Can't help it...

 Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’ The
question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the
bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7 ) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the
ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A.

GO PAC...!!

Open Blog - Weekend

Santa Claus is just days away.

medical examination

Doctor to Lady, during her medical examination:
"Your heart, lungs, pulse & blood pressure are all fine. Now, let me see that little thing that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady started taking off her clothes ...

The Doctor stopped her: "No! No! Please don't remove your clothes.

JUST STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!"

Health Tip

The Little Drummer Boy (Perfect Version)

My Favorite Chrismas Song

Useless Information

Total time gum would be chewed every year if each piece of gum was chewed for 30 min ='s 187 billion hours.

Four for Fridays

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Four for Fridays. Wait! We're supposed to be here, right? Anyways, It's been a long week and I'm looking forward to a four day weekend... Some questions for you....

1) What time of the year stresses you out the most?

2) How well do you drive in the snow?

3) What are looking forward to the most this Christmas?

4) What is the prettiest place you have been to?

Enjoy your weekend and Christmas!

Open Blog - End of the World

It's been nice knowing you.

Best Songs for 2012

2012 was a great year for music. The big surprises were the veterans of rock and roll making huge comebacks... let's start with the honorable mentions.

Joe Walsh: Analog Man from Analog Man
Bruce Springsteen: Land of Hope and Dreams from Wrecking Ball
ZZ Top: Flyin' High from La Futura
Beach Boys: That's Why God Made the Radio from That's Why God Made the Radio
Iron Maiden: Blood Brothers from En Vivo!

10) KISS Long Way Down from Monster: I had long ago dismissed KISS as nothing but a bunch of rehashing, money hungry and commercialized comic book clowns. As a young teenager, I had idolized these guys, then watched them go on a downward spiral to a mockery of rock and roll. Adding insult to injury, by donning costumes on newcomers Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer revisiting the roles of original members of Ace Frehley and Peter Criss. I vowed to never see KISS in concert after the facts. Enter my future stepson-an obsessed 26 year old KISS fanatic... He turned me into this album. Surprised! It is their piece of work since 1977's Love Gun. Recorded on analog equipment with a modern twist, KISS retakes their glory days with chock full of party anthems. The way that KISS should sound.

9) Soundgarden Been Away too Long from King Animal Taking where they left off 16 years ago, Soundgarden sounds like haven't skipped a beat. King Animal is a big, bright album, executed with precision and professionalism. Filled with strong and catchy kooks, Kim Thayil's deceptively sinewy guitar work fills the atmosphere with his signature sound from the Gothic like riffs to psychedelia. Chris Cornell's modulated wail fits well, anchored by the rhythm section of Bill Shepard and Matt Cameron, which is a testament to their innate chemistry....

8) Aerosmith Street Jesus from Music from Another Dimension The Toxic Twins and crew seemed to patch up their differences long enough to put out their first album of original materiel in eleven years. Their strongest since 1993's Get a Grip. Enter the song, "Street Jesus"- a raucous, gritty, balls to the wall rocker that recalls their classic days of Toys in the Attic and Rocks. One huge catch to the album though. A third of it was weighed down by the American Idol influenced ballads (including a duet with Carrie Underwood) that screamed sell out.

7)  Chris Robinson Brotherhood Rosalee from Big Moon Ritual Even though the Black Crowes are on hiatus right now, it doesn't mean singer Chris Robinson has exactly been idle. Sounding more like the Grateful Dead than the Black Crowes, the music just flows with the tide-never diving into murky waters, instead into a pretty sunset. This isn't just a self conscious retro revival here,  it's more or less a band that seems to be doing what comes naturally.

6) Counting Crows Jumping Jesus from Underwater Sunshine The Counting Crows are a difficult band to explain... They are extremely talented. The groups instrumental interplay are a reminder of a modern day The Band. Singer Adam Duritz lyrical style rivals Bob Dylan, creating a visual landscape that is almost unparalleled by anyone. Question is why an album of cover tunes? The answer is quite simple. Because they can. The tune "Jumping Jesus" my oh my, stands out. It makes me feel like a pile of sunshine.

5) Heart Fanatic from Fanatic Heart has made a wise decision to return their hard rocking roots. Rightly so, the atmosphere of this album feels much like their fifth release, Bebe La Strange. The opening hearty power chords of the title track, along with Ann Wilson's huge voice can deliver more than enough energy to rattle the farthest corners of an arena. Even on the softer sounds on this record can bring an emotional hook that goes beyond sheer volume.

4) Neil Young and Crazy Horse Ramada Inn from Psychedelic Pill Music is a box of chocolates when it come to Neil Young, never know what you're going to get. In the case with Psychedelic Pill, it is the golden cream filling. Working with his long time band, Crazy Horse, Psychedelic Pill was born from extensive jam sessions in the studio. The sprawling 16 minute track, Ramada Inn, takes a listener on a musical journey though the past with laid back powerhouse chords and extended solos. Feels like I'm on the vintage Route 66. And that is one the shorter tunes. It may sound overindulgent, but with the profound lyrics and the emotional guitar interplay, the album seems to have a spiritual effect.

3) Led Zeppelin Kashmir from Celebration Day I know, it's an old song performed from their reunion concert at the O2 Arena in London in the December of 2007. Recorded, filmed and then tweaked and released last month by the legendary band. For those who missed the countless bootlegged YouTube videos, it's all here in one neat package. After 27 years since Led Zeppelin performed their last concert, it is apparent that these rock gods haven't lost their mystery and magic. Jason Bonham, the son of the late "Bonzo", does his dad proud on the skins. Robert Plant's banshee wail has aged gracefully like fine wine. Jimmy Page still can play the riffs and solos like the days of old. John Paul Jones still hasn't lost his touch on the keys and bass. Four years after the show, the band still are dodging questions on a reunion tour. This could easily be the last testimony of this legacy. A fitting one as well...

2) Van Halen Outta Space from A Different Kind of Truth  After so many years of fumbling dysfunction that reduced the once-proud Van Halen name to a laughingstock, A Different Kind of Truth proved the skeptics (including me) wrong. Against all reasonable expectations, this a real Van Halen album! Diamond Dave is back in fold along with Eddie Van Halen's son replacing Micheal Anthony on bass. The album is relentless. It takes you by the jugular and drives down high octane rhythms and adrenaline guitar solos and never lets up. No ballads, no keyboards and no bullshit. It's simply Vantastic! Please read my full review here. 

1) Rush Clockwork Angels from Clockwork Angels Rush is a band that never seems to stop growing, they evolve. taking form over the years, yet never losing their signature sound. This Canadian power trio makes a long awaited return to the prog rock concept albums that they perfected with 2112 in 1976. Loosely based on a novel written by Kevin J. Anderson, this set sprawls, embracing everything from metal and prog to electric jazz to flamenco touches -- and more. Varied musical shades jostle up against one another, keeping the listener not only engaged, but delightfully surprised. It's no wonder why the Rush fan base keeps growing after 36 years...

Coming

I'm coming for you, you and you...!!!

 

 

I want my mommy....

Christmas Lights Pt 2 Candy Cane Lane!

This is the first sign you will see when you go to Candy Cane Lane in West Allis Wi.. It was Drew, his son, his son's girlfriend and myself that had gone to see the lights. This was on a Friday night that we had gone and it was a last minute decision to go. It has been about three weeks ago that we had gone. Yes I know why did I wait so long to write about it. I have been really busy with work, Christmas shopping and baking cookies.

I just want to say if you want to go and see some really awesome Christmas lights this is the place to go. They are also doing a donation for the M.A.C.C. Fund this is Midwest Athletes Against Childhood Cancer. It is your choice to give a donation or not we gave a donation. I seen a lot of people just drive past the people standing out there by the stand not donating.

So on to the Christmas lights that we had taken on this night. We had an awesome time taking the pictures to share. I hope you all enjoy some of the pictures I put on here.

I do have a lot more pictures from Candy Cane Lane. It is just way to many to put on here to post. I just might have to do a Candy Cane Lane Part two for more Christmas lights. Other than that I will have them all on my Facebook account.

I hope everyone is enjoying the pictures and you are all welcome to leave any comment!

"Russians pay $1,000 for doomsday party in Soviet bunker"

"(Reuters) - A Cold War-era bunker designed to save Soviet leaders from a nuclear attack will host a 24-hour party for Russians willing to pay $1,000 for a ticket to escape the apocalypse, which, according to New Age prophesies, could come on Friday."

Read more:  http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/12/19/us-russia-doomsday-idUSBRE8BI18S20121219


BL Basketcase's party is considerably cheaper.

Open Blog - Thursday

Nice pussycat.

personal experience

I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving, which I hope that you will learn from for the upcoming Holiday season.

 

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.

 

A few weekends ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a few too many cocktails.

 

Knowing full well I was over the legal limit, I did something I've never done before…. I took a cab home.

 

Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since I was in a cab, they waved it past.

 

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage, any ideas???

Crosby

That pretty much explains it...!!

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my festive friends!  How are you?  It’s less than a week away from Christmas.  Do you feel the holiday pressure building?  Or does it just go through you?  Only a few more days for decorating, shopping, baking, wrapping, etc., etc.  What do you want from Santa this year?  Have you been a good boy or girl?  Santa, like me, knows all and sees all. Don’t try to con the old man.

Of course, our breathtaking Green Bay Packers mauled the Chicago Bears last Sunday, clinching the NFC North title. They did that in enemy territory. This Sunday, December 23, our illustrious Pack meets the Tennessee Titans at noon at home, Lambeau Field. Hi/goodbye, Titans. 

I’d like to express my deepest sympathies to the families of the victims of the Sandy Hook slayings.  The shooting was horrific.  Twenty young innocents were murdered that day.  I pray that the family members of the victims can somehow find solace and peace after this.  I pray that our society eradicates this disease or mental defect.  Our young are exposed to ever-escalating levels of violence in songs and on television, movies, and video games.  It has to have a cumulative effect.  Life loses its value to some of the sicker minds.  We have to reverse this.  We must.

Have we driven off of the “fiscal cliff” yet?  Why not?  Are we there yet? How long does it take?  “Fiscal cliff” could be someone’s name: Mr. Fiscal Clifford Preen.

Is Mr. Mayor Dickert going to drive CAR25 into extinction?  Will public access become a thing of the past, pushed out by glossy TV ads for Mr. Mayor and his hallucination of Racine?  Oh my.

This is my last column before Christmas, so I want to wish all of you, Irregular and regular alike, a very Merry Christmas!  Happy Holidays to those of you observing Kwanza, Hanukah, Festivus, and other celebrations.  For those who haven’t already been driven nuts by Christmas music, here is a “3 Hour Medley of Christmas Songs:”

Thank you, one and all, for visiting my blog today.  I am happy to share with you.  We are family, and family is important on Christmas.  Be of good cheer, my dears.  Santa is on his way.

The cure for the holiday blues?  Find out: madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

The weathermen and women are talking about the possibility of a little snow.  Be careful out there.  The first real snow, it seems like most of the drivers forget how to drive in the winter.  Have a beautiful Christmas.  Adeste Fideles!

Open Blog - Wednesday

Well guess who.

"Crazy Christmas Special Coffin Ad from Guatemala"

Talk about cultural differences... I'm speechless.

Open Blog - Tuesday

Have a lemony day.

"The most easily scared guy in the world?"

How many scares a day can he take?

Open Blog - Monday

Have a good day.

Dickert Makes a Play for CAR 25

http://www.journaltimes.com/news/local/dickert-car-public-access-channel-must-change/article_53348158-4737-11e2-a0bb-001a4bcf887a.html

http://racineuncovered.org/2012/12/car-25-cable-commission-meeting-will-not-be-closed-session/

http://racineuncovered.org/2012/12/car-25-video-now-available-on-the-net/

http://car25.pegcentral.com/

http://www.cityofracine.org/CAR25.aspx

Dickert wants to take the public access out of public access TV and replace it with his propaganda.  He sees CAR 25 as a commercial for himself instead of a pulpit for the public.  He already has bids on managing CAR 25.  Apparently, he solicited those bids without the complete knowledge of the Cable Commission and the City Council.  To be honest, it sounds a bit disingenuous of our "leaders" to say they had no idea that this was coming when the bloggers have spoken about it for years.

End of the World Party

The  WACKIEST OF THE WACKY  " dusk to dawn" 

  "END OF THE WORLD PARTY" 

 begins Friday @ dusk , Dec. 21st. 2012.

Party ends with the end of the world, or dawn the following morning for survivors, with breakfast provided.

Food and beverage is provided.

Snacks and deserts provided

Costumes are optional

A dish or beverage to pass is optional

A white elephant  (grab bag) present is optional, re-gifting is encouraged at this party,    the hokier the present the better, so are clean dumpster diving gifts                                         ( remember this is an end of the world party)

bon fire provide along with 2 metal campfires on the deck

Party is both inside and outside, so dress accordingly.

Looking forward to seeing you 

I'm posting this for Lizardmom.

For the party location, contact her at lizardmom@jtirregulars.com.

"Adam Winrich: Whips and Harmonica"

I think if I tried to do that, I'd swallow the harmonica.

"Devil otter ate my mini van"

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3535017/Otter-goes-on-the-rampage-in-Irish-village-attacking-farmer-and-his-van.html

As if there isn't enough trouble in the world . . .

I HATE being @#%^@Q!& up.

As this crap progresses, things get worse and I never notice.  Bought a new small ceramic space heater, and gave myself a second degree burn.  NEVER felt a thing.  At everyone's insistence, I will hit the ER tomorrow during the game.  I've heard it's the least busy time.

Open Blog - Weekend

You, too.

"Prayer vigil at Monument Square Sunday"

From The Journal Times.com:

"The Racine Interfaith Coalition will hold a prayer vigil in memory and honor of the lives lost and those who mourn over the school shooting in Newtown, Conn. It will be held at 6 p.m. Sunday at Monument Square."

http://www.journaltimes.com/news/local/prayer-vigil-at-monument-square-sunday/article_e05a7658-464e-11e2-b033-001a4bcf887a.html

"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian."

 

Author Unknown

Four for Fridays

Hello everyone and welcome back! It's been a week of running around and chasing from store to store. Tis the season huh? Anyways, some questions for you....

1) If you could be famous for doing anything, what would you want it to be?

2) Is it easier to win or lose with grace?

3)  When was the worst storm you where ever in?

4)  What is the one thing you miss the most about being a child?

Enjoy your weekend!

Open Blog - Friday

Another Betty Boop sighting.

Irregular Football League Standings

Go, team, go!

toilet seat

 
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away
to paint the toilet seat. After he finished, he headed to the
kitchen to raid the refrigerator.

The wife comes home sooner than expected, and heads to the
bathroom, sits down and gets the toilet seat stuck to her rear.
She becomes upset and in a panic shouts to her husband to drive
her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat to cover the
stuck seat, and off they go.

When they get to the doctor's office, the man lifts his wife's
coat to show their predicament.

The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this
before?"

"Well, yes." the doctor replied. "But never framed."

Veteran's Day picture

Veteran's Day picture: A boy chained his bike to a tree and then went to fight WWI.

 

The tree is on Vashon Island, which is between Tacoma and Seattle, Washington.

 

 

My First Time Lapse (and a few Geminids)

With the rise of social media, events such as meteor showers get a lot more publicity than they used to so many of you may know by now that the Geminid meteor shower peaks on the night of December 13th and into the morning of December 14th. The Geminids are a very active shower but not as famous as the August Perseids, probably because for many people in the northern hemisphere, it is colder in December! Well, in Tucson, it is still pretty warm and humid in August and can be quite cloudy. The Geminids frequently feature clear skies and sometimes (like this year) pleasant temperatures.

Well, sometimes that is. The forecast for tomorrow night, the true peak, is for a 100% chance of rain in Tucson. Fortunately, the Geminids have a fairly broad peak so I went out tonight. Very good show, easily averaged a 2-3 a minute over an hour and a half or so. And I had my camera set up snapping away. It took a series of 40 second exposures, 138 total pictures (adds up to about an hour and a half of pics) before the battery died.

I was at Saguaro National Park East. After I was out there for a little while, the cops showed up. They checked out what I was doing and then I think arrested someone who was sitting in a car drinking (I head them talking about finding vodka).  You can see the police cruiser lights on the cactus for quite a few shots. You can also see lighting changes due to an occasional car driving by. Toward the end of my photography, I heard something walking around. Based on a snorting sound I also heard, I think there were javelinas nearby. The adventures of astrophotography in Tucson!

So here is the time lapse I put together...pretty much no processing. I may try to redo this later to bring out some more meteors. Oh, and watch this full screen in 1080p for best results.

I hope you have clear skies tomorrow night. The Geminids start a bit earlier than most meteor showers. I was getting good numbers by 11pm local time (for many you have to wait until much later!) So go out and take a peak, especially if you have nice weather.

Reprinted with permission from the Half-Astrophysicist Blog.

Open Blog - Thursday

You first.

NATIONAL CHAMPION RACINE RAIDERS ANNOUNCE 2013 TRYOUT DATES

(RACINE) - The 2012 Semi-Pro BCS National Champion Racine Raiders have organized three tryout dates for prospective players looking to join the best team in adult minor league football in 2013. All three tryouts are free and will be held at the Tarble Recreation Center on the Carthage College campus in Kenosha, Wis.

The tryout dates and times are:

• Saturday, January 19, 2013, from 9:00 a.m. to noon
• Sunday, February 24, 2013, from 8:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m.
• Saturday, March 23, 2013, from 9:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m.

Registration will begin at 8:00 a.m. for all three tryouts.

The organization requests that prospective players pre-register on the Play for the Raiders recruitment website at http://www.playfortheraiders.com.

The Raiders will begin their 61st season of operations and have won eight national championships. Players are treated to free postgame meals following each home game, receive complimentary tickets to games and get to play in front of an average of nearly 2,000 fans at home games. The team broadcasts all of their games on WRJN 1400 AM and online. Several other benefits are available to players as well.
 
For more information on the Racine Raiders, please visit http://www.racineraiders.com

Dear Madame Zoltar

Hello, my frosted flakes!  How are you?  We actually had a dusting of the s-word the other night.  I don’t know if that was considered measurable precipitation, but I know we were approaching a record for the number of days without the s-word.  By the way, I have had nothing to do with the ongoing drought.  As much as I hate the s-word, I wouldn’t mess with the natural order of things.  Mother Nature wouldn’t allow me to do it, anyway. 

Last Sunday, our sterling Green Bay Packers once again trounced their foe, the Detroit Lions.  This Sunday, December 16, they meet their archrivals, the Chicago Bears, at noon in Soldier Field.  Packer – Bear games are always hard fought battles.  May the Packers be the hardest. 

The news is filled with Fiscal Cliff this and Fiscal Cliff that.  It is incessant, almost as bad as Christmas songs.  Between the two, I’d choose the songs.  The failure of our representatives to compromise on anything is disheartening and dispiriting.  I am tired of listening to the rhetoric over and over.  Bone tired.  Politicians should keep their dirty games out of the holiday season.  I am ashamed of the things that ‘my representatives’ do.  Tis the season to be jolly.  Let the politicians go to hell. This is the time for peace on earth and goodwill toward men. Let us rejoice.  Let us love.  Let us pray.

Driving west on Washington Avenue in uptown, I noticed that traffic was constricted to one lane by barricades, but I couldn’t see why.  A story in the Journal Times explained that the façade of one of the buildings had pulled away and they feared for falling debris on pedestrians and vehicles.  Mr. Mayor Dickert says that the city is going to tear down the building posthaste.  I am afraid that we will be doing a lot of that.  They recently razed the fire-gutted building on the near north side of Douglas Avenue.  As more and more buildings are deserted, more will be torn down.  Oh my.

Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet?  Are you one of those who has your gifts wrapped up by September?  Or do you wait till the last minute, getting a rush from the commotion of all the other hurried shoppers?  Internet shopper or brick and mortar?  Personally, I have most of mine done, but there’s still a few items.  I like to wait until after Black Friday to do my shopping.  I bought a couple of things online, but I prefer to shop in person.  I like the hustle and the bustle of the crowds to a degree, but I won’t frantically fight for the last sale item.  It’s not worth troubling myself over a few dollars.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

Thank you, my sweets and sours, for perusing my blog today.  I much appreciate your presence.  Without you, this wouldn’t work.  Without you, there’s no point.  Without you, there’s no me.

Want to know what Santa is bringing you?  Ask madamezoltar@jtirregulars.com.

The days continue to get darker and colder, but some people say it’s really going to heat up on December 21.  Bundle up, keep warm, and don’t let Jack Frost nip your nose.  Seriously, I heard he has herpes.   Molysomophobia!                  

Oprm Blog - Wednesday

One can only imagine what a super girl could do.

Rant du jour

My primary care physician is an Aurora doctor, so most of my tests, etc., are done through Aurora.  However, my psychiatrist is affiliated with Wheaton Franciscan.  Both medical groups employ robocalls to remind patients of upcoming appointments.

The robocalls from Wheaton Franciscan end with the statement, “Please arrive thirty minutes prior to your appointment time.”  The first time, of course, I arrived thirty minutes early.  When I asked the receptionist why I was told to arrive thirty minutes early, she didn’t even know what the robocalls contained.  She said, “Just ignore it.”  So I did. Still, it bothered me that I am given an appointment months in advance, but a robocall changes the time two days before the appointment.

I was proud that Aurora robocall reminders don’t tell you to arrive early.  Ha.  I was proud until I received my reminder call from Aurora for a doctor’s appointment this week.  It said to arrive twenty minutes early. 

I also received one from Wheaton Franciscan for another appointment this week.  Now they are saying to arrive fifteen minutes early, instead of thirty.  I complained to a number of people at WF about their robocall reminders.  Maybe someone listened.

Today I saw my Aurora doctor.  I got there 2 minutes before my appointment time.  I had to wait about five minutes before I was shown into an examination room. Nobody said anything about arriving twenty minutes early.

It’s insulting to be told to arrive early for appointments.  Time thieves are the worst thieves, for no one can recover what they take.

Arthur!!!!

K-Mart Christmas Meltdown

Somebody isn't getting a Christmas bonus this year.

Open Blog - Tuesday

Only two more weeks until Christmas.

Did someone say toilet paper was a great invention?

Got into a conversation of worlds greatest inventions, and someone said toilet paper. I got a better invention. The toilet seat bidet. Always thought I'd like a bidet, and found they make em into toilet seats now. I mean when you get old sometimes it's harder to get a grip of that paper. Sometimes you have the 3/4 roll, "Will it ever stop?" experience, and then there is that worst case situation. "What do you mean we're OUT!?? Well, not to worry any more. Down in Illinois they make something called a "Toilet seat bidet." Kid you not. I hear ya saying, "Whoa, too much info." but really, is too much ever enough?

A few months ago I finally said enough. I'd had a new electrical outlet installed last year behind the toilet when I did some wall work, and with the furthering of my disability, I needed a taller toilet for easier transferring to my chair. I went with a nice 2.5" taller than normal model, and with the low water use requirements, I got the Ba-WOOosh model at that. Al Bundy has nothing on me. The old toilet used four gallons per flush, and the plunger was still over used. The new one? The plunger has been retired. The problem is, when you get a nice new toilet, you need a nice new seat. What's a real man to do? Why get a real man's toilet seat. Oh yeah!

How about a heated seat with five heat ranges? Bidets are Water using apparatuses right? Well, how about five temperature water heat control? Bidets don't just squirt water, no. There is a water wand adjustment for front and back. Everybodies butt has a different area, and one size will not fit all. Of course for the women, they want their front AND back side done. Just program how far and it flies. Also water pressure adjustment, and aeration so the jet pulses. There is even a blow dryer with it's own heat settings! Self cleaning, retracting wand so it's business isn't out there when you sit down or are reading the paper unless you want it out there. Even a "Kid's" setting. And the very last thing in the manual, the one thing that made me go HUH? Was the feminine massage. I guess if she's in there longer than ten minutes, she'll be awhile. Truly, the Cadillac of toilet seats.

How much? Hey, class costs. $350. Best money I ever spent!

Navigating the Dark Marble

Last week at the American Geophysical Union meeting, NASA unveiled a series of new images of the world at night. You have probably seen lots of these images on the web (I have posted some of them here from time to time) but not quite with this resolution! Here is a sample of the image of the United States.

Now that's pretty good, but I have always wanted a nice interactive version where you could zoom in on it and pan around a bit. Well I got my wish with the Blue Marble Navigator. You can pan and zoom in on an area of interest anywhere on the world. The details you can get are amazing. You can trace out the U.S. Interstate highways system, fires from oil fields around the world, lights from the Japanese fishing fleet and the Trans-Siberian railroad. You can learn a lot but clicking around looking at lighting patterns. Here is a zoom of the Tucson area.

You can really see the boundaries of the town. I can even pick out Speedway (I live just off it) and where it dead ends into Saguaro National Park East, one of my frequent spots for astrophotography.  

Some of the older pics you see of the world at night have such low resolution, they make it look like there are lights literally everywhere. With these pics, you get a better and more realistic view of where the cities and lights are. Of course, the real problem is that these city light can be seen quite a ways out (sometimes hundreds of miles).

So go ahead, click around the map, find your hometown and see how it looks.

Reprinted with permission from the Half-Astrophysicist Blog.

Useless Information

Did you know:

 

The late great Otis Redding who sang the hit song “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” died in a small plane crash.

 

The plane crashed into a small lake just outside of Madison, Wisconsin.

Open Blog - Monday

I'm late in posting this. I hope that no one was inconvenienced.

Timmy writes to Santa

Dear Santa,

 

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for  Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. 

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

 

Dear Timmy, 

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.

 

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus

 

Mr. Claus, 

Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones
 

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus
 

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

Timmy

Timmy,

That’s what I thought you little bastard.

Santa