Open Blog - Weekend

Try to keep in the race.

Four for Fridays!

Well the warm weather has finally come and now I hear everyone complaining it is to warm. This weekend it is going to be around 90 degrees so I may finally be putting the a/c on. It has been warm but no need for the a/c with the breeze we have been getting. Here are your questions.

1) What is your favorite wildflower?

2) If you have a favorite type of tree what kind is it?

3) Do you go out to look at the wildflowers?

4) Have you ever taken a picture of the wildflower or tree that you like?

Have a great weekend!

Open Blog - Friday

Who doesn't?

"Top 10 Demolitions GONE WRONG!"

Open Blog - Thursday

Isn't State Farm a little staid to be sponsoring this?

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my dear friends!  How are you? I've been trying to help Mr. OrbsCorbs with his new operating system and my heed is spinning.  He has weeks worth of things to do now. I think what happens is that the overall task is staggering so it's best to take it in small pieces.  Poking around some old IDs apparently got someone at Google angry.  Tough poop.

And this is only Windows 7.  They're already up to Windows 10.  I'll be dead before I get

through that.  The technology drives the young, but when you get older, you find you don't need the speed or connections you once did.  I'd rather have a warm foot bath than the latest computer

Of course I get neither

Damn, now I'm having trouble formatting what I write

Junior has started his own lawn mowing company  Look, I'm sorry but there's something wrong with this blog the formatting back here is almost senseless.

I'm sorry I can't continue with all of my periods going to the start of the sentence.

Mr. OrbsCorbs, straighten it out!. 
 ...

Open Blog - Wednesday

I don't get too wired anymore.

"On Wiscovfefe"

From the Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek  5 hours ago

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? Listen, kind of got my hands full here, so I’ll start you off with two, maybe three, little stories from my buddy Ray while I check on the progress of a couple, three ice-cube trays I’d like to harvest. What a life that guy leads:

[Cocktail glasses, please]

So I’m sitting next to this older woman at the tavern last night. She looked pretty dang good for being 60, I kid you not, and I would’ve bet that if she had a daughter, she’d be a real dish, too. So we’re going to order another round and she asks me if I ever had a “sportsman’s double.” Never heard of it, so she tells me it’s a mother-daughter threesome. Holy cow, if the daughter is a forty-years-younger version of this gal, I really ought to try a “sportsman’s double,” what the fock. So we go back to her place, she flips on the hall light and shouts upstairs, “Ma! You awake? Company!!!” Ba-ding!

[Cocktail glasses, please]

I know a married couple who both lost their jobs at this broom factory Up North there, and were having a hard time finding new jobs ’cause our Republican state sucks for jobs.

And to boot, the couple’s mounting credit card debt required some immediate income. The wife suggested that she could whore herself out, but her husband was less than thrilled about that idea. But financial necessities along with a less-than-swinging economy got the best of her, and she went behind her husband’s back to go whoring.

One night, she came back with a huge wad of cash and came clean to her husband about how she had earned it, adding that desperate times required desperate measures. Sure, he was upset, but curious as to how much she made. “I made $398.10,” she said. “Who the heck paid ten cents?” the husband asked. “Everybody,” she said. Ba-ding!

[Cocktail glasses, please]

So I’m at this wedding ’cause you know, it’s June. The guy and gal are standing at the altar, about to get pronounced by the pastor, when the bride-to-be looks at her soon-to-be groom and sees that the knucklehead has a set of golf clubs with him.

“What in the world are you doing with those golf clubs in church?” she says.

“Well,” he says, “this isn’t going to take all afternoon, is it?” Ba-ding!

[Cocktail glasses, please]

OK, I’m back. So, as I was going to say, if you listen to the Speaker of the Crapola Paul Ryan yammer about the Republican tax-cut budget and their health-care notion that includes everything you’d want except health care, you’d have to believe that if these head-cheese proposals were to see legislative light of day, we’d all be living on Easy Street ’cause when you eliminate taxes for rich jackasses and any kind of government spending, everybody wins, ain’a? What the fock, and if you’re poor, sick and/or elderly, you better start playing the lottery if you expect to have a pot to pee in, focking loser.

And speaking of poor, sick and elderly, I see myself covering that trifecta right around the corner, you bet. But I’m not worried, no sir, ’cause I’m thinking of cooking up a brand-new religion for the people of the world to rally ’round, and soon I’d be a rich guy who didn’t have to pay taxes. I could live with that, and it’s something I’ve been working on whenever I got some spare time, what the fock.

But I’ll tell you’s, dreaming up a religion out of the clear thin blue air is no piece of focking cake. First thing with a religion before you can start collecting money is you got to have a handbook that’s got all kinds of rules, routines and dogma—not to mention dictums—that people need to memorize ’cause you just can’t have people making stuff up as they go along or before you know it they’ll be at each other’s throats.

And yes, the dictums. You got to have good dictums and they goddamn better be set in stone from the get-go, and you know what? You just don’t come up with a bunch of dictums overnight. Dictums are a bitch. I spent all last week considering dictums and I’m still a day late and dollar short on dictums for my religion.

I did come up with three, though: Good deeds; kind words; let a smile be your umbrella. But if that is to be the holy trinity of my own religion, I may as well consider myself already excommuni-focking-cated. What a world.

Perhaps to perform a miracle would be wise, pronto. And so shall I visit the Uptowner tavern/charm school and change a recently donated Hamilton sawbuck into bourbon. God bless America, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

From: http://shepherdexpress.com/article-29859-on-wiscovfefe.html

Fucking New Operating System

I knew that the sign-ins would be the worst.  And they are.  What happened with me is that I got so sick and tired of preparing for the big switch that I finally just said, "Fuckit.  Let's do it," and put the disc in.  I am getting the download speed I was promised.  Everything else is a pain in the ass. I haven't eaten well or slept well for two days.  The diarrhea continues.  My bathroom looks like a shit bomb exploded in it.  And, to be honest, I don't see the advantage of this operating system over XP.

Open Blog- Tuesday

What kind of birds are those, drew?

I'm going absolutely insane with this new computer operating system.  "More difficult" does not mean "better."

Open Blog - Monday

Sorry to be so late with this.  Windows 7 is going to take some getting used to.  The Sheriff hasn't been able to sign in.  So I'm doing it for him.  What a mess. And my diarrhea continues.  There's shit all over the apartment.

"Florida pet detective tracks down missing animals"

From Wisconsin Gazette.com:

Jamie Katz is a registered private eye with a degree in criminology. 

Charles Rabin, Miami HeraldJun 1, 2017 Updated Jun 1, 2017 

 

"Animal lover Jamie Katz, 36, has taken her passion for four-footed friends into the professional realm. Call her Private Investigator Katz. She’s a bona fide pet detective.

"Recently, Katz has helped track down a French bulldog that escaped a yard and a chihuahua stolen from an animal clinic.

"Another French bulldog went missing for 180 days — that’s 3 1/2 dog years — before Katz reunited him with owners earlier this year, a body-wagging reunion in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, that was caught on video.

"'Jamie is sharp. Jamie is amazing,' said Emmanuel Laboy, who got his French bulldog Bella back after two agonizing weeks.

"Katz is a registered private eye with a degree in criminology. She has trained her own dogs to catch the scent of missing pets. But arguably the key to her success is her skill at using new and old media to spotlight her mission.

"Katz’s ability to reunite cats, dogs, parrots and even ferrets with their owners, coupled with a recent surge of positive press, has made her South Florida’s most well-known pet detective. Savvy at gaining attention, Katz isn’t shy about highlighting her name — a serendipitous homonym — to publicize her growing business.

"Since creating her company less than two years ago, Katz said she’s taken on 240 cases and solved 150 of them. Most of the time, she reunites animals that have escaped homes. Stolen pets only account for about 10 percent of her business, she said.

"Last year, Katz received an anonymous call and was soon helping Jasmine Jordan — the daughter of the Chicago Bulls Hall of Famer Michael Jordan — find Mila, her missing Pomeranian Yorkie.

 The case of the stolen chihuahua

 "Earlier in May, Benny, a 4-year-old chihuahua owned by South Miami-Dade veterinarian Juan Fernandez Bravo, was retrieved. Two women and a man had snatched Benny inside the animal clinic as Bravo and others tended to 10 rescued animals. Shortly after Katz got a local television station to air the story, Bravo received a call saying his dog was safe. The dog was returned and Bravo paid a $1,500 reward.

"Maria Bravo, the clinic office manager and wife of the veterinarian, said Benny was missing for eight days. She believes the signs made by Katz and her media savvy led to his return.

"But Bravo was not entirely convinced the person who returned her chihuahua and gladly accepted the $1,500 reward had nothing to do with the dog’s abduction. Bravo said the man who somehow wound up with Benny was too frightened to return him to the animal clinic.

"'He parked far away behind a mall,' she said. 'Me and my husband met him and gave him a check.'

"The case of Brunno the French bulldog, who escaped from his Fort Lauderdale home, dragged on for six months, more than enough time for many missing animal trails to grow cold. But tips after a blast of internet outreach, using community-focused social media sites like Nextdoor.com, led Katz to a home. From there, she surveilled the scene and eventually retrieved Brunno after an exchange of $5,000.

"'I can find anybody,' said Katz. 'I love the research part of it — and I don’t give up.'

  Pet detective from an early age

 "Born in a small town named Sharon about 45 minutes outside of Boston, Katz finished high school in Baltimore. Her tracking interests started when her childhood pet cat Blackjack escaped.

"Katz rode her bike all over town in search of that cat. Years later, she caught a television show called Animal Cops on the Animal Planet channel. From then on, lost pets and how to find them became an imperative.

"'I never found Blackjack,' said Katz. 'My goal in life was then to put animals and investigations together.'

"After grade school, Katz and her dad moved to Baltimore, where she eventually earned a criminal justice degree from a community college. She said she spent the next decade working for pet rescue groups up and down the East Coast. During that time, Katz said began to focus on becoming a professional pet detective.

"Getting a private investigators license in 2014 taught Katz how to do important background checks. For the next 18 months, she worked as an independent contractor searching for animals.

"By September 2015, Katz was finally working on her own. She created P.I. Jamie Katz LLC. Last year, her work got some coverage on public radio. But in the last month, things have really taken off. In early May, a Washington Post story about her company spawned a slew of calls. A Broward New Times story two days later — detailing how she solved a fake kidnapping in which a dog was actually eaten by an alligator — raised her profile even higher.

"During an hourlong interview recently, Katz’s cellphone filled with 10 new emails.

 Hiring a P.I.

 "The cost of hiring Katz to find a pet: between $305 and $605, depending on exactly what needs to be done.

"For the minimum, a customer gets bright yellow signs with a picture of the lost or stolen pet that includes a phone number and the amount of any reward. The signs are set up strategically through the neighborhood.

"Katz will spend two weeks following up on any tips.

"Some of her signs, though, have caused problems. Some of Katz’s clients, particularly in Miami-Dade, have been fined in excess of $1,000. Zoning regulators say the signs are not permitted in public areas. They must be placed, with permission, on private property.

"For $605, Katz will put her 3 1/2-year-old Britain Spaniel Gable and her 3-year-old terrier mix Fletcher to work.

"Katz works out of her home, a small apartment just west of downtown Fort Lauderdale that is filled with dog cages and pictures of dogs and cats. The inside of the front door is appropriately scratched up. Her Facebook page is filled with reunion videos.

"Call her cellphone and if she doesn’t answer, the recording is right out of the Jim Carrey comedy Pet Detective: 'This is P.I. Jamie Katz. I’m on another line or on a case.'

"n May, she brought finality to a convoluted search for Bella, Laboy’s French bulldog, which had escaped his Fort Lauderdale home through an open gate April 26. Laboy said not long after he posted a notice on his local Nextdoor site about Bella, a woman contacted him saying she saw the dog for sale on Craigslist.

"After a series of back and forth phone calls, Laboy and Katz showed up at Bella’s new home and bought her back for $360 — the same price paid to acquire the dog. Katz’s fee for her service: A well-spent $405, Laboy said.

"'Jamie guided me through the entire process,' he said. 'It was all about, let’s get the dog back. It was well spent money and I don’t regret it one bit.'

"This is an AP member-exchange story."

From: http://www.wisconsingazette.com/lifestyle/florida-pet-detective-tracks-down-missing-animals/article_12fc081c-470b-11e7-9a3c-ef0e9310c8fd.html

Open Blog - Weekend

Enjoy your weekend.

Four for Fridays!

Hello and I hope everyone is enjoying the nice weather we are having. It is so nice to have the windows open in the house. Here are your questions.

1) Have you finished your spring cleaning?

2) When it is warm outside do you prefer to use the a/c or have windows open?

3) Do you have any allergies when you go outside?

4) What kind of allergies do you have when you go outside?

Have a great weekend!

Open Blog - Friday

Hooray for Friday!

I started studying the running of an auto repair shop at an early age

God, I wish cars were that simple now.

"How to squat like Slav"

I hear so much of my parents' accent in Slav videos.

I'm a proud Slav.  If you don't like it, kiss my tiny Slavic butt.

10 Biggest Wastes of Money in History

Happy Birthday to the JT Irregulars.

We're nine years old today.  We've been through a lot; way more than I ever expected.  Persevere, JTIs.

Open Blog - Thursday

Happy June.

"VALKA TO RIGA with the setting sun (cut bonus footage)"

Riga was my parents' hometown.

Happy First Birthday to "The Real Clubhouse"

Happy Birthday to "The Real Clubhouse."  https://therealclubhouse.blogspot.com/2017/05/happy-birthday-trc.html  It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.  I know that you folks are good at "moving on," but I still feel like I was kicked in the balls yesterday.

I'm also sorry to see one of our Irregulars "defect" to the site. 

Best wishes for your continued success.

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hi, gang!  How are you doing?  As usual, Memorial Day threw me for a loop and I can't remember what day it is.  I love the three-day weekends.  But then I'm lost for a few days.

I can't wait for lying John to leave Racine.  Is there any way we can push him?  He's crazy and I worry about one last humdinger from lying John before he leaves.  He's already conceded the power of the mayor to Amy Connolly, a criminal he brought in just for that purpose.  She must be thrown out, too.  Together these clowns manage about a billion dollars worth of Racine real estate.  When did City Hall become a real estate business?  As soon as lying John took over.  Everything in City Hall is for sale, at the right price.  I wonder what it cost to get the mayor's job?  After lying John has left we get to go through with a sham special election.  God, wouldn't it be nice if our mayor actually was honest and represented us?  Instead, City Hall is an ATM where the entitled can stop and grab all the taxpayer dough they need.They are so obvious about it.  They fear no repercussions from their violation of laws.  In fact, I suspect some are actually promoted for doing an excellent job of stealing our money.

There's been no response from City Hall about my suggestion that we first put up circus tent instead of a brick and mortar arena in order to gauge interest in the spot.  Personally, I'm not a sports fan, but even I would check out the new "arena."  Of course lying John and Amy Connolly would not stand for this.  They insist upon a multi-million dollar project that allows for a wide berth of bribes and kickbacks.  Poo on them!

I was really glad to hear that Mr. drewzeprmeister got pictures of two of his lifetime birds over the weekend.  With the bird migrations, Mr. drew must spend all of his spare time chasing chicks.  How nice that Ms. Tender Heart Bear is so understanding of his hobby. She gets in on it. too, taking nature pictures all of the time.  She also drives so that drew may look for birds.I believe that Ms. THB is owed a huge "thank you" for her efforts at helping friends and relatives.  Mr. OrbsCorbs has told me many times that THB has helped him out. We love you, Ms. THB.  Please don't leave the site.  Or me.

I agree with the Journal Times that the time has come for toll roads in Wisconsin; http://journaltimes.com/news/opinion/editorial/journal-times-editorial-the-time-for-toll-roads-has-arrived/article_f10e19fc-3549-535a-a1aa-500ab0e7d20a.html Our highways are crumbling messes and we don't have the money to maintain them.  Toll roads would supply the necessary cash to get the job done.  Unfortunately, that cash also attracts every felon in city government.  We need someone who will disperse the money honestly.  Decent roads means more tourists. More tourists means more money for local shops.

That's it, kiddos.  It's a remarkably nice day outside, but I must type with my windows closed because someone is  using a chainsaw nearby.  God, that noise is disruptive.  But don't let my bad luck ruin your day.  Get out there and enjoy the fun in the sun.

Matters of great import should be sent to: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

As always, watch out for children playing near the street.  Be careful in Racine.  One wrong move might be your last.  I love you all and hope for the best for all of you.  Readers of my blog enter my heart..  That's a good place to be.
__________________________
Please donate: paypal.me/jgmazelis
If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

Open Blog - Wednesday

I hear you.

"Yellow Press Fever"

From The Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek 2 hours ago

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, sorry to say I’m not able to squeeze out a lucid loaf of essay for you’s this week. Instead I’ve got to assess whether or not I got the bile in my belly so as to throw up my hat into the ring to be your next governor here in the great state of Wisgunsin, I shit you not.

I don’t have any big-time dough for the campaign yet, but I’ll tell you what I do have. Vision. Yes, sir. That’s what I got, ’cause if you don’t have vision, what do you got? You got a tin cup and a cane, that’s what you got. What the fock.

I’m supposed to meet with my brain trust over by the Uptowner tavern/charm school. But they’re not open yet, so I’m headed over to my favorite open-daily 23-hours-and-59-minutes restaurant. Come along if you want but you leave the tip. Let’s get going.

Bea: Hey there, Artie, nice to see you. What’s your pleasure?

Art: How ’bout a nice cup of the blackest, thickest and cheapest cup of whatever you’re calling plain-old American coffee today, thank you very kindly. And by thickest, Bea, I mean this coffee ought to come out of a mold, not a pot.

Bea: Coming right up, Artie. And here’s a fork and chisel to go with it. So what do you hear, what do you know.

Art: Went the other day by the doctor’s for a little checkup. He told me, “The best thing for you is to cut out the sweets, the fatty food, give up alcohol and stop smoking.” And I said, “Well sir, not to be overly humble, but I believe that I do not deserve the best. What’s second best?”

Bea: You got to have your health. He write you a prescription, Artie?

Art: That he did. Near novelistic it was, in scope and length. Upon fulfillment, sure to afford some honcho at Pfizer the cost of Mediterranean beachfront property. You ever write anything, Bea?

Bea: I write a shopping list. Every week. Like clockwork.

Art: You betcha. Writing’s hard work—discipline, dedication. It’s a lonely, solitary life. But at least you get to drink on the job; so I guess there’s worse ways to make your buck two-eighty. Anyways, I hear the new season of “Game of Thrones” is starting soon. You ever seen it, Bea?

Bea: Can’t say that I have, Artie.

Art: It’s a medieval fantasy show with kings, knights, incest and piss-ants based on about a hundred books by some guy named George R.R. Martin. It’s focking fabulous, but then you got your hoity-toity knuckleheads who always say: Don’t see the movie, the book is so much better.

Bea: I’ve heard that.

Art: HEYYY! The book is never better than the movie. Cripes, these days, the book costs three times what you fork out for a movie and it takes about five times longer to get through. Take that book Hamlet by what’s-his-name. You spend days reading it and all that happens is everybody sits around talking and then they all get killed one way or another.

Bea: Sounds familiar.

Art: Now, I could write a movie version of Hamlet that the people would say is better than the book. I’d have some snappy one-liners, a car chase with a little gunplay, couple of musical numbers with some stacked chorus gals and, bingo!—boy gets girl in the end, everybody’s happy and it only took 70 minutes, tops, to get to the focking point.

Bea: Is that right, Artie.

Art: Darn tootin’, Bea. People benefit more from the “craft” of writing than they do from the “art” of writing. Regular society benefits more from the writing of a parking ticket than it does from the writing of another weepy, mopey poem. Of course, when you combine craft with art, then everybody wins.

Bea: Really, Artie.

Art: I’m not joking, Bea. Listen: In olden days, when knights were bold, a beloved noble knight was to leave on crusade and called for his trusted squire. “I am leaving on crusade, trusted squire. I trust you with the key to my wife’s chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I have not returned, you may use this key to unlock said belt, as I am sure she will have needs.”

And so the beloved, noble knight sets forth upon the dusty road. He takes one last loving look at his castle. In the distance he sees a cloud of dust. Within this cloud rides the knight’s trusted squire, breathlessly calling to his master: “Stop! Stop! Noble knight! You’ve left me the wrong key!”

Bea: That’s art, all right.

Art: God bless you, Bea. I got to run, so thanks for the coffee and for letting me bend your ear there, Bea—utiful. See you next time.

Bea: My pleasure, Artie. Always nice getting talked at by you. Take care.

(OK, off to the Uptowner, where the show’s about to begin. If I see you there, then you buy me one ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.)

From:  http://shepherdexpress.com/article-29838-yellow-press-fever.html

My Hero

I've read that Steven Seagal primarily uses Akido as his martial art.  Akido is all about redirecting energy and joint locks.  I've also read that no martial artist considers Akido as a serious method of self-defense.  Fine.  Seagal has a black belt in karate, too.

Tongue

If I tried that with Chalie, I would lose a hand.

April Fools Day

Birds

This past weekend Drew and I took a trip to Horicon Marsh in Lomira Wi.. I just could not believe how many people showed up there to look for all the different birds. Drew was able to get some picture of two new life birds for himself when we went there. He was so excited about this and he talked about it all the way home and then when he downloaded the pictures and seen them he was so happy with how they turned out. Here are the pictures for are little adventure this past weekend.

                                                            This is an Eastern Kingbird

                                    This is a Glossy Ibis and this is one of Drew's life birds.

                                  This is a King Rail and this is the other life bird for Drew.

                                                               This is a Foresters Tern

                                      This is a Great Egret and he has something in his beak.

                                              These are Trumpeter Swans with the babies.

                                                         This is a Yellow Billed Cuckoo.

We hope everyone enjoys the pictures because we have fun going out and taking the pictures to share with all of you.

Understanding Women

Submitted by legal stranger:

Open Blog - Tuesday

Your bouncy eyes are making me nauseous.

Open Blog - Memorial Day

"All gave some, some gave all."

"10 Hilarious Threats Made by North Korea'

Ha ha ha. Fatty fatty fatty cakes!

Open Blog - Weekend

I'm staying in.

"10 Coolest Strongest Toys Which Actually Exist !"

Four for Fridays!

I can not believe it is Friday already and also Memorial Day weekend. I do not know if it is me but it just seems like the days are going faster. I hope everyone enjoys the three day weekend and please be safe. Here are your questions for this week.

1) Do you have plans for this Memorial Day weekend?

2) Will you be doing and traveling for Memorial Day weekend?

3) Will you be spending time  with family or friends this Memorial Day weekend?

4) Will you be going to see any Memorial Day parade this weekend?

"Memorial Day Weekend is No. 1 for fatal traffic accidents"

Published: May 26, 2017 6:34 a.m. ET

This weekend, traffic could hit a new high

Traffic in Los Angeles

By KariPaul Reporter

"Memorial Day travel will be at its highest level since 2005 this year, with 39.3 million Americans trekking 50 or more miles away from home, according to motor club association AAA. And more than 80% of those — 34.6 million people — will be on the roads.

"Based on travel bookings with AAA, the top travel destinations in the U.S. for Memorial Day Weekend are Orlando, Florida, Seattle, Washington, Las Vegas, Nevada, New York, and Honolulu. The influx could be dangerous: In fact, Memorial Day weekend is the most deadly time to drive, according to personal-finance website ValuePenguin, with an average of 312 fatal accidents a year between 2011 and 2015, followed by Labor Day Weekend (308 fatal accidents) and July 4th Weekend (307 fatal accidents). 'On a normal three-day period, the stretch between Washington, D.C., Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York sees the most fatal accidents,' it says."

Read more: http://www.marketwatch.com/story/memorial-day-weekend-is-no-1-for-fatal-traffic-accidents-2017-05-25


If you're travelling this weekend, please be very careful.

Open Blog - Friday

Oh yeah!

Good News: "Big game hunter crushed to death by elephant"

AP Photo

"A south African big game hunter was crushed to death by an elephant on a Zimbabwe game reserve, according to South African outlet News 24.

"Theunis Botha, 51, was leading a hunt when his group stumbled upon a breeding group of elephants at a game reserve near Hwange National Park Several on Friday afternoon, Zimparks spokesman Simukai Nyasha told The Telegraph. The group of elephants charged at the group and the hunters shot at them, the agency reported.

"Botha was crushed after one of the members of the group shot an elephant after she lifted Botha with her trunk. The elephant collapsed and fell on top of Botha, crushing him."

Read more: http://journaltimes.com/now/today/history/big-game-hunter-crushed-to-death-by-elephant/article_e3ae82c0-e905-58dc-9988-516c23ae5d42.html 


It's not a "sport" when you're carrying heavy arms and the animals are defenseless.  Go hunt the animals naked, with no guns or tools.  After all, that's how the animals are.  May all the big game hunters meet the same fate. 

I know one.  When he said, "Let me show you the game room," I was expecting a room with a pool table or card tables or pinball machines.  Instead, it's filled with animal heads on the walls and a couple of full-size ones. He was so proud.  I was getting sick.  After his desath, may his head be stuffed by a taxodermist and hung in the "game room."

"10 SECRETS The FBI Is Hiding From You"

Open Blog - Thursday

You taste better than a dog biscuit.

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my dears!  How are you?  Another crappy day outside.  We had a few really great days and then it hit the toilet again.  I guess we have to pay for a warm winter with a cold spring.  Personally, I believe in climate change and wonder how bad it will get.  The power pigs have made trillions of dollars off of polluting our atmosphere and now we're supposed to just take it.  I'd love to see a mess of CEOs rounded up and placed in the arctic with no tools or food.  You made this mess, assholes, now clean it up.  This reminds me of the fact that when something good happens, someone will say, "Praise the Lord," but when something bad happens, no one says, "Damn the Lord."  That's a nice gig, getting all of the  fame and none of the blame.

Mr. OrbsCorbs contacted me because he's being harassed by a collection agency.  No problem.  I'll just put the dreaded Zoltar Curse™ on them.  They're already half-dead with numerous closed locations.  This should finish them off.  Don't mess with me or my friends!  

Apparently, we already have a new mayor, Amy Connolly.  She has taken over with lying John's blessing.  Of course, she has a shady past and is still under investigation from her old position.  That's the way lying John likes them: criminals.  Racine is a cesspool thanks to lying John.  And now he abdicates.  Gee, if only he would finish out his term, we'd be a top ten city.  Instead, we're a bottom ten city.

I have an idea for the proposed arena downtown.  A recent slideshow on the Journal Times' site was about circuses.  It stated that the three ring tent could hold 12,000 people.  There you go, there's our new "arena."  With so many circuses shutting down, one of those tents should be relatively cheap.  Before we commit to bricks and mortar, we can see what kind of response an arena would generate.  If it doesn't work out, I suggest that we then replace City Hall with the circus tent, for obvious reasons.

Festival time is here. For the next four months or so, there's something happening every weekend in Racine, and many weekdays.  Of course, if you live in the affected areas, they can be a pain in the butt.  I have a friend who lives near downtown and she says it's a mess when the city holds some celebration..  She says that people she doesn't even know will park in her driveway.  I told her to let the air out of their tires.  But she doesn't "want to start something."  I told her that the jackasses who park in her driveway have already "started something."  She's just trying to stop it.

Well, I hear the dirty dishes and carpeting calling me.  A woman's work is never done.  Thanks for reading my blog this week.  I love every last one of you.

Contact madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com

Enjoy whatever spring weather we get.  Soon enough we'll be complaining about the heat.  Watch out for kids playing near the road.  And take care of yourselves.  Please.   So many of us are always doing for others instead of doing for ourselves.  Well, I give you permission to take care of you, because I love you.
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If you don't like PayPal, send me a note at madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com and I'll send you my street address so you can send a check or money order.  Thank you.

"WiGWAG: Richard Simmons, bobblehead Trump, and more"

From Wisconsin Gazette.com:

Lisa Neff and Louis Weisberg, Staff writers May 22, 2017 Updated May 22, 2017

News with a twist

Mega butt!

Officers at an Arizona border crossing found nearly 3 pounds of heroin in packages taped onto a woman’s buttocks and stuffed into the back of her jeans. Authorities say the heroin had an estimated value of more than $45,000.

The beach is back

Ireland’s once-popular Achill Island’s Dooagh beach has returned after being washed away by storms in 1984. In recent weeks, tides deposited tons of sand and shells to the area, making it an instant tourist attraction once again.

John Mayer made her do it

An Alabama woman was filmed stomping out the windshield of a friend’s car. Why? The friend had broken her favorite John Mayer CD, Continuum.

Leave him alone

Richard Simmons is suing the National Enquirer and Radar Online for libel and invasion of privacy. The media outlets reported that the reclusive weight-loss guru is avoiding the limelight because he’s undergoing gender reassignment. Simmons has made more headlines in his retirement years than he did during his heyday, when his bouncy, effusive persona was ubiquitous on television.

Bobblehead Trump

Milwaukee’s National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum recently acquired an interactive Trump doll. Visitors to www.bobbledonald.com can ask The Donald a question and then choose the answer, which makes the bobblehead either nod “yes” or shake its head “no.” Like the real Trump, the bobblehead cannot answer more complex questions, such as “Why did you fire Comey?”

Don’t call me Caitlyn

Among the names for baby girls that dropped most in popularity between 2015 and 2016, the top four were all some form of the name “Caitlyn,” according to the Social Security Administration.

S—t march

Anti-government protests in Venezuela have turned nasty, with demonstrators vowing to add feces to the customary rocks, Molotov cocktails and tear gas they use against security forces. The new tactic has been dubbed the “Poopootov.” Demonstrators are advertising their next action as a “s--- march.”

Get a new lawyer

Richard Henry Patterson of Fort Lauderdale claims his girlfriend choked to death on his ginormous manhood during oral sex. His attorneys want permission for Patterson, 65, to show his penis to the court as exhibit No. 1. Prosecutors, however, aren’t swallowing the story. They’ve charged him with murder and they predict his standard “rough sex” defense won’t go down with the jury. The coroner was unable to determine how 60-year-old woman died.

Privacy or payments?

A woman seeking to obtain child support for her son has lost her case before a court in Munich. She wanted the court to order a hotel to reveal the identity of the man she spent three nights with seven years ago. The woman knew the man only as Michael, and the judge said granting her request could breach the privacy of the four men registered at the hotel under that name during the three-night period.

Mom’s home-cooking

A judge in New Mexico says a man arrested for allegedly breaking into his mom’s house and stealing her soupy stew won’t face charges. The judge dismissed the case against the man, saying the only witnesses to the theft of the posole were the defendant and his mother.

Goaded by God

Pittsburgh police arrested a woman they say threw bricks at a man’s car on charges of propulsion of missiles, criminal mischief and defiant trespass. According to the police report, the woman, who is white, said she received a “prophecy from God” telling her to “throw bricks at white men.”

Barreled over by Bambi

The Associated Press reports a daring deer charmed a group of hunters in Indiana by licking the barrel of a shotgun. Video from the encounter shows a deer approaching the hunters crouching in undergrowth. The deer then nuzzled the barrel of a gun held by one — and lived another day. We should mention that the men were hunting turkeys.

Tweet for free treats

In April, a Nevada teenager took to Twitter to ask Wendy’s how many retweets he needed to win free chicken nuggets for a year. The reply from the fast-food chain: 18 million. He didn’t hit that mark but the exchange became the most retweeted of all time — 3.4 million — and Wendy’s is giving him the year’s worth of nuggets anyhow.

New slogan

The U.S. House of Representatives recent passage of the Republican health care plan spurred creation of another T-shirt slogan: “Nevertheless, she preexisted.” We found ours online, created by the Nasty Woman Society: Apparel that Empowers.

Read more: http://www.wisconsingazette.com/blogs/wigwag-richard-simmons-bobblehead-trump-and-more/article_c6450bb2-3f27-11e7-adb5-5b5e21fb813a.html

Open Blog - Wednesday

How are you doing?

"Powerbull"

From The Shepherd Express:

By Art Kumbalek 2 hours ago

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, how ’bout our County Sheriff “Hopalong” Clarke apparently getting a gig with Homeland Security? And once he begins his new job, the first thing that will be safer and thus more secure will be the inmates over by the county jail, I kid you not.

Anyways, as I’m sitting here today I’ve heard that the Powerball jackpot has risen $250 million, and whoever eventually wins, the rest of us losers can be comforted with the belief that there will be at least one American who can afford health care, what the fock.

And speaking of our county sheriff, for your benefit during this time of economic hardship for so many, allow me to kind of plagiarize myself in regard to winning and losing:

For those who sometimes may need to count on a helping hand from the government, let me guess: At the last lottery drawing the numbers came up and you went down, didn’t you? You got suckered into purchasing another bum lottery ticket. Get over it.

Cripes, hard to believe any outfit that sells as many faulty products as our government lottery cartel does can stay in business but what are you going to do, ain’a? Take your ticket stub back to the clip joint you bought it from and ask for your money back? Ha! Forget about it. I already tried. No dice. They acted like I was speaking some kind of foreign language. And come to think of it, at the mini-mart I frequent, I was. English. Ba-ding!

But seriously, just because your lottery-financed dreams have been dashed down the dumper like yesterday’s undigested baloney sandwich doesn’t mean that you’ll feel any better by packing it in and stepping in front of the first bus that comes by, no sir.

Take some solace in the fact that at least you know you’re a loser. Know thyself, like they say in the Bible. Not like these supercilious dickweeds who pride themselves in not getting snookered into these lottery scams. I got one thing to say to them: If you don’t play, you can’t win, and when you don’t win—well, you lose, any way you look at it, loser.

But really, so big focking deal you lost in the lottery again, that now you can’t run away with the uber-stacked manicurist you’ve had your eye on over by the beauty parlor where the wife goes; that you can’t tell your know-it-all boss that you won’t be in for the next 30-focking years; that, damn it, you still have no pot to pee in; yeah, those new soles for your pair of dress shoes will have to wait, and so will the knob from the collection agency knocking on your door even as I write and you read.

But do you really think you’d be happier if any of those dreams had come true?

Yeah, probably, but just because the lottery numbers you so carefully picked mega-sucked does not mean that your life is as good as over. Hell no, not by a long shot. What it does mean is that your life will continue to stink, and the familiar does have its own comforts I’ve heard. Don’t worry, you still got plenty more losing ahead of you, so buck up, buddy.

And what’s so great about that? Hey, read your Bible sometime, mister. Somewheres in there it says, “The meek shall inherit the Earth,” or so I’m told. Got that? It doesn’t say, “The focking rich bastards shall inherit the Earth,” does it? Of course not. That would be stupid ’cause you can’t inherit what you’ve already got, what the fock.

No sir, the Bible specifies the meek—another way of saying losers. That’s right. Losers. Just like you, and me. And just so’s you know how special that is, second place inherits two Earths. Ba-ding!

Hey, the losers are going to win the Earth, which may be a lot like winning a goddamn hippopotamus in that the first thing you got to ask yourself is, “What the fock am I going to do with that?”

And when you losers win the Earth, I imagine you’ll need to decide as to how you’ll want it: paid out as one lump planet or as an annuity spread out over a period of years. Me, I’d go the annuity route. For my first payment, I’d take Tahiti and Fiji out there in the South Seas, introduce myself to the native gals and spend my time making sure they were comfortable. Next year, do I hear Monte Carlo?

So in conclusion, please remember that when you’re a loser you’ve got nothing but dreams. But when you’re a winner, your days of dreaming are done and if you don’t have dreams, what do you have? Fock if I know, but as soon as I inherit the Earth maybe I’ll have an answer for you’s, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

From  http://shepherdexpress.com/article-29785-powerbull.html