Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my delicious caramel apples! How are you? Whatever happened to our so-called summer? A friend told me that she doesn’t need to get out her winter clothes because she never put them away from last year. It’s not hard to predict an early fall – some trees are already starting to turn color.

I apologize for the confusion concerning my whereabouts last week. Unfortunately, Mr./Ms. Sheriff got his/her facts a little tangled. I was not in the Bahamas – I was with the Obamas. We had such grand time that I simply overstayed the deadline for my blog. I am so sorry. I realize that I have an obligation to you, my dear friends, but I also felt obliged to bask in the presence of our President for as long as possible because of his historic significance as the first black President of the United States of America. Having grown up during a time of civil rights marches and murders, I am very proud of that achievement.

Which brings us to an email I received from our friend, Mr. SER, which he entitled “Differences of Opinion:”

Dear Madame Zoltar,

The Pilgrims came to America to flee from taxation without representation.

We have had a Civil War because of differences of opinion.

Gathering all your skills together, do you foresee a revolt against the government in the near or close to near future and give the government back to the people?

Dear Mr. SER, forecasting the future is a difficult art not just because the future is shrouded in mystery, but also because there is more than one future possible. Many forces and nuances affect each moment in time, which, in turn, affects the next. Given our country’s prevailing sedentary culture and our politicians’ tendency to mutate quicker than chameleons, I don’t think an uprising is likely in the near term. Of course, the economy is the biggest unknown, and if enough people take a hit to their stomachs, all bets are off. What I feel fairly safe in predicting is that our representatives will continue to represent themselves and their special interests to the best of their personal profit.

As long as we’re talking about differences of opinion and discrimination, here’s an interesting little video featuring Madonna, speaking out a week ago in Bucharest on behalf of Gypsies:



You tell them, honey.

Finally, here is a link to “Predictions of the Year 2000
from The Ladies Home Journal of December 1900:” http://www.yorktownhistory.org/homepages/1900_predictions.htm.
Two of my favorites:
“Prediction #9: Photographs will be telegraphed from any distance. If there be a battle in China a hundred years hence snapshots of its most striking events will be published in the newspapers an hour later. Even to-day photographs are being telegraphed over short distances. Photographs will reproduce all of Nature’s colors.
“Prediction #16: There will be No C, X or Q in our every-day alphabet. They will be abandoned because unnecessary. Spelling by sound will have been adopted, first by the newspapers. English will be a language of condensed words expressing condensed ideas, and will be more extensively spoken than any other. Russian will rank second.”

I predict that you will email me, without a C, X or Q, at: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

Have a beauteous week, my darlings. Remember, when no one else is watching, I see you. Pantaloons!