like to harvest. What a life that guy leads:

[Cocktail glasses, please]

So I’m sitting next to this older woman at the tavern last night. She looked pretty dang good for being 60, I kid you not, and I would’ve bet that if she had a daughter, she’d be a real dish, too. So we’re going to order another round and she asks me if I ever had a “sportsman’s double.” Never heard of it, so she tells me it’s a mother-daughter threesome. Holy cow, if the daughter is a forty-years-younger version of this gal, I really ought to try a “sportsman’s double,” what the fock. So we go back to her place, she flips on the hall light and shouts upstairs, “Ma! You awake? Company!!!” Ba-ding!

[Cocktail glasses, please]

I know a married couple who both lost their jobs at this broom factory Up North there, and were having a hard time finding new jobs ’cause our Republican state sucks for jobs.

And to boot, the couple’s mounting credit card debt required some immediate income. The wife suggested that she could whore herself out, but her husband was less than thrilled about that idea. But financial necessities along with a less-than-swinging economy got the best of her, and she went behind her husband’s back to go whoring.

One night, she came back with a huge wad of cash and came clean to her husband about how she had earned it, adding that desperate times required desperate measures. Sure, he was upset, but curious as to how much she made. “I made $398.10,” she said. “Who the heck paid ten cents?” the husband asked. “Everybody,” she said. Ba-ding!

[Cocktail glasses, please]

So I’m at this wedding ’cause you know, it’s June. The guy and gal are standing at the altar, about to get pronounced by the pastor, when the bride-to-be looks at her soon-to-be groom and sees that the knucklehead has a set of golf clubs with him.

“What in the world are you doing with those golf clubs in church?” she says.

“Well,” he says, “this isn’t going to take all afternoon, is it?” Ba-ding!

[Cocktail glasses, please]

OK, I’m back. So, as I was going to say, if you listen to the Speaker of the Crapola Paul Ryan yammer about the Republican tax-cut budget and their health-care notion that includes everything you’d want except health care, you’d have to believe that if these head-cheese proposals were to see legislative light of day, we’d all be living on Easy Street ’cause when you eliminate taxes for rich jackasses and any kind of government spending, everybody wins, ain’a? What the fock, and if you’re poor, sick and/or elderly, you better start playing the lottery if you expect to have a pot to pee in, focking loser.

And speaking of poor, sick and elderly, I see myself covering that trifecta right around the corner, you bet. But I’m not worried, no sir, ’cause I’m thinking of cooking up a brand-new religion for the people of the world to rally ’round, and soon I’d be a rich guy who didn’t have to pay taxes. I could live with that, and it’s something I’ve been working on whenever I got some spare time, what the fock.

But I’ll tell you’s, dreaming up a religion out of the clear thin blue air is no piece of focking cake. First thing with a religion before you can start collecting money is you got to have a handbook that’s got all kinds of rules, routines and dogma—not to mention dictums—that people need to memorize ’cause you just can’t have people making stuff up as they go along or before you know it they’ll be at each other’s throats.

And yes, the dictums. You got to have good dictums and they goddamn better be set in stone from the get-go, and you know what? You just don’t come up with a bunch of dictums overnight. Dictums are a bitch. I spent all last week considering dictums and I’m still a day late and dollar short on dictums for my religion.

I did come up with three, though: Good deeds; kind words; let a smile be your umbrella. But if that is to be the holy trinity of my own religion, I may as well consider myself already excommuni-focking-cated. What a world.

Perhaps to perform a miracle would be wise, pronto. And so shall I visit the Uptowner tavern/charm school and change a recently donated Hamilton sawbuck into bourbon. God bless America, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

From: http://shepherdexpress.com/article-29859-on-wiscovfefe.html

Fucking New Operating System

I knew that the sign-ins would be the worst.  And they are.  What happened with me is that I got so sick and tired of preparing for the big switch that I finally just said, "Fuckit.  Let's do it," and put the disc in.  I am getting the download speed I was promised.  Everything else is a pain in the ass. I haven't eaten well or slept well for two days.  The diarrhea continues.  My bathroom looks like a shit bomb exploded in it.  And, to be honest, I don't see the advantage of this operating system over XP.

Open Blog- Tuesday

What kind of birds are those, drew?

I'm going absolutely insane with this new computer operating system.  "More difficult" does not mean "better."

Open Blog - Monday

Sorry to be so late with this.  Windows 7 is going to take some getting used to.  The Sheriff hasn't been able to sign in.  So I'm doing it for him.  What a mess. And my diarrhea continues.  There's shit all over the apartment.

"Florida pet detective tracks down missing animals"

From Wisconsin Gazette.com:

Jamie Katz is a registered private eye with a degree in criminology. 

Charles Rabin, Miami HeraldJun 1, 2017 Updated Jun 1, 2017 

 

"Animal lover Jamie Katz, 36, has taken her passion for four-footed friends into the professional realm. Call her Private Investigator Katz. She’s a bona fide pet detective.

"Recently, Katz has helped track down a French bulldog that escaped a yard and a chihuahua stolen from an animal clinic.

"Another French bulldog went missing for 180 days — that’s 3 1/2 dog years — before Katz reunited him with owners earlier this year, a body-wagging reunion in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, that was caught on video.

"'Jamie is sharp. Jamie is amazing,' said Emmanuel Laboy, who got his French bulldog Bella back after two agonizing weeks.

"Katz is a registered private eye with a degree in criminology. She has trained her own dogs to catch the scent of missing pets. But arguably the key to her success is her skill at using new and old media to spotlight her mission.

"Katz’s ability to reunite cats, dogs, parrots and even ferrets with their owners, coupled with a recent surge of positive press, has made her South Florida’s most well-known pet detective. Savvy at gaining attention, Katz isn’t shy about highlighting her name — a serendipitous homonym — to publicize her growing business.

"Since creating her company less than two years ago, Katz said she’s taken on 240 cases and solved 150 of them. Most of the time, she reunites animals that have escaped homes. Stolen pets only account for about 10 percent of her business, she said.

"Last year, Katz received an anonymous call and was soon helping Jasmine Jordan — the daughter of the Chicago Bulls Hall of Famer Michael Jordan — find Mila, her missing Pomeranian Yorkie.

 The case of the stolen chihuahua

 "Earlier in May, Benny, a 4-year-old chihuahua owned by South Miami-Dade veterinarian Juan Fernandez Bravo, was retrieved. Two women and a man had snatched Benny inside the animal clinic as Bravo and others tended to 10 rescued animals. Shortly after Katz got a local television station to air the story, Bravo received a call saying his dog was safe. The dog was returned and Bravo paid a $1,500 reward.

"Maria Bravo, the clinic office manager and wife of the veterinarian, said Benny was missing for eight days. She believes the signs made by Katz and her media savvy led to his return.

"But Bravo was not entirely convinced the person who returned her chihuahua and gladly accepted the $1,500 reward had nothing to do with the dog’s abduction. Bravo said the man who somehow wound up with Benny was too frightened to return him to the animal clinic.

"'He parked far away behind a mall,' she said. 'Me and my husband met him and gave him a check.'

"The case of Brunno the French bulldog, who escaped from his Fort Lauderdale home, dragged on for six months, more than enough time for many missing animal trails to grow cold. But tips after a blast of internet outreach, using community-focused social media sites like Nextdoor.com, led Katz to a home. From there, she surveilled the scene and eventually retrieved Brunno after an exchange of $5,000.

"'I can find anybody,' said Katz. 'I love the research part of it — and I don’t give up.'

  Pet detective from an early age

 "Born in a small town named Sharon about 45 minutes outside of Boston, Katz finished high school in Baltimore. Her tracking interests started when her childhood pet cat Blackjack escaped.

"Katz rode her bike all over town in search of that cat. Years later, she caught a television show called Animal Cops on the Animal Planet channel. From then on, lost pets and how to find them became an imperative.

"'I never found Blackjack,' said Katz. 'My goal in life was then to put animals and investigations together.'

"After grade school, Katz and her dad moved to Baltimore, where she eventually earned a criminal justice degree from a community college. She said she spent the next decade working for pet rescue groups up and down the East Coast. During that time, Katz said began to focus on becoming a professional pet detective.

"Getting a private investigators license in 2014 taught Katz how to do important background checks. For the next 18 months, she worked as an independent contractor searching for animals.

"By September 2015, Katz was finally working on her own. She created P.I. Jamie Katz LLC. Last year, her work got some coverage on public radio. But in the last month, things have really taken off. In early May, a Washington Post story about her company spawned a slew of calls. A Broward New Times story two days later — detailing how she solved a fake kidnapping in which a dog was actually eaten by an alligator — raised her profile even higher.

"During an hourlong interview recently, Katz’s cellphone filled with 10 new emails.

 Hiring a P.I.

 "The cost of hiring Katz to find a pet: between $305 and $605, depending on exactly what needs to be done.

"For the minimum, a customer gets bright yellow signs with a picture of the lost or stolen pet that includes a phone number and the amount of any reward. The signs are set up strategically through the neighborhood.

"Katz will spend two weeks following up on any tips.

"Some of her signs, though, have caused problems. Some of Katz’s clients, particularly in Miami-Dade, have been fined in excess of $1,000. Zoning regulators say the signs are not permitted in public areas. They must be placed, with permission, on private property.

"For $605, Katz will put her 3 1/2-year-old Britain Spaniel Gable and her 3-year-old terrier mix Fletcher to work.

"Katz works out of her home, a small apartment just west of downtown Fort Lauderdale that is filled with dog cages and pictures of dogs and cats. The inside of the front door is appropriately scratched up. Her Facebook page is filled with reunion videos.

"Call her cellphone and if she doesn’t answer, the recording is right out of the Jim Carrey comedy Pet Detective: 'This is P.I. Jamie Katz. I’m on another line or on a case.'

"n May, she brought finality to a convoluted search for Bella, Laboy’s French bulldog, which had escaped his Fort Lauderdale home through an open gate April 26. Laboy said not long after he posted a notice on his local Nextdoor site about Bella, a woman contacted him saying she saw the dog for sale on Craigslist.

"After a series of back and forth phone calls, Laboy and Katz showed up at Bella’s new home and bought her back for $360 — the same price paid to acquire the dog. Katz’s fee for her service: A well-spent $405, Laboy said.

"'Jamie guided me through the entire process,' he said. 'It was all about, let’s get the dog back. It was well spent money and I don’t regret it one bit.'

"This is an AP member-exchange story."

From: http://www.wisconsingazette.com/lifestyle/florida-pet-detective-tracks-down-missing-animals/article_12fc081c-470b-11e7-9a3c-ef0e9310c8fd.html

Open Blog - Weekend

Enjoy your weekend.

Four for Fridays!

Hello and I hope everyone is enjoying the nice weather we are having. It is so nice to have the windows open in the house. Here are your questions.

1) Have you finished your spring cleaning?

2) When it is warm outside do you prefer to use the a/c or have windows open?

3) Do you have any allergies when you go outside?

4) What kind of allergies do you have when you go outside?

Have a great weekend!

Open Blog - Friday

Hooray for Friday!

I started studying the running of an auto repair shop at an early age

God, I wish cars were that simple now.

"How to squat like Slav"

I hear so much of my parents' accent in Slav videos.

I'm a proud Slav.  If you don't like it, kiss my tiny Slavic butt.

10 Biggest Wastes of Money in History

Happy Birthday to the JT Irregulars.

We're nine years old today.  We've been through a lot; way more than I ever expected.  Persevere, JTIs.

Open Blog - Thursday

Happy June.

"VALKA TO RIGA with the setting sun (cut bonus footage)"

Riga was my parents' hometown.

Happy First Birthday to "The Real Clubhouse"

Happy Birthday to "The Real Clubhouse."  https://therealclubhouse.blogspot.com/2017/05/happy-birthday-trc.html  It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.  I know that you folks are good at "moving on," but I still feel like I was kicked in the balls yesterday.

I'm also sorry to see one of our Irregulars "defect" to the site. 

Best wishes for your continued success.

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hi, gang!  How are you doing?  As usual, Memorial Day threw me for a loop and I can't remember what day it is.  I love the three-day weekends.  But then I'm lost for a few days.

I can't wait for lying John to leave Racine.  Is there any way we can push him?  He's crazy and I worry about one last humdinger from lying John before he leaves.  He's already conceded the power of the mayor to Amy Connolly, a criminal he brought in just for that purpose.  She must be thrown out, too.  Together these clowns manage about a billion dollars worth of Racine real estate.  When did City Hall become a real estate business?  As soon as lying John took over.  Everything in City Hall is for sale, at the right price.  I wonder what it cost to get the mayor's job?  After lying John has left we get to go through with a sham special election.  God, wouldn't it be nice if our mayor actually was honest and represented us?  Instead, City Hall is an ATM where the entitled can stop and grab all the taxpayer dough they need.They are so obvious about it.  They fear no repercussions from their violation of laws.  In fact, I suspect some are actually promoted for doing an excellent job of stealing our money.

There's been no response from City Hall about my suggestion that we first put up circus tent instead of a brick and mortar arena in order to gauge interest in the spot.  Personally, I'm not a sports fan, but even I would check out the new "arena."  Of course lying John and Amy Connolly would not stand for this.  They insist upon a multi-million dollar project that allows for a wide berth of bribes and kickbacks.  Poo on them!

I was really glad to hear that Mr. drewzeprmeister got pictures of two of his lifetime birds over the weekend.  With the bird migrations, Mr. drew must spend all of his spare time chasing chicks.  How nice that Ms. Tender Heart Bear is so understanding of his hobby. She gets in on it. too, taking nature pictures all of the time.  She also drives so that drew may look for birds.I believe that Ms. THB is owed a huge "thank you" for her efforts at helping friends and relatives.  Mr. OrbsCorbs has told me many times that THB has helped him out. We love you, Ms. THB.  Please don't leave the site.  Or me.

I agree with the Journal Times that the time has come for toll roads in Wisconsin; http://journaltimes.com/news/opinion/editorial/journal-times-editorial-the-time-for-toll-roads-has-arrived/article_f10e19fc-3549-535a-a1aa-500ab0e7d20a.html Our highways are crumbling messes and we don't have the money to maintain them.  Toll roads would supply the necessary cash to get the job done.  Unfortunately, that cash also attracts every felon in city government.  We need someone who will disperse the money honestly.  Decent roads means more tourists. More tourists means more money for local shops.

That's it, kiddos.  It's a remarkably nice day outside, but I must type with my windows closed because someone is  using a chainsaw nearby.  God, that noise is disruptive.  But don't let my bad luck ruin your day.  Get out there and enjoy the fun in the sun.

Matters of great import should be sent to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

As always, watch out for children playing near the street.  Be careful in Racine.  One wrong move might be your last.  I love you all and hope for the best for all of you.  Readers of my blog enter my heart..  That's a good place to be.
__________________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

Open Blog - Wednesday

I hear you.

"Yellow Press Fever"

From The Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek 2 hours ago

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, sorry to say I’m not able to squeeze out a lucid loaf of essay for you’s this week. Instead I’ve got to assess whether or not I got the bile in my belly so as to throw up my hat into the ring to be your next governor here in the great state of Wisgunsin, I shit you not.

I don’t have any big-time dough for the campaign yet, but I’ll tell you what I do have. Vision. Yes, sir. That’s what I got, ’cause if you don’t have vision, what do you got? You got a tin cup and a cane, that’s what you got. What the fock.

I’m supposed to meet with my brain trust over by the Uptowner tavern/charm school. But they’re not open yet, so I’m headed over to my favorite open-daily 23-hours-and-59-minutes restaurant. Come along if you want but you leave the tip. Let’s get going.

Bea: Hey there, Artie, nice to see you. What’s your pleasure?

Art: How ’bout a nice cup of the blackest, thickest and cheapest cup of whatever you’re calling plain-old American coffee today, thank you very kindly. And by thickest, Bea, I mean this coffee ought to come out of a mold, not a pot.

Bea: Coming right up, Artie. And here’s a fork and chisel to go with it. So what do you hear, what do you know.

Art: Went the other day by the doctor’s for a little checkup. He told me, “The best thing for you is to cut out the sweets, the fatty food, give up alcohol and stop smoking.” And I said, “Well sir, not to be overly humble, but I believe that I do not deserve the best. What’s second best?”

Bea: You got to have your health. He write you a prescription, Artie?

Art: That he did. Near novelistic it was, in scope and length. Upon fulfillment, sure to afford some honcho at Pfizer the cost of Mediterranean beachfront property. You ever write anything, Bea?

Bea: I write a shopping list. Every week. Like clockwork.

Art: You betcha. Writing’s hard work—discipline, dedication. It’s a lonely, solitary life. But at least you get to drink on the job; so I guess there’s worse ways to make your buck two-eighty. Anyways, I hear the new season of “Game of Thrones” is starting soon. You ever seen it, Bea?

Bea: Can’t say that I have, Artie.

Art: It’s a medieval fantasy show with kings, knights, incest and piss-ants based on about a hundred books by some guy named George R.R. Martin. It’s focking fabulous, but then you got your hoity-toity knuckleheads who always say: Don’t see the movie, the book is so much better.

Bea: I’ve heard that.

Art: HEYYY! The book is never better than the movie. Cripes, these days, the book costs three times what you fork out for a movie and it takes about five times longer to get through. Take that book Hamlet by what’s-his-name. You spend days reading it and all that happens is everybody sits around talking and then they all get killed one way or another.

Bea: Sounds familiar.

Art: Now, I could write a movie version of Hamlet that the people would say is better than the book. I’d have some snappy one-liners, a car chase with a little gunplay, couple of musical numbers with some stacked chorus gals and, bingo!—boy gets girl in the end, everybody’s happy and it only took 70 minutes, tops, to get to the focking point.

Bea: Is that right, Artie.

Art: Darn tootin’, Bea. People benefit more from the “craft” of writing than they do from the “art” of writing. Regular society benefits more from the writing of a parking ticket than it does from the writing of another weepy, mopey poem. Of course, when you combine craft with art, then everybody wins.

Bea: Really, Artie.

Art: I’m not joking, Bea. Listen: In olden days, when knights were bold, a beloved noble knight was to leave on crusade and called for his trusted squire. “I am leaving on crusade, trusted squire. I trust you with the key to my wife’s chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I have not returned, you may use this key to unlock said belt, as I am sure she will have needs.”

And so the beloved, noble knight sets forth upon the dusty road. He takes one last loving look at his castle. In the distance he sees a cloud of dust. Within this cloud rides the knight’s trusted squire, breathlessly calling to his master: “Stop! Stop! Noble knight! You’ve left me the wrong key!”

Bea: That’s art, all right.

Art: God bless you, Bea. I got to run, so thanks for the coffee and for letting me bend your ear there, Bea—utiful. See you next time.

Bea: My pleasure, Artie. Always nice getting talked at by you. Take care.

(OK, off to the Uptowner, where the show’s about to begin. If I see you there, then you buy me one ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.)

From:  http://shepherdexpress.com/article-29838-yellow-press-fever.html

My Hero

I've read that Steven Seagal primarily uses Akido as his martial art.  Akido is all about redirecting energy and joint locks.  I've also read that no martial artist considers Akido as a serious method of self-defense.  Fine.  Seagal has a black belt in karate, too.

Tongue

If I tried that with Chalie, I would lose a hand.

April Fools Day

Birds

This past weekend Drew and I took a trip to Horicon Marsh in Lomira Wi.. I just could not believe how many people showed up there to look for all the different birds. Drew was able to get some picture of two new life birds for himself when we went there. He was so excited about this and he talked about it all the way home and then when he downloaded the pictures and seen them he was so happy with how they turned out. Here are the pictures for are little adventure this past weekend.

                                                            This is an Eastern Kingbird

                                    This is a Glossy Ibis and this is one of Drew's life birds.

                                  This is a King Rail and this is the other life bird for Drew.

                                                               This is a Foresters Tern

                                      This is a Great Egret and he has something in his beak.

                                              These are Trumpeter Swans with the babies.

                                                         This is a Yellow Billed Cuckoo.

We hope everyone enjoys the pictures because we have fun going out and taking the pictures to share with all of you.

Understanding Women

Submitted by legal stranger:

Open Blog - Tuesday

Your bouncy eyes are making me nauseous.

Open Blog - Memorial Day

"All gave some, some gave all."

"10 Hilarious Threats Made by North Korea'

Ha ha ha. Fatty fatty fatty cakes!